27 Answers

My partner is already talking second baby and our first is only 17 mths old. He wants them close together but I had a bad time with my first. I do want a second but I don’t think I am ready. I am a sufferer of PND and I’m┬áscared. Is there ever a good time?

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Posted by Shay, 19th May 2015

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  • I’m sorry you are suffering from pnd , hope you are being treated for that and taking good care of yourself. Did you tell hub your feelings ? You maybe scared as well because there seems to be “extra pressure ” on you to have another one when it hasn’t even be discussed. I don’t want to sound selfish but it is the women who gives birth and it is so easy for the males to say have another one . I would seriously consider seeing a counsellor if your pnd is debilating you as this will affect your resilience to stress and decision making . If I am highly anxious , I don’t like pressure and it adds to my worries. That is not what you need right now. Perhaps you need to tell you hub directly what your health situation is so he knows pnd is not be brushed aside so that is very important . Hope you get support soon .

  • I would suggest when it feels right! If you have to ask this question, you aren’t ready LOL

  • After my first, I honestly didn’t want to ever go through it again. It was a traumatic experience and I couldn’t fathom doing it again. My second wasn’t planned, so I just dealt with it as I had no choice. And you know what? It wasn’t as traumatic as the first! I guess if you have to do something, you make do and expect the worst but of course hope for the best. My third by the way was easier again, haha. I was so stressed and worried but had the easiest labour ever. :-)

  • If you aren’t feeling ready then it’s not time, you will know when you are ready. I had a bad first child as well and waited 4 years, I couldn’t have done it sooner as I wasn’t ready. I have been blessed with a great 2nd child and my 4 year old is at an age where he can and likes to help.

  • The best time to have a baby is when you and your partner are ready and that should go with the second baby to. is your oldest ready to share you and your partner, are you ready to go though pregnancy again, are you up for a bit more stress on your plate. you should want to be a %100 before you start trying again and you would want to make sure you start thinking about your health. go for a bit of a holiday with the family and have a good think about it when you come back. having another baby should make you feel all excited and happy ready to do it all over again and love it like you did with your first one. i hope my advice helped you out and best of luck xo

  • Once the pelvic instability subsided and I could walk properly again, the need to provide a sibling for my son kicked in

  • You will know in yourself when you are ready. When you feel settled and comfortable in yourself you will know you are ready. Don\’t be pressured into having a second child especially if you your self are unsure. Some people than encourage you to aren\’t always there for the hard times. Xxxtake care xx

  • My second was born when my first was 5. On one hand i could look after a baby easier with her sister at school but on the other hand i wish they were closer in age as they dont get along well at all, my oldest often says she wished her sister was closer to her age. My younger three are close by two years and get along ok( sometimes) . If your child can say i would like a sibling its probaly a good sign

  • That sounded like me, we decided on no.2 when we discovered the pill didn’t work and found out I was pregnant, we had both been having thoughts prior to this that we should either have no.2 or not. 1st bub is 3 in sept.
    My eldest brother is 6 years older- we are close, my other brother is 2 years older and my sister is 1 year and 16 days younger than me. So I think having some age difference is good, my boy will go to preschool 3 days a week next year and this will be mine and new baby special time,

  • When we had our first, we thought we’ld have our 2nd when the first started school, theory being I’ld have all day with just me and new bub. Reality was….I took on a babysitting job, got clucky and our 2nd came along 3 years after our first. You both have to be ready to add another child. Your first experience would be off putting, but let’s be honest, that could happen with your 1st, 2nd, 3rd etc or never happen again. Follow your instincts, you’ll know when is the right time

  • I didn’t.. He kinda just happened.. My first was only 6 months when I found out I was pregnant again but I wouldn’t change it for the world! My two boys will be 14 months apart and I’m loving the idea more and more each day!

  • I too suffered PND with my first and I had decided that was it for me until my baby was no longer a baby, at around two I started realising I could risk it again. It helps if the first is potty trained, there is a 3.25 gap between my boys and that helps heaps. The oldest helps entertain bubs and enjoys him as much as we do.

  • There’s never going to be a ‘perfect’ time. We went back for number two because my cluckiness was getting out of control just after our son turned one lol. Just remember that not every experience will be the same so you might not end up with PND again (and if you do, well you know the signs and can start treatment ASAP and hopefully nip it in the bud).

  • My kids are 14 months apart and I had PND and anxiety with my first but not with the second. I didn’t think I could handle 2 kids with so little gap but family support is what gets you through. If your husband is there to help and support you with both the kids then talk it over, maybe speck to a counsellor or see the community health nurse. Every child is different. My cousin has kids that are 3 years apart and found having a newborn was a hard transition for the 3 year old. My friend has 6 years difference between her 2 kids. I found it hard at first but my family was a big help as was my husband and I have no regrets, they play together all the time and miss each other when they are not together.

  • Ten years ago my daughter was born and I had severe PND and adjustment disorder. I struggled with the idea of going back down that path again and delayed a second child. Then my hubby was in and out of work and I couldn\\\’t take time out of the workforce to be pregnant etc again. (No family support for childcare etc.) Then fate took over with a combination of problems over several years and suddenly I\\\’m 43 and it\\\’s too late.

    If you do want another child, there is no ideal time after PND. You just have to line up your resources, get your plans in place and ensure you\\\’ve got funds set aside for housecleaning services, takeaway food and any other necessities to make those first few weeks bearable. Then go for it.

    Good luck!

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