13 Answers

What to do – he is old enough to drink, smoke, and get up to mischief – he chooses not to. His only friends are mine, as people his age cannot tolerate him.

He plays on the computer for up to 10 hours a day. Yes, part of me feels frustrated by this, but I sort of think that it is his best mate – he talks to people online, is a kind caring young man, and our dog adores him. I spend time with him every weekend and after work.

What to do? Is he wasting his life and am I culpable? Or do I accept this is how he wants to live his life and love and accept him/computer? Would love to know your thoughts…. Kaz

Posted by coastalkaryn, 27th January 2015

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  • At the moment, everyone seems happy with the situation, but you have to think you won’t always be there for him. How will he cope without you on his own? Maybe a chat to your GP for a referral to start with

  • A friend with a teenage son with Aspergers was finding the same thing with her son. He recently started a part time job at Subway and this seems to really help him.

  • See if you can find any disability services in your area that offers gamers to play together so they can have some social interaction. He’s not wasting his life. He’s living the best he can at the moment. Don’t think of yourself as culpable – that’s just going to make you down on yourself. Have you got a local tafe? See if there are any courses for him there at an entry level. Don’t push him too much as that will just make him go inwards even more.

  • If he loves computer time so much, maybe suggest to him to get some sort of computer course.. It could be gaming, IT, website designer even!

    My son with intellectual disabilities is 16 this year, and if he could spend all day everyday on the computer, he would.

  • I have a 7 year old n also suspect he has aspergers n like your son, hes already best friends with the xbox one, i reckon although its not perfect at least hes not drinking too much or doing drugs, i wouldnt worry too much.

  • Hi Kaz I too have A 22 year old grandson with undiagnosed Aspergers he was brilliant as a child but didn’t speak a word until he was 2 years old, I feared he had Autism, now I do believe he has Aspergers. He has completed a double degree in Interactive Gaming and Buisiness, both with high distinctions, and has a part time well paid job. But spends every other waking hour day and night on line. He has a few friends who are also computer geeks, they are all great people. I used to worry about what will become of him, and wish he was more normal, but what is normal in this day? He is a thoughtful and caring young man when we can drag him away from his room. I am just greatful he is not out hurting other people, there are enough of them around. I know I haven’t offered any solution,but it does help to know you are not unique. MARY

  • Bless you all for your comments – I greatly appreciate your love, help and advice x

  • I feel you pain, I have twin 26 year old sons with aspergers, they play there computers, they do play golf a couple of times a week together, but do not associate with anyone else, they do not come out of their rooms except for meals, we have tried tafe and all sorts of things without success, they are wasting their lives, they save all their money and have healthy bank accounts, they do not drink, smoke, take drugs, so I look at it that it could be worse, I know where they are but what happens when I am no longer around to look after them.

  • My son is 20 and practically lives in his room with computer and xbox. He has a problem with looking at people when he is speaking to them. Common with Aspergers my doctor told me. He also has no friends his own age. We have a cat that adores him. We go away and leave him on his own for 3 or 4 days to force him to cook. (I do leave frozen meals). He phones for advice several times a day. Can you leave your son for a few days to let him cook for himself. I don’t worry about other things as I know he will remember to feed the cat and himself. The first time I left him he was 15 and I went 3 kilometres to a friends house for one night and was home for breakfast. He really struggles to show feelings and I haven’t found any relevant books. None written about my experience with Aspergers. Maybe like dementia everybody is different. I have resigned myself to the fact he may never get a full time job. He works two nights at McDonalds. Mostly cleaning because he can’t remember the procedure to make hamburgers.Hopefully some other mums will reply and I can get help as well.

  • Totally understand where you are coming from Kaz. My son is only 13 and if allowed he will play Minecraft all day, all night. He talks to alot of people playing also. Has made gaming friends. If he cant use the PC he gets frustrated, snappy until he gets back on. The only sport he plays is golf which isnt actually social when you are hitting a ball. he has had 3 friends only since prep. he isnt interested in other kids and kids often tease or hassle him.etc… I could go on, Anyway this is what your Son enjoys o i say let him communicate online. Aspergers kids arent really social people (loners) but they are highly intellegent. So Computers are perfect for your son. A career in IT, or anything computers or software. Its his life and at 22 you cant force him to do thing he doesnt want to do…Anyway good luck hun and to your Son. I am sure he will go far

  • It depends on his level of functioning – a diagnosis of Aspergers doesn’t tell you much about him as a person – his interests, skills, capacity to work etc. Depending on which state you live in their may be organisations that you can contact to plan for his future.
    A question to ask yourself…..If something happened to me today, what would happen to my son?

  • Hi, Kaz it is a sign of the times. I have family members who play games on-line too. They do however hold down good jobs and have outside interests too. It’s important that your son does do the things he needs to do around the house and keep up his obligations first. This is his down time and that’s ok. Don’t be to harsh but don’t forget to tell him that you will not bring food to him. Food is in the kitchen to be eaten with the family. Many Mum’s I know take the kids food and drinks so they do not get up and away from the keyboard/screen or even hold on and do not use the bathroom. He is a adult so set out some guidelines he can work with. Walk the dog, go to the store for you and go out for dinner away from the house so his gaming is limited. Face to face friendships are very important. See if there are other things to do around your neighbourhood like Ice Hockey games or Softball or Baseball games he could go and watch. But tickets to the movies and set up some outings he would enjoy. Best of luck.

  • I am sorry I am not much help in this one, but is there a support group that you and him can join, or day programs that with Aspergers can go to? May be it is worth talking to your gp or other trained person about how to get him support. Good luck

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