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My husband will constantly yell at the kids for leaving the lights on or leaving the front or back door open when the A/C. I know they try hard but now I feel like I have to tell him off for yelling at the children. What do I do?


Posted by Andy, 4th October 2020


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  • Love all the answers you have received and can only reiterate them. Sit down quietly and talk things through – it will happen – but maybe slower than you would like, bit it will happen.


  • Agree with the comments below, he might not be aware of what he is doing unless you sit down and explain your feelings and the impact on the kids.


  • Talk to him and tell him straight don’t pussy foot around that you do not like him yelling at the kids like he has been and ask him to tone it down that all the neighbor hood heard it and that it is embrarrasing.


  • I was like that myself until my late husband brought it to my attention. We talked and I realised I was just repeating the actions my Mother would use on me when I was young. I started turning the lights off, shutting the doors and picking things up and then telling my kids what I’d done since they hadn’t. The change in them was overwhelming. They now shut doors, turn off lights or tv when they leave the room and it’s led to a more enjoyable household. I’m not saying it was easy but I will pull myself up if I start thinking of yelling at them. Talk to your husband and find out what the problem is. Have a family meeting when he is calm so you can all discuss the problem and work out strategies to lessen them happening again.


  • Discuss with him the need for parenting classes if he’s only strategy is yelling. Its not good for him or the children.


  • Wait until he’s in a good mood/calm and ask him if there is anything wrong or upsetting him. When he asks why tell him you are very worried about him and the children, because it seems he is taking his frustrations out on them. Ask him what you can do to help him. If he is completely in denial or won’t listen you might need to talk to your GP or get counselling. If this doesn’t help – leave!


  • The answer is, your husband has to want to change his behaviour. I was similar, yelling too much, upsetting the k8ds and my husband. I practice every day remaining calmer, not letting the little things kids do unintentionally upset.me more than they should. Its hard, and I’m not perfect. But I am trying, because I want to do better. I hope an honest conversation with your husband, when you are both calm may make him see the damage he is doing. I wish your family all the best, good luck


  • Can you take this task over and own it? You can relieve his anger and ask him to leave this with you. At same time, you can create a reward system for the kids to follow the rules.

    Ps sometimes it’s not a bad idea to cheat by switching off when the kids aren’t aware of to save your ear aches!!


  • Talk to him to explain that it’s not okay and the kids won’t respond. They’re more likely to be scared of him, and no father wants their child to be scared of him.


  • When you find out, let me know!


  • Is it happening at a particular time when he’s more stressed? Sometimes when you’re already annoyed little things can add up and if not dealt with can cause the yelling. Try asking if something else is worrying him and if not then talk rationally with him about yelling is affecting the kids and may damage their relationship with him in the long run. If he gets away with yelling now then it’s likely to continue. Good luck when they’re teenagers.


  • Sit him down and talk to him. See if he thinks there is any problem with his yelling. See how he is coping at work etc. Is he stressing about stuff and taking it out on the kids by accident?


  • Talk to him, yelling at him will only escalate and make issues worse.


  • Do you think talking to him (calmly, not when he’s been yelling) and explaining that it doesn’t help and might actually make things worse? Or could you encourage him to do a parenting program with you? There are lots that are free or sponsored by community organisations.


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