9 Answers

I am the main carer of my elderly Father who lives at home by himself. I have a older sister but she does not live close so it’s up to me to do his grocery shopping etc, just lately he has become impossible as everything I do is just not good enough I know he’s elderly but it’s really getting to me as I try and help him but it’s just not enough.

Posted by sisterhood27, 5th April 2020

Want more real mum questions sent to you?

You'll need to check this email to complete your signup.
Ask your question
  • It can be hard to be both a carer and family member. Some organisations have care workers who come out to help people be independent at home for longer. I think the government offers some subsidies. Look up https://www.myagedcare.gov.au
    You usually start by organising an assessment.
    And if it’s that he isn’t finding it enough – that’s really tough! It’s impossible to be a full time carer for a parent and have a sense of independence without any other help. Be kind to yourself as you’re likely doing a lot!!

  • It is a difficult situation all around and can understand your feelings but also his frustrations. When life goes back to normal I think you need to give yourself a holiday and ask your sister for some help. Until then I think you will still have to do what is needed for him .. but if you need to just do the basis and give yourself some space.

  • I understand how that can be frustrating when you are doing the best you can. Try not take it personal I think he is also struggling with not being able to leave the house so taking it out and you and probably doesn’t realize. Not sure how close you are to him but maybe if you are comfortable have a chat to him and explain how you are feeling and empathize with him maybe he has no idea? Don’t know what else to suggest. Good luck.

  • All you can do is the best you can. Just do what you can and ignore any cranky pants behaviour. Well done for trying to do so much to help, you are a great daughter! xx

  • There’s not many suggestions to help you here. I do hope you find a solution that both you and your dad can live with

  • He probably doesn’t like losing control and I’m sure he appreciates it. Just hang in there and do what you normally do.

  • This seems to be very common with older people. I don’t think there’s an easy solution; maybe you should focus on finding emotional support for yourself.

  • Don’t let it get you down. Just go do what needs to be done, with some polite chatter, and leave. It’s possible he’s suffering from depression. He could be resentful about losing his independence and is taking it out on you

  • Is a carer an option for you?
    You sound like you are doing an amazing job. Stay strong and remember that. we are living in trying times and everyone is feeling the pinch. I’m sure he does appreciate all your help.

Post you answer
Like Facebook page

LIKE MoM on Facebook

What is your answer to that question?
Would you like to include a photo?
No picture uploaded yet.
Please wait to see your image preview here before hitting the submit button.
Your MoM account

Lost your password?

Enter your email and a password below to post your answer and join MoM:

↥ Back to top

Thanks For Your Star Rating!

Would you like to add a written rating or just a star rating?

Write A Rating Just A Star Rating