47 Answers

My husband will be working out of town for the 3 weeks before my due date which is when my mother-in-law flies in and then she is planning on staying with us for 2 months after baby is born. I have asked my husband to be here and to find MIL a place to stay for 1-2 weeks after delivery so I can work on being a new mom without distraction. My husband says I’m being selfish and giving him problems.

Posted anonymously, 16th November 2018

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  • I’m shocked by your husbands response. But it is a tricky situation. If he won’t find her somewhere else to stay then he needs to tell her that she needs to be useful around this time, ie cook dinner, clean the house and to not get in your way

  • If you would feel uncomfortable I think if you go into another room politely and feed maybe that would be fine

  • i think in order for her not to interfere she needs jobs and it needs to be clear up front. so you can ask her to help you by cooking the meals and helping with the washing and cleaning. If someone really wants to help they dont mind doing these things as that is what is helpful with a new baby. trying to keep the house hold ticking along to its normal routine. Personally I think 2 months with or without a new baby is a huge time for someone to stay with you. it does put strains on everyones relationships. perhaps you could suggest she comes for a shorter time too?

  • If you have a MIL that’s is nosey like mine then I would definitely say something. When my daughter was born she hung around like a leech and I absolutely hated it. I would put my baby to sleep and she would come near the bassinet and starts shaking it to keep her asleep. It drove me insane. I couldn’t take it anymore and snapped. Luckily She backed off

  • He is being selfish. The health of your and your baby is most important, it will be busy enough without having your mother in law hanging around.

  • Aw I feel for you ! Personally I wouldn’t be able or wouldn’t want to deal with this. Luckily my husband wouldn’t want that either.
    First of all you’re not being selfish and I think you need a serious chat with your husband and set and protect your boundaries clearly.

  • It really isn’t selfish
    You need time to settle and don’t need a helicopter mother in law telling you your are not doing something right (her way)

  • It’ll only be more stressful for you, in an already stressful period. It just depends on whether or not you think it’ll be best for you. It all comes down to you because to be really honest, you are going to be doing most of the work anyways

  • If you don’t want her to stay after the baby is born, put your foot down and tell you husband you appreciate his concern but you want to be alone to bond with your baby. If MIL and your husband won’t listen then say you will make different arrangements for yourself and new baby. I’m sure they just want to make life as easy as possible for you. I wish you all the best for yourself and your new addition.

  • You are well within your rights to ask that your wishes be respected. It’s a tough time as it is and you need to make sure you do what’s best for you and bub.

  • I couldn’t handle that. After my children were born I basically sat around the house with my boobs hanging out while feeding. No way did I want anyone, other than my husband, to be there all the time. Short visits only for us.

  • I think you have every right to ask for her to not be there for a week or 2 after. That is a special bonding time between you and your baby. If she’s going to be there before the baby is born, tell her to go have a break/ holiday and come back refreshed ready to help

  • You might find your mum in law is a real help to you and hopefully you get closer to her. It’s natural to be nervous but she could be also.

  • You are totally in the right to ask that your wishes be respected at this time. Explain to her that you’d like to try & get into a routine straight away but you would appreciate her being available for advice over the phone. Tell her you hope she understands & that she will sms you to find out when she can come visit.

  • I think you are doing the right thing. You need to get in the hang of being new parent to your child.
    And just having a rest after having a baby is all you need.
    Your baby needs time with you and get use to the new routine of his/her life.
    Sit down with your husband and tell him how you are feeling. Maybe also talk to your mil and ask her to respect your wishes. It’s only going to be a 1 week or 2.

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