My In laws today told me they expect us for both Xmas lunch & dinner. I said no we will have lunch with them but, we would be home in the evening so I could spend time with my dad (widowed & has Parksinson). Their response was he was coming for lunch also. I know that but I want a quiet evening with my hubby & children. Father in laws response was that they’re upset that my husband sees my dad everyday (as he comes for dinner so we can make sure he’s eating properly) & that they don’t see their son very often. How am I supposed to respond to this? It’s putting a lot of stress on my husband also.


Posted by bronnyc, 13th December 2014


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  • I can see their point, it’s tough when you don’t get much time with your kids. But I see your point too. It’s only one day of the year, maybe you could put yourself out for one day. Your dad might enjoy getting out for the day too


  • Seriously, be polite but ignorance is bliss. Just say what they wanna hear. I’ve got a seriously selfish and horrible in law. I like to ignore her and get on with life. They can throw stones but I’m made of rubber so they just bounce off. Do what you can to score their inheritance and spend it on something they’d hate! Paybacks a bitch!!


  • When families expand, things often do get messy. Each person sees things from their own point of view. If a request seems reasonable, then go with it. If a request is unreasonable, stand your ground.


  • It sounds like they a bossy inlaws as soon as you said they “Told ” you …. I don’t really like that and really your hub should stand his ground or do the talking . Leave it to him .


  • I would be standing my ground. Let them know that Christmas night you would like to have some quiet family time with your husband and children after what sounds like is going to be a big day for all of you. I would be so angry if my in laws tried to dictate to me what I can and can’t do on a day that is meant to be joyful.


  • It’s understandable for them to be a bit jealous but they need to understand it’s a 2 way street. They have each other, your Dad has you.
    There’s no reason your husband can’t spend time with his parents on his own, or with your children to give you a break or some time for you & your Dad on your own.
    You are entitled to spend your Christmas how you wish & what is going to make you happy. Don’t feel bullied or pushed into something, it will ruin your Christmas.
    You’ve met them halfway with lunch, have a lovely dinner with your Dad.
    Wishing you all the best & a merry christmas.


  • It’s your husbands family so he should respond for the two of you


  • In laws can be so difficult – especially because the way they did/do things isn’t the same as how it was for us and they can be of the opinion things should be done their way, their traditions etc. Hope this doesn’t often anyone but it is said if you have a son, you lose them when they get married and the wife’s family takes precedence. My dad is also a widow and after losing one parent, it really made me value dad and spend more time with him -unfortunately there’s only so much time in a day/week so this is at the expense of time spent with the inlaws. My inlaws are 20 yrs younger than my dad so figure they’ll be around longer


  • i hope that all went well for you


  • It is generous and kind of your inlaws to include your father for Christmas lunch, but I do understand your desire to have a quieter time in the evening. Perhaps you should be making more of an effort to include them during the year. Possibly by inviting them to dinner on a regular basis and try to make them feel special by letting them know that you appreciate their thoughtfulness.


  • Ease up on the in-laws as you will be one some day if you are lucky. Sounds like they feel neglected as you do spend a lot of time and effort with your dad, which is a good thing. Look at it through their eyes. Your husband is being torn apart from both ends. Merry Christmas. Hope 2015 is easier.


  • After asking my husband to talk to his parents I sat down & wrote them a letter explaining how grateful I am for all they’ve done for me & my family and continue to do & I realise that they run their home differently from the way we run our home, just as my parents run their home differently but, I need to go home to rest (as I have a number of medical conditions) & that by that time our son will also need to come with me as that will be less stressful for him & that I don’t mean to upset them by doing this or saying how I feel.. I gave it to them without any comment from them (apart from a raised eyebrow). I did as I said I would & went home after I had had lunch (& cleaned up) & went back later to pick up my husband & daughter. Thank you for all your advice & support.


  • how did you sort this one out? hope it went well


  • Tell them the truth your going home kids will be tired and so will your dad.


  • If your children are really young they will get tired and grumpy you will probably get criticised for that too. Use that as an excuse to take them home for a nap or quiet time. Sounds like your in-laws are jealous. Maybe let him take the children to the in-laws if he is only going for awhile. If they are only little he has to consider their needs before that of his parents. It will give you some “me” time to do what you wish to do. Or things at home without the kids under your feet. My brother used to take my nieces to see Grandma while the Mum caught up with washing she hadn’t done during the week (or that was the excuse). We often minded then at weekends anyway. The kids used to smuggle soft toys down to Grandma to be washed. One of them refused to take one outfit home for her Mum to wash. It was her “holiday dress and you will wash it nice and clean for me” was her exact comment. I was there at the time. Grandma and I looked at each other and said nothing in front of the girl who was about 4y.o. at the time.


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