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I’ve wanted a 3rd child for awhile now and finally brought it up to my partner but he is fully against it saying I should be happy with what I’ve got and it’s too expensive. basically I have to forget about it for things to move forward. but I’m heart broken and don’t know how to move forward.


Posted anonymously, 31st May 2020


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  • your partner is probably feeling the same if you have the child, parenting is a 2 team work partnership so discuss it openly but listen to him if you want to be listened to


  • First of all you & your partner should agree about whether you have children and how many. Personally I wouldn’t push it when your partner strongly disagrees, as it can cause a break and bitterness in your relationship. This doesn’t mean you can’t talk about it with each other as sharing your feelings is most important in a relationship.
    Maybe look at your own motives too when you desire a 3rd child. Personally I don’t think the financial difference between 2 and 3 children is so large.


  • Sorry for your pain and how it is affecting you.
    I think it is between the two of you, but if it is still upsetting you then I think you both need to talk to a councillor as they are trained in helping couples with problems. Also with you thinking of leaving your marriage would be hard on you and the children you have so really think long and hard before you pack your bags.
    All the best in what you decide.


  • If you and your husband cannot discuss this together, perhaps having a third party might help. It sounds like your husband was just a bit blunt and has disregarded your feelings without discussion. But if you do not discuss this and come to an understanding I don’t know how you can move on. But you do need to workout within your self, that if your husband doesn’t change his mind, is the potential for another baby, reason enough to end a relationship over? All the best to you


  • Come and see me.


  • I feel you and your husband need to discuss this in much more depth. Children do pose a huge financial commitment, so you really need to understand the levels of your current finances and also finances moving forward. You should also explain to him why you want another child, the reasons behind that want, so he understands your point of view. Hopefully, it will work out for you both.


  • If you really struggling financially maybe you need to sort out the reason why.
    It may be genuine that you simply cannot support another child and provide what is needed to give your family their basic needs without stress and heartbreak of not being able to cope mentally as a result. I have seen the severe financial hardship tear couples apart. There can tend to arguments about how to pay the bills, the mortgage or rent to keep a roof over your heads, nourishing food on the table. You cannot cause any of your family to get sick because of lack of nourishment. In some circumstances you can be investigated for child neglect. Unfortunately I know of a couple of cases.


  • This is family matter. Both of you need to understand and discuss the situation.Fighting for what you need may lead you to a big problem.May be think of the ways you can earn more money after child born.You and your partener may have less time to do extra work.If it’s getting harder i think you should happy what you have.


  • If his main issue is money perhaps thats what you could look at. Are you sure you have enough money? Are their any ways you could make more?


  • This is a really hard question to put out to the universe via an online chat. I really feel for the poster here. I think talking about it with a couples counsellor will help the couple come to a mutually agreeable decision. As this has the potential to harbour regrets from either side of the fence. Good luck.


  • So hard, you need to decide what’s most important to you and follow your heart. A happy life is the most important thing


  • This is a huge family decision and something that you and your husband need to discuss fully and agree upon.


  • Why do you want a third child? Why is your current family situation not enough? I think it’s important to ask yourself these questions.


  • It is a joint decision. Sometimes you can get blinded by the real answers because it is something you want. There are so many questions that need to be answered. Sounds like you may have to consider only having 2 children.


  • I suppose it would depend on whether what your partner is saying is true? Do you have the finances to manage? If not then you do need to move on but if you do then it becomes more of a personal choice.


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