9 Answers

A few years ago i got divorced. I was living on my own for the first time in my life (with my daughter) and was working, earning my own money. I had alot of friends i’d see every few days. I was happy. I met my partner and we fell pregnant very quickly and my daughter and i moved to his town (partially for him but also to get away from my ex), but since then i’ve been feeling very depressed and very down. Like i lost my identity when our second child was born and 2 years later i’m struggling to get it back.

I dont know how to get me back again when i have my toddler with me all the time. He’s got a injured back and in order for him to keep working he can’t do alot at home, which i’m ok with but it means i dont get any real me time.

I love my children, my house and my partner. I love the area we live in, but i feel trapped. Some days i cant breathe. I am on medication and seeing a counsellor but it isn’t changing how i feel.

I’ve lost alot of friends when i moved and have some new ones but it isn’t the same. They are more acquaintances then real friends.

Because of how i feel i am really struggling in social situations. I get anxious and panic. Which makes me feel even worse. I have always had some form of depression and anxiety but never this bad.

Posted anonymously, 12th February 2018

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  • Keep seeing your counsellor and taking your medication. Hopefully you will see light at the end of the tunnel sooner rather then later

  • Hi, I have just read your story ..do hope you are doing OK.
    Was wondering if Nabo could possibly make life a little more social for you.

    Nabo: meet neighbours, find events, join your neighbourhood
    Over 330000 Australians use Nabo to connect and share with their neighbours and stay up-to-date with what’s happening in their neighbourhood. Join Nabo today!

  • It’s tough moving somewhere new and harder when it’s not just you to worry about. Look into activities your local area has. Things like the library or community center are great ways to get out of the house and meet new people. Once you find your new people it will hopefully be a lot easier to get your me time. There are groups on Facebook (mama tribe) and an app called Mush that are dedicated to bringing Mums together do they aren’t alone. Hopefully these can help you find some beautiful local Mums to help you find yourself again. I hope you are doing ok now.

  • How are you going now ?

  • That must be such a difficult situation to be in. Could you maybe put your 2yo in childcare for a couple of hours a week to give you some me time? Or maybe head back to see friends where you used to live to brighten yourself up a bit

  • What a difficult situation. It sounds like you need some ‘me’ time – but hard when you have little help with the toddler. I wonder if you can afford a gym? Many have a free creche allowing you to get time out – in the cafe, or workout in the gym, swimming, fitness classes – you could almost spend the whole day there! Exercise really does help improve mood. I know a lot of people with depression and young kids benefit from the community spirit at parkrun (free meetings every Saturday morning around the country) where people walk/jog/run 5km. Many parents push the stroller and chat. Walking is also good for the back and your partner might find a new hobby with you both.

  • It can be hard leaving all you know behind you and starting a new. I would be having a talk with your counsellor if things are no getting better. Maybe find a playgroup or mothers group where you can talk to other people. Play dates are handy as your child goes somewhere else you could get some time to yourself. This might mean you having their child at your place too.

  • Bless you !! It can be hard sometimes, when caring for our kids and homework takes up a lot of space, our world can become very small. When our kids were young we lived in Northern Ireland in a wee farmers town, a very closed community and I felt lonely, depressed and trapped too. Moving here I felt totally different and I made a huge effort to reach out to people around me, inviting them over, organising play dates, an open door all the time. Things radically changed by that. Wish you would live nearby and I would reach out to you ! When medication and counselor don’t work you could consider change or stop it all together and do a course (something constructive), where you meet people, instead.

  • I’m so sorry you feel this way. But don’t beat yourself up. First of all, you say you are on medication. Maybe that’s not the right medication for you at the moment? Why don’t you go and talk to your GP about it?
    Having a child that needs your constant presence is surely challenging. But maybe you can get some help there. From your partner or somebody else that comes regularly, maybe 2-3 hours a week, so you can take some deserved time for yourself.

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