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I am absolutely exhausted and my husband refuses to get up at night with our son because he thinks that men shouldn’t have to get up at night with their babies. Also he says he wants more kids but refuses to help with the one we already have. Any insights?


Posted anonymously, 14th March 2014


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  • Mine was trying but as i was breastfeeding that wasnt working for us


  • My husband did help in the middle of the night the first couple of months until we fell into a routine.


  • I can see where you’re coming from. I need my opinion, you both made this baby, you are both responsible for looking after it. Does your husband work? If yes, I son understand why he’s reluctant to get up to the baby through the night, no doubt you can see that perspective too. And have a rest during the day when bub is. Sleep is so very important to our overall general health and well being


  • That’s just ridiculous and sexist!! It wouldn’t hurt for him to help out once in a while – understandably he may have to work but you do also – as a full-time mother!! you don’t get lunch breaks or to knock off


  • Mine only got up once and it really is stressful and it is worse if he is the one that has to get up early and you don’t have to go to work so it is a catch 22 . I used to sleep in the daytime when baby slept so I was ok getting up and didn’t affect me that much as I knew they were going to wake up at a certain time to feed so I couldn’t relax anyway . I would try changing your sleep habits to adjust the babies and not being rude , he sounds like the type that ” women ” has a place , so depending on how you feel about it , that is enough to know what his beliefs are . Hope it works out on the routine .


  • My husband is a gem. I’m a stay at home mum and he works full time from about 8am to about 7pm and always helps out with bubs and our other 3. If the kids cry at night or little one is crying I get up but if I’m exhausted and sleep through he always gets up. I think the argument that it’s a women’s job to raise the kids is sooooo old and really not relevant in today’s age and society.
    Good luck and I think you should talk to him and tell him to help if he wants more children.


  • Monday to Friday, my husband works, so I get up with the baby.
    Friday and Saturday nights, I do the first feed and then he will get up and do the second.
    He did not offer, it took plenty of me whinging, but now he gets it.
    He will help if I bug him enough.


  • My hubby used to get up with our first. I breast fed, he was a night owl, so when bub woke for 1am-ish feed….hubby got him up,might him changed and bought him to me to be fed. Then hubby settled bub back to sleep, if needed. He didn’t work at the time, so it was ok this way for us. Bit different if hubby works


  • Sorry you arent getting any help, my husband does get up which is good


  • Yes he does. Its for both to care for your baby


  • My husband is fantastic, he gets up at night and often does the hard yards with difficult settling. He cleatly has an excellent relationship with our 8m old who is equally calmed and cuddles into his daddy as much as me. Sell the benefits to him


  • Apologies if this is rude but your husband’s attitude grinds my gears. I understand if he’s feeling overwhelmed during the week with work but you need a break too, even just on weekends. My husband helps but I generally have to ask (I breastfeed so he’s limited in helping overnight). But if I’m slow to get bub he will happily get up first and bring the baby to me then put him back. He particularly helps when the baby wakes 2 hours overnight. But other times I’m all over and do it myself.
    He may be difficult to get through to, but explain that even though you may be happy to mostly get up overnight, at times you need help because it’s too much! He may not always hear the baby so tell him how often your up and what you would like him to do. Babies are hard work and us mums need support :)


  • nope! I breast feed though. in the early days he used to make me a cuppa but that’s it. I tend to co sleep a bit too much to his disgust


  • Men are different, and if those are your husbands values I’m not sure what might fix them. Can you widen your husbands social circle to include hands on dads? Or just show him how to be involved with bub.

    My DH is hands on and he does the morning (2-8) shift. He also does more than his fair share of nappies, cooking, feeding, cleaning, dressing etc. admittedly he is also SAHD by his choice.

    I have heard that fathers of multiples are the best dads – there’s no where to hide if mums dealing with baby A and baby B is screaming!


  • Man are just lazy! :( it sucks but it doesn’t get any easier! Xx hugs!


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