83 Answers

My granddaughter throws tantrums when somebody other than her mum does things for her.

Today, for example, I undid her buckle in her car seat & she screamed & cried. I felt so bad. I have witnessed her do this to her poppy, but never to me. I know she does to her dad as well.

What should we do here? I’m at a loss to understand this. Should we just give in to her for the sake of peace? It seems to me we skipped straight over the terrible 2’s into the terrible 3’s. She goes to daycare 4 days a week with her other nanny. I have her one day a week. When she’s with me, she just wants me, not poppy at all. It upsets him, and I know angers her dad.

Please, any helpful advice?

Posted by roycee, 10th December 2013

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  • As much as it annoys you as the parent, any maternal health nurse will tell you there’s cause for concern if they don’t have tantrums. It’s a normal part of their development.

  • To me this all normal but everyone is different, good luck!

  • It’s her age. It is for attention. Tell her that mum isn’t here and gran and pa love her very much so why don’t we stop this fuss and have some fun. Another tack is if you put her in a bedroom or somewhere away from everyone and tell her when she is ready to be sensible she can come and join everyone else. Angry doesn’t work and they know exactly what they are doing!!

  • You have to stay calm to call with a tantrum otherwise it just gets worse! Just tell her that mummy’s not here and she can’t do it herself so you need to help her.

  • there are some good comments here

  • there are some excellent answers given. Try them and see what works best for you and your family. Try to divert her mind with something before she throws a tantrum.

  • Some good advice there below.

  • It’s just the age! Don’t get angry with her, just gently explain to her “I’m here, Mummy’s busy with (blah blah) right now so I’m going to help you. It’s okay,etcetera”

  • You need to give tough love…

  • I think you need to persevere otherwise it will remain a habit for her

  • I hope the advice below is helpful.

  • my daughter has a few tantrums herself… i hope its worked out

  • I have found that a firm and consistent approach is the way to go when dealing with temper tantrums. Master Nearly 3 was a regular foot stamper and screamed and cried if he didn’t get his way – a favourite “game” is telling us he wants something – eg. food, snack, etc – and then change his mind when he gets it. So we take it away or eat it ourselves, and then as soon as the food is irretrievably gone, he changes his mind and wants it back, and screams and cries as if the world has ended. He has the same reaction to a number of other things, like unbuckling him from his car seat, etc. At first, we tried to make amends – getting him another snack, buckling him back up again, etc, but after a while, he started to incorporate the remediation into his “game” as well. My husband use to get so upset with our son for playing this “game” – I have had to tell him to walk away and walk it off a few times.

    These days, we just say “Oh, well, bad luck, it’s gone / done and you’ll just have to wait until next time”, and quickly move on to doing something else. It’s a phase the little one is going through, and the more you give in, the more she’s likely to play up. I’m not saying my little man is perfect now – he still has his moments and tantrums, but he is learning that if he changes his mind after it’s too late, he will have to wait for that opportunity to come around again, if it comes around again.

    I get that it’s upsetting for you and your family, but try and remember that she is 2, and needs a firm hand and guidance and is not the boss of the adults. It is my philosophy that a little bit of screaming and crying never hurt a child, but if you give in to her every time, then she will push the boundaries more and more until there’s no going back. Good luck!

  • Who is the adult? Do not discuss! Just do!

  • From the start don’t let her get away with tantrums. As for poppy he has to lift his game , make the relationship more interesting, play Peek a Boo to her hiding behind his hands, give her a blue icy-pole and say show me your blue tongue , show it to her in the mirror . Make a special game with her. They come around once you get their attention and it does not entail spoiling her. If he has false teeth and makes a funny face , if she laughs good if she screams best try something else!!!!!

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