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16 Answers

Would love to hear from mums who have been able to make positive changes with the way their partner communicates with them. My partner was very attentive and interested in me at the beginning of our relationship but now I feel like he is just crusiing. He doesn’t make much of an effort to ask about me, chat with me about new topics or anything. He will come home from work tired but guess what, so am I! I make the effort to engage with him but he will literally let me carry the entire conversation. Despite prompting him to ask me questions, it makes me feel sad that he can’t be bothered to ask anything about me or my day.


Posted anonymously, 22nd October 2020


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  • Suggest a weekend away somewhere that you will both enjoy. That’s what we used to do when we were able to.


  • Nice to read a man’s perspective Paul


  • I’m on mouths of mums page because I subscribed to enter a competition. I felt sad to hear your story about your husband not being attentive or communicating with you at present. A suggestion from a man’s perspective.(Mine, lol) re the situation of the posters male partner not being present in the relationship. Basically, blokes are pretty easy to understand when you look inside their head. Number one: Your man needs to be, or feel that he is being respected by his partner. Science informs us that a woman’s number one need from her man is to be, or feel loved by her partner. May I suggest (If you’re doing this particular thing) dropping the : You always… or You never… comments or accusations. He sees them as disrespectful and will most likely give up, thinking he will never be able to please you or meet what he sees, as your overly high expectations of him. You could try using I statements instead: For example…I feel sad when you ignore me because it make me feel unloved. May I suggest booking a nice romantic weekend away together. Nice food and drinks, great times of intimacy together, ( Hint hint: Please remember that us blokes are super visual, leave something to the imagination though) walking hand in hand on the beach. That’s the best time to discuss your needs with your man… your man hates it if you keep bringing up his failures time and time again, he will simply turn off and stop listening, he may just stop trying altogether. You may misconstrue this as him not caring for you anymore. I hope your readers won’t take offence at my remarks or suggestions, they came from this blokes caring heart, personal past experiences and someone who is extremely fortunate to be in a wonderful, amazing mutually loving and respectful relationship. All the best in love and life…Paul B.


  • Tell him how you feel. Maybe he doesn’t realize he is doing it. Maybe he is content with what you have but if you don’t tell him you are not happy he might not know. Men can really be so blind to things sometimes.


  • I think you need to talk to him, let him know how you feel. Listen to him, but also make him listen to you.


  • Hi
    Most of the things we use daily last longer and run smoother when someone takes the time for a little TLC. Relationships are certainly no different and probably my favourite on the reward/effort scale. The more effort you put in = better results. Win/win for me. As mentioned in another response here, love and relationship books can offer great information. Depending on you and your partner, your likes and dislikes, a possible fun way to peak his interest could be by seeing you do your research. YouTube have lots of helpful quick videos on relationships. I am not aware of your tv watching habits or if you have a smart TV but if you think hubby might join you in watching some of these, it would be a great way to work on it together. I would recommend maybe starting with Mat Boggs How to keep a man chasing you for ever.
    Mat is married- 8 years and offers practical, sound advice that can easily be put into practice. Maybe next you can find one for hubby to watch. Best wishes


  • He may be going through some issues and doesnt know how to deal with them. Pick a time eg weekend to sit down and talk about your concerns and ask him if anything is wrong. Look into counselling to learn how to communicate with each other.


  • I’m in the same boat as you and honestly it really makes my heart break so much to see him drift away in this relationship. It feels more of an one-way effort from myself to keep this boat sailing.


  • Do think you should come right out an say what is bothering you and find out if there is another reason that he is no longer confiding in you. Maybe he is worried and trying to shield you from whatever problems he is facing. I do know men cannot follow subtle hints – a sledgehammer is of more use when getting through to men. Hope you can sort things through very soon for the sake of your relationship. Good luck.


  • Perhaps you could write him a letter outlining how you feel. Maybe he will take note and try to engage more with you.


  • Be honest with him and tell him how your feeling, have a conversation with him when you are home on the weekend (or haven’t been at work all day) so there is no excuse for being tired And you can be open and honest about how your feeling as that you would like him to ask you about your day ect


  • I think you should confront him with this before it becomes worse. It obviously is hurting the relationship. My husband talks ALOT. About work, cars, jet skis, you name it. If I try to speak he usually interrupts before I finish answering. It is frustrating and makes me not want to speak, but I have made him aware of it and he does try to make an effort when he realises he has done it to make up for it.


  • Relationships go in ebbs and flows, and change over time, so understand it’s not always going to be the sparkle and butterflies you may have had at the beginning. What you’re doing, keeping lines of communication going is good, even if he isn’t reciprocating the same way. Maybe try and find a quiet, relaxed time on a weekend or when he’s had some tire to recharge a little, and ask him if everything is okay. I know from my own experiences if my husband had worries he tends to shutdown and keep them to himself. He does this usually to protect me. Another option is to read a book on love languages and identify what yours and your husbands love languages are, and work together on showing each out how you care. If it’s possible, maybe take some time away together, away from work and away from kids, even if it’s just a date night for a couple of hours, so you can reconnect. If you can’t go out to do it, try and arrange a date night at home once the kids are in bed. Sometimes life just gets on top of things and we lose focus on our priorities. This year hasn’t been the easiest one on relationships either.


  • I can understand this is hard for you and it makes you sad
    First of all keep doing what you do; show interest and men also like to feel appreciation for who they are. Understanding for his tiredness is important to and show little acts of kindness.
    Go back in your memory to think of things you were both interested in doing together at the beginning of your relationship and see if you can plan to go out and do something together
    But it may be good to express your feelings to him; that it makes you feel sad that he shows little interest


  • Have you articulated it to him the way you just have to us? Men are often not good at subtleties, so you might have to explicitly tell him there’s a problem.


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