33 Answers

My baby is now 13 weeks and was born 7 weeks premature. Whenever we are at family events my husbands family takes our baby away from us demanding a cuddle. For instance at his baptism I handed him to someone in my family so I could prepare a bottle then someone from my husbands family grabbed him off my family member and then I did not see him for the rest of the afternoon. He was passed around to every single person there. I guess my question is am I selfish for not wanting them to do this. I am all for them being involved and I don’t mind them holding him however they come and just take him off me, I feel like they should wait until I offer for them to hold him, I also don’t like one person takes him and then they pass him to the next person who passes him to the next person like a football, I would like to be the one to pass him to someone then they give him back for me to decide if I want somone else holding him. We had asked that no one holds him who didn’t have their whopping cough vaccinations however he was passed around to lots of people without them. I barely got to see my son at his baptism celebration because someone took him off me and took him to every person in the room. Even people we didn’t want holding him. I was burping him at another family event and my husband grandma said I can do that I said no it’s okay and she said no I can do it and stood behind me waiting and made me feel really uncomfortable, I just feel like I am the one who has to go home and deal with him if he gets sick or I want him to be familiar with me burping and feeding him. But they make me feel so bad. I’m not sure if this is in the right category but it just makes me feel so bad about myself.

Posted by mom481395, 20th September 2021

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  • Excuse me but aren’t you the one who carried him in your tummy and gave birth to him, had all those anxious moments and are the one who will be looking after him when they go home. Do not feel bad about yourself for wanting to have your son with you. Do the right thing for your son and yourself and tell them not to pick him up without your say so. If they don’t listen then take your son for a walk and tell your husband you’ll meet him at home. You are a wonderful Mum and his family are not worthy of being in your life at the moment. I desperately hope that your husband feels the way you do. Just try not to be there or make out that you are on your way out to some appointment if they turn up unannounced and try to take your baby from you.

  • It happens a lot at social gatherings. I know I used to welcome the free time when my kids were off with others. I guess it all depends on the mum

  • AT 13 weeks, you and your baby are still bonding, so I think you have every right to want to keep him close to you and not have him passed around like a parcel.

  • It’s hard because you definitely have the right to say who can and can’t hold your baby but it’s nice for them to have cuddles. You are ultimately in charge and can say no but that’s not always easy when people might not be receptive or it’s something you have trouble doing.
    Be honest with the babies Dad about how you feel and ask him to help make sure your wishes are granted. If you can tell someone when they hold the baby to return them straight to you. Remind them that bub is vulnerable and it’s really important they’re not held by too many different people. Tell them the Doctor said you need to restrict the amount of people holding bub if you need to.
    Goodluck it’s not easy.

  • Not selfish at all. The baby needs to be with you, even if it’s nice to have that break. Also i feel that it gets the baby into a bad habit of wanting to be held all the time as they get older. Not something you will enjoy if it happens

  • For me personally it’s still a time you are still getting to know one another, it’s great bubs can meet everyone but it’s definitely not selfish to be asking for YOUR baby back. My little miss is 11 weeks old and due to where I am noone has meet her but we have had plenty of time to get to know each other and enjoy baby time. Enjoy as much time you can get while they are small, they grow up so quickly.

  • That makes me angry reading that, especially in the age of covid! I would have to get past my social anxiety and stand my ground. I was very strict about keeping my baby away from those (including family members) who hadn’t had their whooping cough vaxs.

  • This is definitely so relatable. I just learnt to let it all go. At the end of the day it might be hard for that day or time they visit but it gets better over time. Not worth stressing. Then talk to your partner alone and explain how it can ruin baby’s routine etc and hope he understands and can talk to them next time

  • Depending where you live in Australia Covid Rules could be in your favour. Mask wearing, vaccinations and a bubble person/carer other than your husband. That’s it! Keep these precious babies safe from viruses. Especially the first year where baby has lots of vaccinations to deal with. LOOK don’t touch rule. That would have to work for both sides of the family and friends. It’s a different time 2021 is making us all think to keep everyone safe and well. You must not feel bad Mum! Most Mums will be feeling just like you do. Grandparents will be fine with it as long as you have a conversation and let them know that the rules have changed for babies been handed around. It’s too risky!!!!

  • I think it’s lovely that they want to hold him so much however you also have the right to feed and burp your own baby. When they try and take him just say no and hold onto him.

  • I must admit I am one of those people that see a baby and want to hold him/her. Make the most of it. You are lucky your in-laws want to hold the baby, mine were not interested.

  • Try and set boundaries. I hear you and understand. I had in-laws that just took over at every opportunity when there was an audience or at their home. They had rules that they wanted my son at their place rather than our place. It caused problems and now, we don’t see them at all. Stand your ground and do what feels comfortable for you.

  • I was very firm at very begging I told my husband i done wish people kisding after I saw my inlaws kissing touching our son just after birth(they both are heavy smokers)He was on same page and told them we don’t wish that kind behaviour.

  • With covid around you are perfectly within your rights to say to them ”new rule, no one at all will be holding baby or coming closer than 1.5 meters from him and if you want to be around him you need to wear a face mask”.
    He was after all premature – they are an unthinking bunch and your husband needs to be on your side. Discuss this with your doctor as well.
    Your baby, your rules for his health in these times.

  • Appreciate it while you can. One day you might need them to look after the baby because you are sick or just need help and then you will want them to take the baby all the time – at least for a while.
    Having said that I can understand your point of view too. It’s hard to have it both ways.

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