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I’d dearly love a third child but husband is an adamant no. I am grateful and feel blessed for the two beautiful children I have and know how lucky I am to have them. But really wanted a third and sad that I can’t have the third child I wanted. Would love ideas on how I can move on from this idea of a third child. Thanks


Posted anonymously, 27th August 2018


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  • Would love to hear how you are going now ?


  • If it’s a really deep yearning, you may never get over wanting a third. A good heart to heart with hubby might help. If you both make your feelings clear, it might be easier to then see the others opinion and understand it more


  • For some reason, a lot of people around me got stuck around having a 3rd as well. Yes , its a blessing when you have them and there are no complications. I don’t think he would say No without a reason , sometimes its just even financial as it is so stressful mentally and physically in having a child. I had a traumatic second one and was clear I didn’t want one after that , and he is my wonderful son who is now 18. The best thing in my opinion is to find closure and talk with your man properly. Would you consider adoption or fostering another child as another option ? Wish you best of luck on this issue as its not easy.


  • you are blessed with two children so many cannot have them for inability too. It has to be you and your husbands decission for three it is true. Have you asked him why without anger or distress as sharing his feelings you will know not just guess. All the best wile giving your love to family you have got, have a tought again for others who cannot. my art for a start


  • I’m interested in these answers… We’re still contemplating a third but it’s good to have this insight before we’ve made the decision.


  • Ideas to help you come to terms with the decision not to have any more children might include: a) spending time to look after yourself and get back in shape or enjoy your health – every pregnancy has a risk that might leave you with problems that are hard to resolve – so enjoy your body! and it can become a time consuming pursuit as you get fitter and fitter; b) thinking about the moral responsibility not to over populate the world, having too many children can be considered a poor decision for humanity as a whole.. so you can tell yourself you are doing the right thing; and c) enjoy those children that you do have and/or spend your energy investing in those kids already here who might need a little extra loving mum….and finally if the feeling doesn’t go away perhaps consider counseling to make sure that you have both thought about everything involved in this decision. I don’t know if you work or not, but maybe you need to get a ‘self-image’ that is something other than ‘mum’ to help you move on? I think it can be hard to feel ‘successful/complete/ fulfilled’ if you have this sense you are mum and you find a little more time on your hands as the children become less demanding… perhaps you feel you have to be more ‘mum’ again, but it’s really just doing something with the energy and time you begin to regain as they grow up.


  • How old are your other two? My two are 4 and 6 and all of a sudden both hubby and I are on board for a third. But man it was a struggle to decide – I started a new IG account to help me decide!! A pet might help, you might even think of fostering or adopting later on?
    It’s really hard to guess what your future self will do.


  • Hi OP,

    This has been the subject in my family for the past month, having a third child…
    We have a 7yo ASD Daughter and a 2yo NT Son.
    We have had to weight up the pros and cons of having a third child and unfortunately the cons have outweighed the pros.
    If we were to bring a third child in to our already crazy lives, it would ruin our family.
    We are happy and content with what we have, and thankfully we have two children.
    :)


  • I have 2 of my own and my partner has 1. I always thought I would have more children however I have come to realise that we have enough and are all happy and healthy. I think I will always have the feeling that I want another baby but I focus on how blessed we are and the amazing kids we already have.


  • This is a time you can focus all your enegery on the 2 beautiful children you already have. Its also a time when you can start spending more time looking after yourself and being that little selfish towards yourself. Its a time you can rekindle your relationship with your partner back to how it was b4 you had kids. This is one thing we as mothers tend to forget. (Focusing all our time and energy on our children)
    Our kids will grow up and leave us to start their journey as adults.


  • I think indeed that’s important to realise you both need to be happy with a third child. When one of you don’t want this, then I would focus on accepting this and on what you have with your 2 beautiful children.
    I married when I was 38, had my first when I was 40 and my second when I was 41. I too would have loved a third child, but early onset of menopause steered life in a different way. I started to open my house and heart for the friends of my children and their mums and our house was always filled with joy and laughter. I also found great fulfillment in my hobbies. My hunker to a third child disappeared and I/we were on a total happy place. We then started to foster children after an amount of years as there so many kids who don’t have a safe place and we love to create that.
    All I want to say, focus on acceptance and look around what life has to offer.


  • Don’t give up, keep positive and you can win over your husband. At the end of the day men just want their wife to be happy, so they can always reconsider their “red line” if they know it’s what you need to be happy!


  • I wanted a third also and hubby didn’t.
    I suppose when I really thought about it…….Creating another life is HUGE. I’m not sure I could do it without his 100% commitment and want. Especially as it’s not as if he isn’t a great Dad, it’s because of the extra stress that another baby would bring with it. Yes, they would bring lots of joy too, but think of the sleepless nights, expense, not being able to give enough attention and time to another baby etc. I can’t expect him to go though that if he isn’t willing. So I suppose to get past it, I processed all of that thinking and then concentrated on my existing family. :) Someone else suggested seeing a counsellor. That’s a really good idea. Personally, I’m looking forward to grandchildren !


  • ? Accidents happen???


  • Sometimes in life we have to accept the things we have and let go off the things we want. You and your husband are a partnership and the decision needs to be made by you both. Adding another child does add extra stress. I have just had child no 5 and life is complete caos atm.


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