9 Answers

I’m having to jump in or either my kids will come up to me to dob one of them in even if the problem is silly. It’s from morning and after school I’m having to deal with. I have said to them to deal with the problem and solve it but it doesn’t seem to work. As I know one of them like to get and see each other get into trouble. Most of the time I say if it’s dobbing I don’t want to hear it. I can tell if they are dobbing cos of body language so I say it before they say what the problem is….. is there a better way of dealing the problem as I’m over it. They are aged 7 and 9, a girl and boy. My 7yr old girl is the dominate one but also the smartest/brightest too. I have tried money taking off like 10 cents, toys taken off, 30 mins off 3hrs technology time (1 hr each day fri sat and sun), helping mum around the house to earn pocket money but then 50cents gets taken off for troubles….I’m lost here really….any help?

Posted anonymously, 24th November 2015

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  • When my kids were dobbing all the time I always said “thank you sooo much for telling me ” ! and gave them a pen and paper and asked if they please could keep a record from all the wrong doings of the sibling(s) ! Of course I kept these records for later ;)

  • yeah we can all hear that “muuummmmm” now lol. you do become the mediator. try to keep them well rested, well fed and very occupied! if they have time for fighting , they have time for cleaning lol

  • This sounds just like my house, My oldest son has issues so therfor he sees a pshycologist, we have a few rules for our house. The rules are stuck up on the wall and all kids sat down with me and we wrote it out, they think its their ideas but most of them are mine. When one breaks the rules the other always walks to the list and say dont do that you are breaking the rules. It usually puts a stop to the bad behaviour. Before any dobbing happens. We also have a safe saying stop it i dont like it. Only if the other kid doesnt stop the other ones dob. Having these rules in place kind of gives the one chance before any dobbing happens.

  • This is part of the life cycle. One of my daughters is going through the same thing. When my kids were younger and all living at home unless I SAW who started what and this and that in an argument or fight I would say to them I love you all equally and I AM NOT TAKING SIDES as I did not see what happened therefore you are all or both in trouble. That seemed to quell thing for a while on and off.

  • I feel your pain. I have 6,4 and 3 year old and all I find myself doing is trying to stop their arguments and fights. I have tried to give 6 year old more responsibility in that he needs to remind 3 year old hurting anyone or else his toys will be taken away by hubby it myself and I’ve found that this renewed responsibility has made him (6 teals)deal with conflict with a cooler head. I just hope they grow out of it with age.

  • When kids of a certain age are left to sort the ‘problem’ it can escalate. You have to step in and reinforce the ‘house rules’ for behaviour. There has to be an immediate impact and consequence to behaviour. Losing money or technology time at a later time does not correlate to the current situation. It is also normal for siblings to squabble a little – all part of growing up, but it must not be allowed to be physical or verbally abusive fighting.

  • You could try to diffuse through redirection or make light of the issues – try to model laughing such things off, or only talk about positives. Its really hard though as this is pretty normal behaviour.

  • I think this is just part of life with siblings. I used to fight with my younger brother all the time. I still remember Mum yelling at us to stop fighting, but it didn’t work. Fortunately we grew out of it.

  • Oh lol, I had to stop laughing before I could start typing. I don’t think there is a way to stop them fighting, I wasn’t successful anyway. Even when they were old enough to be home alone, I would avoid it for fear of what they would do to each other when unsupervised

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