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I have had uneventful pregnancies followed by difficult births – one child born disabled, one died at birth, another nearly died during the birth, and I nearly died giving birth to the fourth. Generally, at baby showers and similar occasions, I keep my mouth shut. A first time mother doesn’t need to hear it. But sometimes I get asked really specifically. If that was you, would you really want to know? I’m certainly not going to lie, and my stories are well known among my good friends.


Posted by BellaB, 1st April 2015


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  • Unless you know the Mum-to-be and know she will cope with the details and not be upset I would definitely state the bare mininum. Some disabilities can be genetic but the parents aren’t always told that. Some can be caused because the decision to do a c-section is left too late. I know one Mum who was told after the birth of her 2nd baby that she would never carry to full term and advised against having another baby. In actual fact she should have been told when her 1st baby was born. Although her 1st baby was 5 weeks prem, she suffered horiffic tearing right down onto the top of her leg.


  • If someone asks I wouldn’t hide it. In the end they are still your life experiences and no one should make you feel like you can’t share your stories. I”m sorry you have had to ensure such bad experiences.


  • Childbirth is no picnic, no one has an easy time, but obviously some have a harder time than others. I don’t sugarcoat my experiences, it hurts, no point in lying. You however have had extreme experiences, so if you do go into detail, maybe best to stress that you are out of the ordinary and because this happened to you it does not mean there is the slightest chance of it happening to them. Everyone’s birth experience is different, may be important to stress that


  • Wow you have copped it tough. So sorry for your losses.
    You have experienced what no one should.
    Sending Hugs!


  • It would depend on who is asking and how well you know them. If they are already anxious I would water them down


  • maybe not to first time mums, some smaller details maybe but you poor thing have had such a difficult time by the sounds of it. I guess if they ask specifically then tell them what you are comfortable with


  • It is so sad for you.
    Not to expectant mums. Its not of any benefit.


  • I’m not sure I would discuss it at baby Showers until pushed to give answers. Sometimes it’s not the Mum-to-be that asks and you don’t want to scare her too much. In that case I would try not sound be too dramatic about it. That maybe easier said than done though.
    No doubt in general conversation it helps with your grieving and emotional feelings not just losing your baby but having a disabled baby and your other situations. You need to be able to talk about them as it is part of your healing process. You may have found that your friends feel uncomfortable as they don’t know what to say. Sometimes you just need to be able to be supported by them showing understanding by being there for you.


  • I would ask them did they really want to hear it as it was quite traumatic. If they do then I would go into details if not then don’t tell them.


  • maybe to close friends if appropriate but not to expectant mums particularly first time mum to be. Each and every birth is different and I feel so sad yours was so difficult. I am granny now and know it can frighten them. My friends and I have discussed our birthing experiences but been there done that… so we can share and we are all still here. Stories so wide and varied not all same. But recommend birth classes as I found them very useful


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