10 Answers

He can’t get a job and he got him self a dog so he for walks, she is trained very well but he hardly walks her and is getting bigger. He has been looking for a job. But I think he goes for the interview and doesn’t get anywhere because of his weight.. He doesn’t drink or party. I’m worried about him, he’s 22 years old hasn’t worked. He’s a good boy.  I talk him about his weight, but he is so down won’t do anything about it. I’m worried and I love my son. What can I do.


Posted anonymously, 5th January 2015


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  • This is a tough one because your son is an adult. I would encourage him to go to a gym or hire a personal trainer.


  • Sounds like your boy might have depression. Talk to your doctor about it.


  • This is very difficult. Make sure you only cook healthy meals at home and encourage him to walk with you. You could make a plan to walk at the same time everyday, in the morning or after dinner, whichever suits and it would be good for you both and motivate him to come with you.Once walking every day becomes a habit, you will both love it and miss your walks if you miss a day. I wish you lots of luck and hope he finds a job soon.


  • He has self worth issues for want of a better description . Probably depression too. Not into drugs so that’s good, Needs restoration of his self esteem , perhaps counselling will help. It is good to speak to a third party , not family. Best of luck . I am a Vietnam Veteran , nearly committed
    suicide when I came back , he needs to know life is worth living.


  • Get junk food pit of your house, replace it with healthy options. I assume he has no money of his if he has no job. Try involve him in an outside activity, maybe gardening, maybe involve yourself if that helps get him involved. He is 22 tho, he has to make his own choices, only he can help him


  • Maybe you could suggest a visit to the GP as they can assist with a healthy eating plan and also with counselling support for possible depression?


  • Yor son is not a boy,he is a man! You cannot change what he does, you can change what you do. Stop enabling him! He did not become overweight at age 22, it has happened because of how he was raised, the unhealthy diet he has established in childhood. He is dependant on you when he really aught to be totally independent.
    What you can do is stop providing unhealthy food. All family members can change to healthier meals. It seems he may be feeling depressed and lacking self esteem, because of his weight. Insist he walk his dog or the dog will find a home where it will be cared for and exercised. He can’t afford a pet, he has no income to provide for it. This can be a bargaining tool. Send him off on errands, that involve him walking. The other tough love is to give him a time frame to be employed, or he study to gain skills so he can gain employment. As a child, did he play sports or be involved in any outside school activities? Perhaps you can suggest he become involved in some social groups.
    What does he do all day? You can set the rules required for him to live in your home…he has to be out of the home from 8:30AM – 5:30 PM. He can really use this time to search for work or be enrolled in studies. If he spends his time in front of TV or computer you can stop this as his way to avoid doing something more constructive with his time. He can also volunteer somewhere until he is employed. So to remain living in your home he has three choices. Get a job. Begin studies to learn skills. Volunteer somewhere. He can walk to these places, or take public transport. You need to stop supporting him to continue as he is without him realising he needs to change how he lives.

    I am guessing that perhaps there is only you and your son, that he has become a Mummy’s Boy. To Molly coddle a child is to set him up to fail at becoming a well adjusted adult the relationship often is one of codependency.
    The parent relies on the child to remain childlike and fill the parents need this to gives purpose to their life. The child does not develop to become a self actualised adult, and needs the parent provide all their needs, way beyond the age that they can stand alone and meet their own needs. He does not need anyone else but his mum, this is sad. Many boys grow up feeling that they are responsible for how their mother feels. This also is sad.


  • Maybe the whole family could adpot a healthy eating plan. Like try cutting sugar out or something… Do some online research, make it feel like you are all making a change and its not just targeted at his weight loss. Set up some challenges etc. Good luck :)


  • Go walking with him. He needs encouragement and support. Get the dog and say come on lets go take the dog for a walk. Once you are in the habit it gets easier.


  • It sounds like you have tried on your own and maybe now need some professional help. Your doctor should be able to talk to him and perhaps even suggest a counsellor that can help him. It must be very hard for you both.


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