18 Answers

My husband thought he was the father of a child when he was only 18. (named on birth certificate) found out afterwards that “girlfriend” was sleeping with other boys but back then DNA testing was expensive and not readily available so he doesn’t know for sure if the child was his or not. child was legally adopted by grandmother and moved overseas. Child is now an adult and has changed his name back to my husbands surname but has had no contact with us for over a decade.
Should we tell our kids about this? would love to hear others experiences as either the child or adult in this scenario as the world is only getting smaller i would hate for them to find out from somewhere else, but also we have no contact and i dont really want contact with them.

Posted anonymously, 13th December 2020

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  • Depends on the age of your children and how you tell them. If it is explained similar to the way you ask the question, then your children will accept the fact that it happened whether or not it turns out to be their half brother or not.

  • How old are your kids? If they’re very young, don’t tell them till you have more certainty. If they’re older, it may be wise to tell them now.

  • It is better to advise the truth and be transparent with your kids. It won’t hurt to tell them but it’s better they know from you.

  • I guess it depends on the age of your kids, and the kind of relationship you have with them. Do what you think is right by your whole family.

  • unless you find out 100% then no. If the child contacts you then tell the kids. its like making a big deal about a child that may or may not be their half silbling.

  • If the kids are old enough I would be mentioning it. Like you say, it might not go well if they find out down the track and feel they’ve been lied to.

  • Why not tell them. It’s not going to change how much you love your children but you should find out first if you are the biological parent. I never knew about my Dad and my half brothers until I was 50. Even then he was found by my half sister who was by a different father. I met him on my 50th birthday and also met one of my half brothers. I missed out on so much and only ended up knowing my biological Dad for 4 years before he passed away. I will always regret not meeting him sooner. I hope our replies can help you in some way to make a decision

  • I would say yes if the kids are over say 16-18. Why not tell them all about your experience as a young man and having made a child, being named as the father and all that is true that you know. There is no harm in the kids knowing.

  • Absolutely you should. Secrets destroy families. I think there is an honest and easy way to do this that means it will just become part of your life rather than a sinister secret you’re always worried will come out.

  • I think a DNA test needs to be done before talking to the kids, if this person is their brother than they have every right to know. And as someone who has no father I bet this kid would love to get to know who his father is

  • I think it’s always best to be upfront about these things. It really won’t hurt them to know and they may wish to get in contact and find out themselves someday. My MIL recently had a half brother track her down and is enjoying getting to know him.

  • Since the child is now a grown man and hasn’t been in contact, it might feel a bit strange to chase him for a DNA test; however he has changed his name back to your husbands surname and so your husband has every right to find out if he does so truthfully

  • I would be getting a DNA test before you say anything at all

  • Maybe there needs to be a DNA test now to prove it really is his child before telling your kids?

  • Yes I would go for a DNA test as well to find out if this potential child is really his or not, before sharing with your kids.

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