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12 Answers

My husband and I have 3 children together (10, 8 and 5) and after we had our third we had agreed we were “done” having kids. The past year I have been finding more and more I would really like to have another child, however my husband is still definite that he does not want more.

Have others experienced wanting more children after thinking you were done and not having your partner agree? How do you deal with this emotionally? So that you don’t think about it and find yourself looking at baby items a lot of the time?

I won’t simply go and fall pregnant again, as that’s just not something I can do personally, so please don’t suggest that!


Posted by amymcc, 9th August 2021


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  • Hi,
    It’s such a hard position to be in. My hubby was content with our two but I had a longing that a 3rd would complete our family. I have some fertility issues so didn’t want to leave it too late and have any regrets.

    Open communication is a key, my husband and I have always communicated about it, I would let him talk and listen to his point of few and then say mine. Be completely honest with your husband with how your feeling.

    Wishing you all the very best, and know it’s possible, as hubby and I both agreed to have a 3rd and we are now pregnant.


  • This is always such a hard topic!
    I have two and am umming and ahhing about a third.
    In my head I would like a third but I feel like my body just don’t cope as I’m getting older. Hubby is also in the same boat – would ideally like a third but feels he’s too old to do it all again. Baby number two is only 6 months so I guess we’re still in early stages but father’s day is coming up so maybe a photo book with lots of baby pics will make him “clucky ” lol.
    Forcing someone isn’t the key but maybe a reminder of how much love there was at the time when your bubs were born can rekindle that emotion in him?


  • My partner didn’t want any and now he has one and one on the way ????????. And no I didn’t do it on purpose, we had both actually been careful not o fall pregnant. But I wanted babies. I guess you need to weigh up the pros and cons. How much of a strain will it cause on your relationship if he is really not keen on another?
    After our first my partner said no more. I wanted another but I also thought I’d rather a happy healthy home than to pressure him into another child and have an unhappy spouse. However I fell pregnant and here we are having 2.


  • I agree with mumof3 sit down and have a good chat to him, communication is very important. Both of you need to beable to talk and explain what your thinking and then it’s all out on the table. Wishing you all the very best, I’m in a similar situation I would love a third but hubby is content on our two but we have had several sit down chats about it and both agreed we would make a decision together later in the year.


  • So glad I was never in this position. 1 boy, 1 girl and that was it. Although my partner suggested trying for a 3rd in my early 40s, I half heartedly tried, but nothing eventuated. My dil is experiencing this tho. She wants a 2nd, my son doesn’t, having a very demanding and difficult 1st baby. I feel sad for my dil and hope it doesn’t do too much damage to their relationship


  • I’m sorry that must be very hard for you. Is there a reason he doesn’t want more kids? I would maybe try find time to sit down and have a proper talk to him about it, go through the pros and cons of having another one. Maybe we will come around and just needs some time.


  • It is your and your husband decisions . You can’t push and make him to do it as it can turn bad for you.


  • Accept yourself for having a different desire then your husband …
    Get Professional Help. …
    Explore All Roads to Parenthood. …
    Try and Parse Out Whether ‘Not Now’ Really Means ‘Never’ …
    Consider Your Own Motivations. …
    Understand Your Partner’s Motivations. …
    Put Yourself in The Other’s Place…literally
    In time you could consider to foster children…
    I like HelenP5’s suggestion too of seeking a job in childcare and surround yourself with children…


  • I think counselling is the way to go. It’s so hard when we have different ideas about the big things in a relationship. It’s important to be able to talk to your partner about why you want another child. And it’s important for him to help you understand why he doesn’t. Is it financial? Does he not feel like he has the time or energy for another? Is he looking forward to a time when the children are independent and it’s just the two of you?
    There’s no right or wrong here, just what’s right for your family and relationship. A couples counselled will be able to help you both communicate your goals and hopes for your family together. There’s not really a compromise here, one of you will get their way and the other won’t, so it’s important to have a respectful conversation about it. If you don’t end up deciding to have another child together, I would also suggest counselling for yourself individually. It is hard to lose something that you want so desperately.


  • I think talking to a counselor may be a good start. If it’s just babies that you are missing, perhaps you & your partner may want to foster babies.? Any reputable counselor will be able to help you decide if this difficult path is for you.


  • I’d suggest talking to someone like a counsellor about why you’re feeling like you want another. They may help you find a solution. E.g. if you’re wanting the feeling of being needed to care for them then a pet could be a way to help.


  • My third child was not something my husband wanted to do, mainly due to my medical issues, but he knew how much I wanted another baby. He agreed to give me the month to fall pregnant, but if I didn’t, I would need to accept that it wasn’t meant to be. He sure didn’t expect me to come back three weeks later saying I was pregnant :) I would love to of had even more children but I realised that no matter how many children I had, I was always going to want more. I just loved having little babies around and got clucky all the time. After my third started Kinder, I decided to get a job in childcare so that I could always have the joy of caring for little ones. It didn’t completely eliminate my want/need for more but it helped, and now my children are at an age that I am now just hanging out to be a grandma. Even now I still feel the occasional desire to have another baby, but at 43, I know it’s not going to happen. My mother had 7 children and still contemplated adoption after she had an emergency hysterectomy with her last. I think some of us are just programmed to want more.


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