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“I was wondering you could help me get some advice (anonyomously) My sister and I have a terrible relationship. She is 10yrs younger than I and we have very little in common, I moved out of our family home at 18 and had my first son about 3months afterwards. Now I am 31 and have 5kids of my own and she is 21 and still childless. I dont be-grudge her doing any “young and single” things, but my hubby and I decided after a long running string of oh sorry I forgot” that we would include her less as she clearly wasnt intrested, then finally decided not to bother at all after she abused me for calling for her partners birthday – although she never remeber any of ours!!Suddenly after a few changes in her life (moved back in with parents and is suddenly single) she is making a huge effort…buying birthday presents for the kids,sending emails and offering to catch up for lunch. My problem is – do I try again to start a relationship with her despite how hurt i was previously when she wasnt intrested? Do I stay wary believeing this changes are prompted by living with our parents and willl/may fall by the wayside when her life changes again? OR do I go with the “that ship has sailed – you cant abuse me for making an effort, then expect it all to be rosy when you want/need it to be” Should I mend my relationship with my sister?

Posted by anon, 30/04/13

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  • One word stood out a bit there. Childless. I’d say maybe she didn’t make the effort because she felt a bit like she’d failed by not having kids young. Maybe this is her attempt at rising above the things you have said and done that have hurt her? You may be deciding if she is going to get another chance but this might be your LAST chance before she writes you off?


  • My sister and were as close as close could be for many years. Her hubby and mine were best mates. Then her hubby died. We got even closer, helping her get over the death. Fine for a couple of years…….til she got a new boyfriend! She wasn’t interested in me anymore, didn’t want to know us. They moved away and I hear nothing from her or her kids now. No interest in fixing things, not after what she did


  • Family is Family – If a tragedy happened and she was gone how would you feel. It really looks like she is trying to right her wrongs. Give her that chance. As ppl grow and things happen they grow and change! Good Luck


  • How did you go? What did you choose to do?


  • I hope all goes well with whatever you choose to do


  • Give it one last try and if things are likely to be repeated forget about trying again


  • I agree with Gigi ppl do get older and wiser!


  • If it was me I’d definitely give it another try, maybe shes grown up and has realised shes made mistakes with you. It sounds like shes trying pretty hard to patch things up. What have you got to lose, really? If you don’t give her another chance you may regret it one day. If you do give her another chance and it doesn’t work, well so be it, at least you tried. I hope all is going well :)


  • I say give it another try, its not everyday that you have a sister and if she’s trying to make it work maybe its an idea to do the same, for your kids sake, it’ll be nice to have an aunt to do stuff with and hopefully keep doing stuff with.


  • I think give her another chance. People do get older and wiser and people change -sometimes for the better – through gaining life experience. Having said that, if she lets you down again, I would give up…I have no contact with one of my sisters at all, because she has just hurt me too many times.


  • Just remember if you try and it doesn’t work that is ok – just because someone is blood doesn’t mean we have to be a doormat


  • I think you should at least try. It sounds like she is making a effort to repair the relationship.


  • Yes its inportant to have a good family relationship.
    In the end they are usally the ones who care about you the most.


  • I would try one last time and if it doesn’t work walk away knowing you did all you could


  • I would at least give it a go. If it doesnt work then at least you could say you tried and move on


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