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My son is 5, and is friends with the neighbours girls who are 7 and 10. I’ve been unhappy with their friendship for a while (when they come to play they frequently push him to make bad decisions, our toys are often broken, and they treat the house like a cafe), but yesterday was a real concern. We caught him climbing over the railing of our second storey deck, allegedly to stop his friend from jumping down to the trampoline. My question is what do I do? Do I stop the friendship, should I talk to their parents, lecture them myself??

Posted by anon 19/06/2013

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  • The responsible thing to do is talk to the parents. The children probably don’t know any different. Set guidelines and boundaries when they visit and be consistent. Explain to them that you have rules that need to be respected otherwise there are consequences- lik not being allowed over to play.


  • Visitors kids have to obey house rules like your kids have to . If they don’t bad luck they cant come over again. You have to watch this especially if you have a swimming pool. you can have childproof gates etc do all the supervision in the world but neighbourhood older kids can and do open the gate and get in when you are out or in your house. I heard squeals of delight one day and went out to the pool yard only to find the kids next door doing back flips into the pool [ at the deep end] .I told them firmly but nicely they could use the pool anytime as long as they ask me or my husband BUT YOU HAVE TO HAVE MUM OR DAD WITH YOU . They were usually pretty good kids so they went home with their tails between their legs and did not do that again. I did stress to them that what would have happened if they hit their head on the bottom of the pool or worse drowned , how devastated everyone would be.. They were good swimmers but …….


  • Your allowed to set boundaries in your own home, even with other people’s kids. If they don’t like it they don’t need to come over. ‘Boys in this family we don’t have afternoon tea until this time… If you would like food from me you just say please… We look after toys in this house… We don’t climb over our balcony, if you do this again I will send you straight home’. If they do things you don’t like, give them a warning them send them home. Tell them they’ve had enough of a visit and need to go home because they disrespected your property and rights hey can come back another day when they are willing to be more respectful. It’s ok to kick them out and say no. If the parents don’t like it, explain what they did and say you don’t do that in your family. Chances are their parents have trouble controlling them too.


  • Yes, go and talk to them!


  • I wouldn’t talk to parents. Sounds like they don’t have rules. When they come over jus say it’s not a good time . I think end it. It’s very unsafe for ur child by the sounds of it


  • Yes, I would tell the parents. They need to teach their children to be respectful when visiting others. It’s not your job but it is your house so I’d be getting them to play only in communally supervised areas and not have them over to yours.


  • You probably need to talk to their parents to stop this from happening so it doesn’t happen again otherwise they might not be about to have play dates again.


  • I would be laying down the law and if they flaunt it in your face stop the friendship


  • Sounds like a discussion is in order with the parents. It is hard though because neighbours are a permanent thing so it will have to be a very diplomatic conversation. It sounds a little like those parents are allowing free baby sitting time at your expense. I would set rules when they are in your house as it is your home and your sons environment.


  • That’s awful, those children are a very bad influence on your kids. I hope it doesn’t cause problems between you and your neighbours, but your kids are your priority here and unfortunately the other childrens safety becomes your concern also when they are at your home, so it’s best to do what is best for the children as quickly as possible.


  • That’s scarey. Because you will be the one in big trouble if he fell.
    I always worry about our kids when they play upstairs.
    and have a door put on now I can lock to avoid accidents.
    I would talk to the parents


  • I would raise your concerns with the parents. Maybe organize things like if they wanna hang you all go to a park with their parents too or suggest their parents pop over for a cuppa when the girls come over.


  • I would speak to the other parents and let them in on the behaviour of the children as it is a concern for you, let the kids know as they are older they are role models and if certain things continue to happen you will consider ending there visits to your house and your son will no longer be aloud to play with them.


  • Simple answer STOP this friendship NOW. The age difference is too big at this age.


  • I wouldn’t stop the friendship as that may do more harm then good and might cause the girls to turn against your son. kids will be kids. however when the girls come over to play i would put some clear rules in place for them that they have to follow whilst at your place. If they don’t like it I’m sure they wont stay long. good luck!


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