22 Answers

I’ve been having relationships issues for a while now. I haven’t been sure whether it’s fixable or if I should move on. Just when I think its decided I’m going, I start to feel guilty about going. I’ll only be taking a suitcase so I fret about all the personal family items I leave behind. I stress about my 2 dogs and worry that they’ll be looked after. I worry about my partner, yes it’s true, and if he’ll look after himself. He tends to turn to alcohol when struggling. Another time, I’ll decide to stay and make things work. Then my partner says or does something, and I think why should I try when he isn’t???
I’m so confused, I dont know what to do, I dont want to make the wrong decision. Help!!!!

Posted anonymously, 19th October 2021

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  • It sounds like you still care for him. I hope things are better now? Or you’ve been able to make a decision.

  • I know it’s been a while since you asked… have things changed? Have you considered couples therapy?

  • have you guys tried going to therapy together? I know people who got the best out if it, though I know it is not something that suits everybody.
    Have you tried having some quality time together? kind of going out on a trip or something? Just asking as I know people struggles a lot due to being locked down or not going much out the last two years. Going out sometimes helps to talk about issues more openly

  • It’s hard. I’m in a similar situation, I want to leave but I also don’t want to. I want things to work so badly but I definetly put in alot more effort, and it’s tricky when you have a child with this person because they will always be in your life . Good luck with everything. I really hope things works out for you. Lots of love x

  • Such a difficult place to be and I would say my situation is similar. I believe that open communication is best. Does he know how you feel? Is there things you could both put in place to support each other? I found that marriage counselling was really beneficial.

  • Sorry hun but I think you should go……life is to short to waste on a relationship that is going to hold you back for being happy.

  • I would suggest marriage counselling for both of you. Sometimes an objective third party can see patterns/behaviours that need to be addressed and can give you advice as to how you move forward. From your post you still care for your partner and his well being and I think it’s worthwhile doing everything you can to see if you can both be happy within the relationship. All the best.

  • I got together with my husband when we were 17, married at 21, three children by 26 & now 22 years later we are still married but I certainly wouldn’t say our relationship has been easy. In fact it has been heartbreaking at times & we’ve had to work together to make it. There have been times when I thought we were going to break, but we always seem to get through the difficult times by communicating & compromising. I think our saving grace was our friendship because I believe it’s what got us through the worst times. Talk to your partner about your wants & needs, listen to his & see if you can make things better together. If you feel you need help, then seek it. If after all that, you can’t get on the same page then maybe it would be better for both of you to walk away. Don’t wait until you have children before taking these steps because that just makes everything that more complicated.

  • I would suggest talking to a counsellor or psychologist about it all. It’s a really tricky situation to be in.

  • We did some couples counselling which really helped us understand where we were both coming from. If he isn’t open to counselling, you can always start to go by yourself. Best wishes with whatever happens.

  • Would some counselling or talking to someone help maybe

  • It really depends on your own circumstances. I had a really nasty breakup at a young age – I was married at 19. I literally packed up and moved from Newcastle to Brisbane when he said that he wasn’t sure if he loved me anymore and maybe we should separate. If you’re unhappy and things are getting really bad I think you should just go before you have more commitments to tie you down – I’m assuming there’s no kids yet? I filled up my Mitsubishi Mirage with everything that I could fit in it, all my clothes and a few personal things and a pet bird in a cage and my dog. If you can’t take your pets I’m sure he can manage to feed them for a short time until you have somewhere to live. There are ways if that’s what is needed. Maybe try counselling if you think the relationship is at a point where it is worth saving.

  • If you love him seek counseling and try everything before breaking up. If you know you don’t really love him, get out now and let him and yourself get on with life and find someone you are both happy with.

  • I would be speaking to a counselor before making any rash decisions, if it is too far broken they will tell you. Sounds like you still have feelings, so get the help to sort through your problems.

  • I think its important to reflect on if you still feel In love with him, or if you just love him. Perhaps relationship counselling might be the next step?

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