You can reach out to your midwife for a debrief or post natal counseling, sonder is a great one

I would suggest talking with a psychologist. It’s good to care for yourself and take your feelings serious. So when you feel you should work through it somehow, then do it.

I’m sorry you are going through this. Have you tried counselling? It can be a great way to talk through your issues.

I’m so sorry you feel this way, it is tough to deal with trauma the way you did. I had an emergency csection and have sufferered with anxiety and trauma myself. It didn’t help at all when I found out I was pregnant again, but I managed to get preoared. I hired a doula, am talking to a counselor and I have a student midwife. It really does help to be prepared and have everything planned the way you want it to be. Even if there is an emergency back up plan.

I bet you are an amazing Mum. I bet you carry all of this with you because it was so scary and you were wanting the best for your babies – all at a time when things got out of your control. That’s not your fault. You love them and they will grow up feeling that love. The guilt is something that you are carrying needlessly and isn’t good for you. I’m guessing that you may also be experiencing grief over not having the births that you had planned. That’s hard.
It sounds like you need to talk with a counsellor and have your anxiety. concerns, pain and grief heard and acknowledged. Please seek out some support. If you don’t know where to start – see your GP – they should be able to point you in the direction of a counsellor or psychologist.
You could always get in touch with PANDA too https://www.panda.org.au/info-support/after-birth/child-birth-trauma

I think talking to a counsellor or pyschologist is your best bet. Although I have similar issues, and for me at least, it got better over time.

Talk to some one you trust is the first step. Don’t be afraid to seek support and help as needed!