26 Answers

We are currently going through a rough patch. We’ve been evicted, house hunting, packing, organising and finding the money for bills is really stressing me out. My partner has left his job due to health issues. I’m really struggling being the only one to do anything. He sits up late, wakes up late, spends a lot of days drinking and smoking pot. I have to make enquiries, book appointments (Dr, dentist, accountant, vet) I do EVERYTHING and I’m just so tired of being the only adult. All I think about is leaving him. How do I know it’s the relationship that’s dead and not just me feeling low because of everything else that’s going on? I am making myself so ill stressing over things, I’ve had to get medication to keep it under control, the first time ever I’ve needed it. I’m so scared I’ll make the wrong decision and maybe ruin a good (30+ years together and 2 kids) relationship but also scared that I’ll deteriorate more if I stay. :(

Posted anonymously, 14th August 2021

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  • you may want to consider some counselling to help you make life decisions. good luck it is not easy

  • You need to look after you, however, if you think that things can change if HE tries, then you really need to talk to him and make sure he knows you are serious. He make be feeling depressed also, and is dealing with it the only way he knows. I would seek help from a counsellor. Maybe then, things will work out.
    Good luck

  • i recently read a quite that said ‘if its not a fuck yes then its a hell no’
    life is to short. i work in the morgue, i see how life can be over in an instant and also the post mortem issues when there is fractures in families.
    BE HAPPY!!! dont dim your light for someone who isnt putting in as much effort.

  • I think you need to talk to your husband and show him how serious this is – maybe with a marriage counsellor in the room. But I think that if he doesn’t change, you’ll have to leave in order to look after yourself.

  • I hope you’ve found some support. It sounds like you need him to understand about how you feel about his drinking, drug use and lack of import. I would strongly suggest getting some counselling – alone and together, if possible. Best wishes, it can get better.

  • Seek advice from a professional and go through couple counselling definitely few areas to work on if you want to stay

  • I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles. Is therapy something you could consider before giving up? End of the day you need to be happy and not just be in it because of how long it’s been,

  • I would suggest you are both very low and struggling so counselling would be a good place to start. I do hope things improve for you soon.

  • If you’re asking that question I’m not sure there is a way for it to be repaired. Best to talk to a counsellor and see if they can help you both work things out, or help you both realise it’s time to head your separate ways..

  • It always hard…sending virtual hug to you

  • When your wondering if it’s over…..

  • You have been with him 30 + years with 2 kids. It can be really hard for both of you. May be think twice before taking decision. Because of health issues he is also may be also mentally down. if your kids grown up talk to them too. Think about counselling before get the wrong decision.

  • He needs to get some help. He’s not helping either of you by smoking pot either. Where does he get the money from to pay for that anyway. You both need to sit down with someone not involved in your life and both talk about things for both your sakes. Then you can make a decision on where you both go from there.

  • I would talk to him about how you are feeling, that you are stressed and you need him to help more. He might be oblivious to the fact that you have your struggles too.

    I told my partner once how I took on more than my fair share of the mental load in the relationship and he hadn’t been aware of that. He stepped up and started helping out more and more. It didn’t happen overnight but he slowly started doing more for the household.

  • I know it’s hard and try to get him to the drs if he isn’t going to get help you can’t him if he won’t help himself. Tell him straight how it is and your sick of it and he can start helping with the kids instead of leaving it up to you and your not going to keep doing it all as you may as well seperate. If you find a new home tell him straight he can’t live in it with you all, you have to make him wake up to what he is doing it. Do not ask the kids that is bad advise someone wrote on here, they can see and hear the way it is with him. Try and get him to move out to give you a break. I had to do everything so your not the only one and my kids seem to of forgotten what it was like for me and think their father is father of the year which rubs salt into the wound.

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