16 Answers

Did you have to try to be thankful for advice offered by your mother in law in caring for your newborn but at the same time struggled with at times feeling there was too much ‘interference’? How did you handle that?

Posted by mom74959, 16th April 2015

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  • Fortunately my mother in law learnt to butt out pretty soon and realised her son has his own family now. Every so often she’ll try to float ideas with him about for example things she wants to do with our daughter but she knows not to cross the line

  • My mother in law ; was extremely helpful. I took all her kind words if widsom in my strides.
    Rip carol chapman

  • when i first became pregnant, i was given a lot of advice that i didnt ask for. during my second pregnancy i told people that i appreciate their advice and i’ll let them know if i need more advice then changed the subject which made it obvious that i wasnt interested

    for a mother in law, i would be very tactful. maybe you should tell her that you value her advice but that lots of people are giving you advice and youre starting to feel overwhelmed and say that you promise you will come to her if you need advice in the future. let her down gently to keep the peace

  • Wise words CHERZ! Hopefully, we will all be MIL’s one day too and I will pass on my knowledge with love and care. :)

  • Just remember you may well be a mother-in law one day as well.
    The golden rule from me is too listen intently and process the information and use what you want.. when you want ..if you want.
    Best Wishes to you and your beautiful family. :-)

  • Ive set my boundaries and allowing her to babysit regularly. She is enjoying time with the grandchild alone.

  • Ahh mother in laws… I like to think they mean well and come from a place of love and trying to help. Unfortunately not always the case. Its hard as they are family and get under your skin but remember that what they did for their kids was 20 to 30 years ago and things have changed. For example we always sleep out babies on their backs, MIL told me they were told to put babies on their side and prop them up with pillows! You can always highlight what the changes have been (maybe she’ll get the hint) and ask her for help in other ways, ie nappy changing, washing, ironing and cooking! Or, get your partner to speak to them if they are really offensive, imposing, rude or upsetting! Good luck

  • Ahh the mother in laws! Mines frustrates me so badly but I’ve learned to just ignore and agree to everything she suggests but then never actually do what she says haha!!

  • It can be very hard but may be ask her advice or what she did on something you are struggling with to help focus her attention on actually helping you solve something like potty training or feeding. good luck.

  • I had the most interfering Mother-in-law so much so she sent my blood pressure through the roof. My Gynecologist pin-pointed the problem and suggested that I avoid her as much as possible. When she came around I would leave my husband in charge of the kids and I would take time out. Mother-in-law and Son could do their best and he would come and complain to me how bossy she was… go figure now he could feel how I did and we would just pop into her house for a few minutes and or a quick meal and then we could leave when we had had enough of her and her advice. I would suggest that you take everyone’s advice as just information and you do things your way! Congratulations on being a great new MuM!

  • That will probably not change. You just have to know your own worth and position as a mum in your own right. You will discover your own ways that differ too. Take advice of any kind as useful in some ways, some might help. The rest just put on file.
    Be assertive in a plain speaking way.
    Like, I find this other way works better for me,

  • I think you need to sit down and talk to her, say you love having her around, but you would like it if she took a step back so you can be the parent

  • I agree with the other mums and think you should just take the advice politely and then do what you think is best without being rude about it. She is probably super excited about the baby. I know being a mum of boys I do worry about my future daughter in laws and wonder if I will be as involved as their mums will be.

  • I always listen to advice and then act on my own knowledge and skills. Family and friends offer advice as they do try and help as they have had experience too. Sometimes advice can be valuable and useful and other times it is not.

  • Very difficult! My mother-in-law was very judgemental and made things difficult for me. I tried to remain polite and accept some of her advice, but often just did what I thought was best.It did cause a rift between us though and the whole situation needs to be handled very carefully.

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