21 Answers

So my husband will sit and scroll through facebook – while I want to talk to him, when you are driving, at dinner time, when you are trying to watch TV, when others are trying to sleep. He even stays in the car after work or going out and scrolls. The volume on the phone is so LOUD it can be heard 3 rooms away. Many friends and family have commented on how rude it is – but he doesn’t stop. When you want to have a conversation with him – he will be on his phone. His hearing is bad – but again he won’t admit it. He complains about sore eyes from so much time on computer screens for work – but still is on Facebook. To make matters worse he has a go at our 14 year old for how much time he spends on his phone. When questioned he says he isn’t on Facebook. He is on the news feed with so much crap. Help I don’t know what to do or how to stop him. Getting so very frustrated. We have even turned down the volume on the phone, but he turned it back up.

Posted anonymously, 6th May 2020

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  • Sometimes people scroll on their phones as a way to zone out, so I can see the after work time for him. If he thinks he isn’t on his phone as much as his child though, you can test that theory – turn on the screen time in the settings section of your phones. You can all see how much time you’re spending on each app and even set limits. This may help him reduce the time, but it will only work if he wants to cut back a bit too. At the very least it could prove your point to him that he’s on it a lot.

  • I think he should have his ‘cave time’. Leave him alone but if the noise is bothering you, and his eyes are troubling him, then perhaps ask him to use facebook on a laptop in a separate room. He will do his eyes good (just google Jake Steiner EndMyopia for the need to have screens as far away as possible; yu can move the laptop screen much further than a phone) and he can also wear headphones or have the volume up as needed. Being alone he may feel it’s more like a ‘cave’ and need less time ‘chilling’. If you think the screen time is still excessive then start to investigate what else is going on. Maybe he just needs a good old fashioned newspaper to hide behind!

  • You might have to get a counsellor involved, as it sounds like he has a real problem.

  • Have a look at the bigger problem here. Does he have an addictive personality? Is he addicted to this? I would suggest seeking medical help

  • You sound like you are running out of hope with your husband. It might be time to get some counselling – someone to mediate so that you can both be heard. I imagine you have talked with him about this issue, but it hasn’t changed things. This kind of scenario is perfect for breeding resentment.
    If he isn’t open to attending counselling with you, go by yourself to start with. You don’t necessarily need to see a psychologist, a couples counsellor would be great.
    Good luck with it all. Behaviours can change :)

  • I like Facebook, I believe if its not getting in the way of other things there’s no reason he cant be on there. I personally find it interesting and educating sometimes.

  • Maybe you need good talk to him why he is troubling to others.

  • I have the same issue, we have arguments about it when I’m trying to have conversations with him as I see it as I’m a human being and that’s technology and can be paused. he is also constantly having go at our children about screen time. I’m the lead by example type parenting and he is old school do what I say not what I do! frustrating
    If you find a way please let me know!!!

  • We have rules around the use of technology and everyone has to agree and abide by the rules. Discussion and family meeting times are technology free and it is important to have time out from technology with time limits to use. Maybe seek some additional support if needed? Maybe invest in some books or articles with information about this issue? Good luck!

  • Dude needs a detox! You can make it a thing you do together maybe one day a week or one weekend a month. Another great option is to change the phone settings to black & white rather than colour so it’s less engaging. Or maybe, if it’s an extreme addiction, he needs to speak to a therapist.

  • Talk to him about it, how it makes you feel. If that fails, report his profile and hopefully he’ll be blocked

  • Sometimes you just have to say it as it is unfortunately and hope he changes

  • I have the same issues but with my parents they act like teenagers and are always on their phones they also try to show videos and rudely interrupt everyone I think point blank conversation is the best way otherwise what can you do . All the best

  • Be direct and tell him straight out that it is rude and disrespectful – there is a time and place.

  • We have a rule, no phones at the table during dinner, they are to remain on the bench away from us. It was a rule my Pa had for me when I was younger so iv stuck with it, hubby wasn’t keen at first but he’s gotten better with it.
    It’s so super hard to get people off their phones, it’s a common occurrence in a lot of relationships (from both sides) if it gets real bad I would suggest to say to him that you want to go to a marriage counseling session, that might make him realise how serious the situation is, and if not, maybe going isn’t a bad idea to get someone else to tell him that he needs to interact. Or if absolutely worst comes to worst delete the App off his phone every night and play dumb haha

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