40 Answers

Ever since the birth of my baby girl (she is 8mo now) I find myself caring for her more than my husband that it gets to a point that I don’t want to spend any time with him and I just want to play/spend time with my girl. I love him very much but I feel like we are not as ‘in-love’ as before and I am scared that we will end up like housemates instead of lovers :( He has asked me to let someone mind our daughter for just one night so we can have a date night but I said no without giving him a chance.I feel horrible for rejecting him all the time but I can’t help it. I know I am a horrible person and he is trying so hard to make me happy. Has anyone feel the same?

Posted anonymously, 2nd January 2014

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  • You are not horrible, but after 8 months you should be able to start looking after your relationship as well as your baby. Maybe you need to talk to a professional about this – a counsellor.

  • Hi mumma, given this is years old I’m hoping you are ok! There are a few things, relationships do require work- try to book time in for him too.

  • Even if you don’t want to do a date night, spend time with your husband when your baby girl is asleep. A little kindness and intimacy will do you and your husband’s relationship good.

  • I can personally recommend making an effort to do a date night at least once a month. If being close to your husband is becoming a problem then seek help… maybe speak to your doctor and see if you can be referred to someone specialising in this field. Wishing you all the best to find ways to keep the love alive.

  • I went through the same thing with my hubby with both my children. It is normal to feel that way. Sometimes you are so focused on being a mother that you forget to be a wife as well. For me I had no sex drive and I was also very apprehensive about having sex as I had a major tear so was very fearful it would hurt. My poor hubby for both my children due to complications we could not be intimate for the whole of my pregnancies and then my sons were both about 8 months before we were finally intimate. Talk to him about your feelings/fears. Start by just cuddling, try to rekindle that closeness and you will find the physical stuff will naturally follow once you feel comfortable.

  • It is great reading the comments!

  • Don’t worry – it’s normal to feel and act like the way you do.
    Time will tell, but you can start by giving your hubby a little time each day with or without your 8mo.

  • A year on and I wonder how you are going??

  • Maybe you could try having a date night at home, if you dont feel like you can leave bub yet. Wait till after baby is snoozing, and have a nice candlelit dinner and maybe a little wine, with your hubby. Show him you still need him and love him too. Every little bit helps. Good luck! :)

  • Sounds normal to me!

  • I dont think you are a horrible person, you sound like a pretty normal new mum completely in love with your new baby! I think by merely appreciating the fact you have an issue with the amount of time you and your husband spend together you are halfway to a solution, soon you will realise (and so will he) that it is now about spending time together as a family! You will find intimacy returns after dark when the little ones are in bed for the night!

  • You do need to let go … what your husband is asking isn’t unreasonable. A date night can mean going for a movie and dinner. sounds great to me. you will push him away more if you dont make an effort.

  • you need to make a change soon, a little time together after bubs asleep maybe

  • I think this is natural, they are our babies and we feel so much love for them

  • Noone can beat the love we feel for our kids, but as they get older it will swing back to your partner

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