Hello!

I’d dearly love a third child but husband is an adamant no. I am grateful and feel blessed for the two beautiful children I have and know how lucky I am to have them. But really wanted a third and sad that I can’t have the third child I wanted. Would love ideas on how I can move on from this idea of a third child. Thanks


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  • We are all different. I always had it in my head that i wanted 6 children. My husband knew this when we got married but after we had baby #1 he decided that he really didnt want anymore. Years later he would deny saying this. I said there was no way i was having just one child so we had child #2. When child #2 started preschool I found that i slipped into a depression as I felt that there was a child that i was supposed to have and yet I couldnt. I didnt say anything to him but battled through as best I could. I have no idea what happened with him but he decided that he would meet me half way and we would have #3. That changed my life totally and I found I could deal with that. Years later he would tell me that he wished we had had #4 but even so I am happy and thrilled with my 3 girls. Its so very hard to explain to people how having 2 just didnt feel right. Yes I was happy and thankful that I had them but there was still this overwhelming feeling that something was missing.


  • It’s interesting to read the different perspectives and stories.


  • I think you sort of answered your own question, which is to be grateful for what you already have. I know you had expectations and everyone gets disappointed when those expectations are not met. It really is a matter of acceptance and gratitude that will help you move on.


  • Oh this is a tough one. Maybe down the track he will change his mind? but if not I guess you just try and focus on the two you do have…. and hopefully one day you will get grandchildren as well ;)


  • It might help if you focus on the positives in your life eg two beautiful healthy children.


  • Would love to hear how you are going now ?


  • If it’s a really deep yearning, you may never get over wanting a third. A good heart to heart with hubby might help. If you both make your feelings clear, it might be easier to then see the others opinion and understand it more


  • For some reason, a lot of people around me got stuck around having a 3rd as well. Yes , its a blessing when you have them and there are no complications. I don’t think he would say No without a reason , sometimes its just even financial as it is so stressful mentally and physically in having a child. I had a traumatic second one and was clear I didn’t want one after that , and he is my wonderful son who is now 18. The best thing in my opinion is to find closure and talk with your man properly. Would you consider adoption or fostering another child as another option ? Wish you best of luck on this issue as its not easy.


  • you are blessed with two children so many cannot have them for inability too. It has to be you and your husbands decission for three it is true. Have you asked him why without anger or distress as sharing his feelings you will know not just guess. All the best wile giving your love to family you have got, have a tought again for others who cannot. my art for a start


  • I’m interested in these answers… We’re still contemplating a third but it’s good to have this insight before we’ve made the decision.


  • Ideas to help you come to terms with the decision not to have any more children might include: a) spending time to look after yourself and get back in shape or enjoy your health – every pregnancy has a risk that might leave you with problems that are hard to resolve – so enjoy your body! and it can become a time consuming pursuit as you get fitter and fitter; b) thinking about the moral responsibility not to over populate the world, having too many children can be considered a poor decision for humanity as a whole.. so you can tell yourself you are doing the right thing; and c) enjoy those children that you do have and/or spend your energy investing in those kids already here who might need a little extra loving mum….and finally if the feeling doesn’t go away perhaps consider counseling to make sure that you have both thought about everything involved in this decision. I don’t know if you work or not, but maybe you need to get a ‘self-image’ that is something other than ‘mum’ to help you move on? I think it can be hard to feel ‘successful/complete/ fulfilled’ if you have this sense you are mum and you find a little more time on your hands as the children become less demanding… perhaps you feel you have to be more ‘mum’ again, but it’s really just doing something with the energy and time you begin to regain as they grow up.


  • How old are your other two? My two are 4 and 6 and all of a sudden both hubby and I are on board for a third. But man it was a struggle to decide – I started a new IG account to help me decide!! A pet might help, you might even think of fostering or adopting later on?
    It’s really hard to guess what your future self will do.


  • Hi OP,

    This has been the subject in my family for the past month, having a third child…
    We have a 7yo ASD Daughter and a 2yo NT Son.
    We have had to weight up the pros and cons of having a third child and unfortunately the cons have outweighed the pros.
    If we were to bring a third child in to our already crazy lives, it would ruin our family.
    We are happy and content with what we have, and thankfully we have two children.
    :)


  • I have 2 of my own and my partner has 1. I always thought I would have more children however I have come to realise that we have enough and are all happy and healthy. I think I will always have the feeling that I want another baby but I focus on how blessed we are and the amazing kids we already have.


  • This is a time you can focus all your enegery on the 2 beautiful children you already have. Its also a time when you can start spending more time looking after yourself and being that little selfish towards yourself. Its a time you can rekindle your relationship with your partner back to how it was b4 you had kids. This is one thing we as mothers tend to forget. (Focusing all our time and energy on our children)
    Our kids will grow up and leave us to start their journey as adults.


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