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29 Answers

My brother and I have always been close, until he got married. His wife is an extremely confrontational and verbally aggressive person. She has started numerous fights with people on our family. She has started several fights with me that have resulted in her and my brother not talking to me for weeks on end. Every time I am the bigger person apologising first, even though I’m not in the wrong, because I would rather save the relationships than do further damage. I prefer to let things go.
However recently she started something again and she is completely in the wrong. I really don’t think I can forgive her again. I don’t know what to do as I don’t want to lose my brother. Does anyone have any advice?


Posted anonymously, 19th May 2014


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  • I see this is an old question. How is it going now ?


  • It’s so hard when someone close to you is blinded by love. All ou can try is to talk to your brother, explain the situation and how you’re feeling about it. Yu can’t do anymore then that and hope it sees the truth


  • i WOULD MAKE A YOU FEEL STATEMENT TO HER.’ I FEEL UPSET WHEN YOU SAID THAT’. sHE i FEEL MUST BE VERY UNCERTAIN ABOUT HERSELF TO BEHAVE IN THIS WAY. LET HER KNOW HOW YOU FEEL WHEN SHE DOES OR SAYS SOMETHING UNKIND. hOPE THIS HELPS THE SITUATION AND YOUR FRIENDSHIP WITH YOUR BROTHER


  • You need to tell your brother how you feel without his wife around.
    Explain that you love him & want to maintain a relationship with him but you just can not tolerate his wife & her nastiness anymore.
    It is unfair on both of you.
    I wish you the best of luck.


  • You might need to start seeing your brother without her around. You could try explaining the situaiton to him and tell him you can’t deal with her right now. There’s no reason you can’t spend time with your brother without her.


  • I would get your brother alone and tell him how you feel. He is going to have to see what she is doing eventually


  • talk to your brother directly when she is not around. let him know how important your relationship is to you but how difficult it is when his wife seems out to create tension.


  • oops should read “tell him” not me. so sorry.


  • Had the same situation with my brother and his wife, my sister-in law was very opinionated and would often criticize my brother and it was always her way or no way. They would fight but stayed together for 37 years, till last year when she asked him for a divorce, he was shocked and even though we all wondered how this couple stayed together, we were shocked at the eventual out come as well, but in saying that it was the best thing that could have happened. He is travelling around Australia and is stress free for the first time in years. Things have a way of working them selves out at times, not saying that your brother and sister-in-law will come to this but please my only advice to you is look after yourself and don’t get caught in her viscous web. Speak to your brother and let him know your feelings and tell me that many times you and his wife will agree to disagree.

    All my love and strength to you.


  • just try talking and tell him how you feel


  • Show your brother what you’ve written here…he might not like it but at least then he’ll know how you feel. If you don’t want to do that, perhaps talk to him one-on-one and explain how you feel but try not to put down his partner – he’ll probably get defensive. Talk about you and him more. All the best.


  • i would talk to your brother and get him understand where your coming from, but try not get mixed into it to much


  • Is she really worth losing your brother over? She sounds like she has a lot if insecurities and needs to sort her own issues out first.. Feel sorry for her. If she has that much time on her hands to start problems. She needs to start a new pass time.


  • I agree with what a few of the other mums have said, it seems like you and your sister in law clash dramatically. Thats no reason to have to lose your brother. You can chat with him, catch up with him etc. whenever shes not around.


  • I would talk to your brother in person and just tell him whats going on and your really worried thats she’s going to put such a rift between the two of your your going to lose him as a brother.
    Hopefully he will listen to you if not have you thought about speaking to your sister in law and just asking why she keeps making these silly arguments happen and what is her problem with the relationship you and your brother have.
    Good luck hope everything works put for you.


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