27 Answers

I’m due to give birth to my second child in January and I don’t know how my one year old will cope.
The restrictions for hospitals are one visitor per day and I’m having another c-section which means I’ll be at the hospital for at least 2 to three days.
My one year old is super clingy and I can’t even go to the toilet without her crying.
I don’t know how she will cope with me being gone for the days. It’s stressing me out to the point where I started having complications with my pregnancy and I don’t know what to do.
It’s killing me to think she might think I’ve abandoned her if I don’t get to see her. I don’t know if others would feel the same, am I overreacting?!

Posted by Frankiielot, 23rd September 2020

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  • Look I think you need to start taking her out and leaving her with your mother or mother in law for a few hour and build it up to leaving her overnight this will start to make her except your missing and if you have friends with kids take her to visit.

  • I recently went through this with my 2 yr old. He was still breastfed and he slept in my bed with me. Even though I talked to him about the baby in my tummy he still didn’t really understand. When I went to hospital he stayed with my sister for one night then back with my husband. I was gone 3 days. The hardest part was that to him I just seemed to disappear. He couldn’t visit me in the hospital. I came home with a new baby who was now breastfeeding and it upset him. He was extra emotional for about 2 weeks, worried I would disappear again. But it does get better. He is back to his normal happy self now and he loves his baby sister.
    Try not to stress about the situation, it does nobody any good, and more than likely everything will be totally fine.

  • @ellen
    Hello! I haven’t had bub number two. He is due on the 28th of Jan.
    I’m getting so emotional reading all of the lovely comments and advice everyone has written here.
    Bub number 1 is spending 5 days with my parents during the week from 9 to 5.
    Will hopefully be introducing her to a sleepover in the next couple of weeks.
    Hoping it all goes well!

  • It is hard sorry to hear as they do get separation anxiety. Can your partner look after your 1 yr old ? It is also a good time to introduce a security comforter with ur smell to your little one so she can get attach to the comforter and hopefully feel secure

  • You’re not overreacting but you are putting extra stress on yourself. Start now by letting her know you will be away for a couple of nights but bringing home a brother or sister. You could also set up a computer to do face time. Start that now by having her in one room and you in the other so she can get used to the idea. Let her know that you will always come back to her. Hope this is a bit of comfort for both of you

  • I felt just like this when I had my 2 under 2 I felt like I was abandoning him but when the time came he seemed to handle it really well his dad found activities to do to take his mind of mummy being away we FaceTimed I’m sure it will all work out ok all the best xx

  • If your parents are the ones looking after her while you’re in hospital maybe spend night/or two at your parents with her then have her stay there alone. That way she knows it’s not unusual to stay there at night. You have plenty of advise here, good luck with it all.

  • How is it going ? Did you have your second child yet and are your daughter and you coping well ? Success ! x

  • Its always tough to leave your kids. Maybe you could try a few short times you leave your 1yo with someone else? Best to he left with the person who will be looking after her when you’re away. Try stop stressing, you’ll both get through it

  • Our girls are 14 months apart and we have always made sure with our kids and friends kids we give a present to the siblings of the new baby when they’re born like a new top saying big brother or sister, making sure people who see the baby also say hello to the other children before the baby they just need to feel an important part of the process and ensure you always give your kids a little one on one time each day like a story or special snack when baby goes for a sleep, just don’t stress it works itself out in the end. We have 16 and 15 year old daughter’s with Autism it’s hard but work with your partner and agree on how you handle things. It’s hectic but so worth it.

  • I had the same feelings when I was having my second child but to my surprise she did so well and understood the situation a bit.

  • Hope your one year old is now settling into a routine with your parents and not being so clingy. It’s amazing how children adapt to not having mum around all the time and she will probably be happier than you are will be about being apart. My kids never missed me at all, much to my chagrin. Good luck.

  • I was worried about my first child when having my second too. They are much more resilient than we think. January is still another four months away. Before then, maybe try and let the person who will be looking after them spend some one on one time with them now. Even if you can leave them for 30 minutes. That will show you both that you will return and that they will be okay.

  • Thanks so much for all of the advice, ladies!
    I think I will try a sleepover with her grandparents once a month then gradually to once a week.
    I just feel so bad for my parents as she still wakes during the night for a bottle.
    Hoping she gets better with her sleeping habits.

  • When I gave birth 13 weeks ago the hospital had a 2 visitor per day limit. I told them I have 2 children, they checked with whomever necessary and as they were both young (6 and 4) they were allowed to visit. Your one year old will be upset, but it might actually be good for her to realise that time away from you will be ok and that you will come back. Try just going for 5 minute walks around the block and then returning, then increase it but a small amount every day, that way it won’t be such a shock to her with it happening so suddenly! I get how stressful it is being pregnant when you have other children. I had so much difficulties with baby sitters being available and the one that said yes, changed her mind when I said I was being induced. She said I could drop my children at her house but only for a few hours and then arrange for someone else to pick them up! It all worked out in the end for me and will hopefully work out for you too. All the best.

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