35 Answers

I’m frustrated with my partner. We have a son together, 3 years. He has a daughter 4.5 years. We have her 2 days 2 nights a week I look after her during the 2 days why he’s at work but when he home he undermines me e.g. I ask his daughter to eat all her tea she whines at him he tells her to put it on the sink. Lots of little things like this. So now she never listens to me and her and our son fight all the time. Only he gets in trouble by my partner. I’ve tried to talk to him and it always ends up in a fight that I’m a bitch to her or I don’t like her etc. Sometimes I tell him to deal with them and he won’t. I’ve been with him since she was a baby and love her very much. I’m just so lost what to do next. Any advice?

Posted by anon, 09/12/13

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  • This is tough because he only has minimal contact with her so no doubt wants her to have a nice time while she’s with him. Yet she still needs to know there are boundaries and rules. I hope you managed to sort things out

  • I wish you had spoke to somebody before it got to this point. The answer is understanding why your partner acts like this. He only has his child for 2 days and even then he has to work, so his time with her is very, very limited. He is trying to win his daughters love and he will naturally give her anything she wants to get that love. Please try to be patient and understanding with both of them. When the daughter visits, organize so they have time together alone occasionally and tell the daughter you have organized this for her. She will learn to appreciate you. Be a bit kinder, don’t make her eat all her tea. This leads to diet problems. This is not an attack on you. It is hard being a part time mother to another’s child. But I know most mums are strong and smart and can work out how to solve their problems ensuring all members of the household are happy. Be careful not to spoil your own child in compensation for the daughters actions. Kindness and patience always wins everybody’s heart. love to all Lyn.

  • It is good reading the comments and interest to this!

  • Try sit down with him and have a talk when the kids aren’t around. Good luck

  • stop trying to parent his daughter, leave it up to him to do you may be treating her differently and no be able to see it

  • A third party to help you both work through this may be the key if you cannot communicate effectively now. You cannot continue in a relationship where the other party fails to even contemplate your views and opinions. If you want this to work, then this may be the best option. Speak to your GP who will most likely be able to give you contacts in the community to help (there are plenty of free ones out there). I hope this situation has improved for you since you posted this question.

  • Speak to him when the kids aren’t around. He probably wants to ‘make it up’ to her for not being there for her 24/7 . Let him know that what he’s doing is doing her more harm than good.

  • I have this problem too. My husband treats his daughter from a previous marriage differently than our own kids because he feels guilty.

  • i had this problem before but it was due to the other parrty

  • Sit down with him in a quiet location away from kids and in a calm manner ask him ‘how can we raise our children that we can both agree to and is the best for our kids?’ Avoid getting frustrated and into arguments. Leg him know that you are wanting a harmonious house for all and working together is the only option. Compromise!

  • You must try to talk to him about this.

  • Hope you can find a way to talk to him about it. Maybe get some one to mind both kids so you can have a night with just the two of you.

  • Hope you both have worked out your issues.

  • I think you need to sit down and lay down exactly your expectations and his. You can’t keep going on like this as it will make matters much worse. Also pick your battles – if she does not want to eat she won;t starve and it is not worth getting into a fight over!

  • This is a tricky situation. I think you should talk to him face to face and discuss so you both can come out with an understanding…

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