13 Answers

I’m struggling, my almost 3 year old is very very clingy and even more so since her brother has arrived. He is 10 weeks. He won’t sleep during the day so I am constantly soothing him ect, my daughter is full on. She screams, yells, stamps her feet crys super loudly. I’m guessing this is why baby won’t sleep. I don’t have a village to really help me so I’m on my own alot. Any tips on dealing with the struggle with 2 would be amazing. I’m tired, would love a nap during the day but it’s honestly impossible

Posted anonymously, 3rd December 2020

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  • They get soo jealous. Honestly the only thing that has worked for me is having the newborn follow my toddler routine. this means that the baby sleeps in the pram alot whilst we are at my toddlers swimming/gym/sensory lessons. They eat at the same time and I put them down for naps at the same time. I try to involve the toddler in caring for the baby e.g. get the nappy, or lets get baby some new toys.

  • Could you perhaps wear your baby in a sling or baby carrier and then you’d have your hands free for the 3 year old. For nap time you could put a video or tv show on for the 3 year old whilst you had a nap with the baby. I used to do this with my youngest whilst my 2 year old watched a program on his iPad (we’d to this in the bedroom so I could keep an eye out for both bubs and I could catch up on some sleep). I totally understand where you are coming from as I has a very clingy 2 year old and a new born. It was super tough, but I got through it.

  • I had 3, 3 and under (my eldest only turned 3 a month before the youngest was born) and my second had only just turned 1. I gave the other kids a baby doll to take care of while I cared for their baby sister and this seemed to help a lot. Also finding small tasks they can “help” you with was also a great tool I used. They felt included and not left out, your daughters reactions are totally normal unfortunately and I found it came in waves with the children acting out for attention. Any spare minute was spent with the older ones trying to keep that bond up. I also have very little support and often was a lone as my husband was also away. Take one day at a time and if some stuff falls behind in the mean time thats ok too

  • At that age our eldest, around the same age as yours was having a short afternoon sleep every second day otherwise she got tired and sometimes basically uncontrollable. Maybe try afternoon rest time. Is she allowed to watch kid’s abc tv shows at all. The beauty of abc is there is no commercials apart from advertising their own kid’s show. Do you think it could be something she is eating that could be triggering behaviour as well. I know one child who was a handful after eating too much cheese, another was triggered by potato even if it was only boiled – not mashed with butter or milk. Could you child have an inner ear infection? I know of a young girl who did and always told her parents if “something” hurt. They only found the infection because she had to have a scan when she suddenly had convulsions a few weeks apart.. She had to have strong doses of antibiotics to kill off the infection. Her Mum discovered that day or the day before her legs went a bluish colour. Her Mum took her to the Dr. but she didn’t have a high temperature. You could try eliminating different food but unfortunately the behaviour won’t improve straight away. As another Mum suggested maybe sit down with her and maybe ask her what she is angry about. It may be jealousy or could be an entirely different issue. I know one Mum who used to send her daughter to a set “space” let her quieten down a bit then ask her what was wrong. Sometimes it was something she had done or said that upset the child. I know it can be really hard explaining to a child why you did something. If all else fails maybe have a talk with a Community Nurse or your GP,

  • Oh mama. I feel this.
    My son was 2.5 when my daughter was born and boy was it tough. 6 months I had a baby who refused to sleep at night and a toddler who refused to sleep in the day.
    Just breathe and cry and let it all out. It gets better, you just have to find ways to make sure the toddler gets a little more entertained during the day so you can rest as much and if possible get family support

  • hey there. totally been there. totally. i would get down to your daughters level and talk to her about her behaviour. See if she can tell you why she is acting like that. My daughter completely changed after I asked her this. We talked about that, if her brother slept during the day, while he slept, i would do
    *insert specific thing*
    with her. For her it was craft. She wanted that one, on one, time with me, and she learnt in time, that the more her brother slept during the day, and she was quiet, the longer mummy would spend time with her, and she was totally craving that time.
    I tried to incoropate her into feeds, I would read stories while feeding him, she got to choose the book etc.

  • Following this as I’ll be in the same position next year.
    In my head I’ll still try and do as much with my toddler as possible.
    Read a book together to the baby, do some low key craft activities while the baby is asleep and go for walks in the park and to the library for book club.

  • I gave my girls as they family grew their own baby doll to look after and we needed to feed baby they did too. Baby and Baby Doll needed to sleep and have quiet time. I would take three year old outside and hose the garden or give her swing time or on hot days run a bubble bath and have bath fun. We would sometimes put baby in the pram and walk to the park with dolls in their prams. I would tire the kids out during the day and have them all tucked up in bed by 7:30pm. Water play was also a great idea a sandpit in a shell outside under the pergola with utensils they could build sandcastles. Three year old needs a lot of praise and a lot of attention but given in the right way. Say lets do this and follow through. Have a activity planned the day before so she is ready to do the activity. Card making, cutting out shapes and painting. Kids like gardening how about growing flowers in pots from seeds. I did put our newborn in the pram a lot and took him everywhere he was easy to deal with and the girls were happy that their routine was not effected very much.

  • Try to involve your toddler in doing things for the baby and praise her for her help. Don’t shout at her if she is rough but nicely explain to her about how delicate the baby is and how things should done. Spend some quality time with the toddler when baby is asleep or someone else is around to look after the baby. Encouragement, love and praise are the most valuable tools in handling this situation. It is difficult but in time will get easier for you.

  • Oh I feel you. I got my toddler a doll and he did everything I did, we changed our babies together, fed our babies together, put our babies down for tummy time together. It was still really tough and I went out a lot to the park and play centres etc so my older one was happy, entertained and also would still have a nap because he was worn out by the end. It gets easier I promise.

  • Oh this is a really tough time, I’ve been there. I used a baby carrier so I could get some essential chores done and get baby to sleep. But honestly, you need to just get through each day as best you can and it will get easier. Try and spend some quality time with your older kid, they are feeling a bit jealous and sad that things have changed. And don’t be afraid to ask for help from friends and family

  • Aw bless, it is hard. Can you involve daughter in the care for her brother and praise her for any and every behaviour choice that is positive ? Also try to incorporate an activity with her whilst you’re nursing your son, for example reading a book together or watching a movie whilst curling up together on the settee. And when your partner comes home make sure that one of you spends one-on-one with your daughter

  • I feel for you mama <3 Those first few weeks are HARD.
    I made a little activity box for my 2 year old when we welcomed her sister, so she had some things to keep her pre occupied while I settled baby. Things like colouring items, a doll to dress up, some toy cars etc. I also made sure to keep explaining that babies need quiet time just like we do when we try and sleep. It takes persistance but eventually it stuck. Getting baby in some sort of routine will really help. If you have access to a MACH nurse, I'd ask for some advice, otherwise Tresillian is a fantastic service you can contact online for some support :) Hang in there! x

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