I have a 7 year old boy and 4 year old girl and I really get along with another mom that has 3 boys, ages 6, 4, & 2. We like to get the kids together for play dates but I have noticed that her oldest son is really rough when playing with my 7 year old son. This boy is constantly trying to wrestle my son, pull his arms behind his back, yank him down to the ground, it’s endless. When the kids are nearby I tell the other boy to lighten up a bit because I can totally tell that my son is not loving it. The boy smiles and then carries on like I said nothing. The mom says her son is a “mauler” with the little brothers and she likes that now he has a friend to play with. I like getting together with the mom and the having the younger kids get together but I can tell my son gets stressed about being pushed around by a younger kid that is just so relentless and physical. My son is just not like that even at home with his sister. I don’t want to be mean but I want him to lig hten up when I ask him to! Is there any good way to deal with this without sounding like a total jerk or loose the friendship with the mom and other kids?


Posted anonymously, 10th October 2019


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  • You might just have to be honest with her and say that you and your son don’t like when he plays rough. If she gets offended or angry with you over this then thats her loss. You have to look out for your kids



  • I agree with the other mums comments here, be open Mum and tell her it concerns you. I have been in the same situation and when I brought it up with mum it was taken really well.



  • Yes, as the other Mum’s have said – be open with her and explain that your son is uncomfortable and her son needs to be more respectful.



  • I agree, talk and be open with the mom about your and your son’s feelings in regards to this behaviour. Besides that I would teach your son to say STOP. And then explain to the boy we respect each others boundaries and signs to stop. I also wouldn’t hesitate when the mum is around to say something to the son about his behaviour.



  • You need to teach your son some assertiveness skills so that the other child hears it direct from him as well as you. If he and the other parents don’t stop his behaviour then no more play dates.



  • Just be honest with the mum and let her know your son isn’t so comfortable with all the full on rough housing and ask that she encourages her son to try something else next time they come over for a playdate. I would also encourage your son to speak up now and build up the courage to do so – doing this in the comfort of his own home is a great way to practice dealing with bullies and teach him how to effectively talk to other kids that might be pestering him etc – a great learning experience here for your son I think – I wish you all the best



  • I agree with the previous poster, you need to talk to the Mum.
    Just explain that your not saying he’s a bad kid but just that his actions make your kid uncomfortable.
    I’d also speak to your son and get him to tell the other kid to stop when he’s had enough, he needs to learn to vocalise what he’s feeling as the other boy probably thinks he is having fun.



  • I would have a chat with the other mother. Let her know how you feel and how it makes your son feel. Explain that it’s just not on. And you could try putting on organised activities for tgem so there’s no time for mauling.


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