22 Answers

My husband thought he was the father of a child when he was only 18. (named on birth certificate) found out afterwards that “girlfriend” was sleeping with other boys but back then DNA testing was expensive and not readily available so he doesn’t know for sure if the child was his or not. child was legally adopted by grandmother and moved overseas. Child is now an adult and has changed his name back to my husbands surname but has had no contact with us for over a decade.
Should we tell our kids about this? would love to hear others experiences as either the child or adult in this scenario as the world is only getting smaller i would hate for them to find out from somewhere else, but also we have no contact and i dont really want contact with them.

Posted anonymously, 13th December 2020

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  • I would leave it and address it if it came up. Unless you intend to make contact j wouldn’t bring it up. Especially given you don’t even know if he is your husbands child

  • Its a tough one but perhaps just let sleeping dogs lie. If questions are asked in the future then tell the whole story then but for now probably best to leave alone rather then open a can of worms.

  • I think it’s a decision you and your husband need to make together on whether or not you tell your children about the long lost half sibling.
    If you do decide on telling them I think it should be worded in a way that your children don’t think that that child was never wanted. Your kids need to make up their own opinions on the situation instead of being force fed one sided information.
    If your husband ever decided to get in contact with this child, whether it is biologically his or not, whether you want him to reach or not, you should be a supportive wife to him, a supportive mother to your children and a supportive mother figure to the other child. I don’t think it would be fair for you to not let this child in when there still is a high chance they came from your husband. It wouldn’t be fair on him to have this child taken away from him their entire life, and it wouldn’t be fair on your children to never have a relationship with their half sibling.
    Life throws curveballs, you and your husband should do what’s right for your family.

  • Depends on the age of your kids, are they old enough to fully comprehend what you’re telling them? But yes, it is something they should hear from you

  • Depends on the age of your children and how you tell them. If it is explained similar to the way you ask the question, then your children will accept the fact that it happened whether or not it turns out to be their half brother or not.

  • How old are your kids? If they’re very young, don’t tell them till you have more certainty. If they’re older, it may be wise to tell them now.

  • It is better to advise the truth and be transparent with your kids. It won’t hurt to tell them but it’s better they know from you.

  • I guess it depends on the age of your kids, and the kind of relationship you have with them. Do what you think is right by your whole family.

  • unless you find out 100% then no. If the child contacts you then tell the kids. its like making a big deal about a child that may or may not be their half silbling.

  • If the kids are old enough I would be mentioning it. Like you say, it might not go well if they find out down the track and feel they’ve been lied to.

  • Why not tell them. It’s not going to change how much you love your children but you should find out first if you are the biological parent. I never knew about my Dad and my half brothers until I was 50. Even then he was found by my half sister who was by a different father. I met him on my 50th birthday and also met one of my half brothers. I missed out on so much and only ended up knowing my biological Dad for 4 years before he passed away. I will always regret not meeting him sooner. I hope our replies can help you in some way to make a decision

  • I would say yes if the kids are over say 16-18. Why not tell them all about your experience as a young man and having made a child, being named as the father and all that is true that you know. There is no harm in the kids knowing.

  • Absolutely you should. Secrets destroy families. I think there is an honest and easy way to do this that means it will just become part of your life rather than a sinister secret you’re always worried will come out.

  • I think a DNA test needs to be done before talking to the kids, if this person is their brother than they have every right to know. And as someone who has no father I bet this kid would love to get to know who his father is

  • I think it’s always best to be upfront about these things. It really won’t hurt them to know and they may wish to get in contact and find out themselves someday. My MIL recently had a half brother track her down and is enjoying getting to know him.

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