Hello!

42 Answers

Until recently I was the principle carer of my two children, a boy aged 7 and a girl aged 3. I worked part time, ran my INTIMO business and traded shares to pay for my kids, with some help from Family Assistance, too. I had major emergency brain surgery in May and my ex now has my children. As my financial circumstances have changed so much, I am moving in with my boyfriend of 5 months. The kids both get along well with my partner and his ten year old son, but I now find my son is having regular meltdowns when he comes to stay with us (every other weekend). Does anyone have any strategies for integrating our two families in the healthiest way possible? Any suggestions would be most appreciated

Posted by Caroline, 24/08/13

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  • I can understand your son is having melt downs, such a major change in his life. My mum had an accident when I was a baby and spent half a year in the hospital balancing life and death. My 2 elder sisters were each placed by a different family member and one of my sisters had serious attachment issues after that until in her adulthood. She had felt totally rejected and abandoned. These things are very impacting and at a young age it’s very difficult to understand and to recognize & express your emotions.
    One on one time chats, patience and understanding are very important. Don’t hesitate to get professional help when needed.


  • I am so sorry to hear that. You must be heartbroken. Maybe organise lots of activities where you guys all get together and hang out? at least once a week?


  • I hope that everything is panning out for you


  • I really hope things get easier for you, it sounds like a tricky situation. I’d say try open communication between everyone could be key. Try asking your son about how hes feeling.


  • You dont say why your son is having meltdowns.
    His world was turned upside down I guess when he had to go and live with his father and I gather it wasnt his choice it was just something that had to occur. Its very possible that he feels that you didnt want him. perhaps he feels that you love your partners son more then him.
    You need to have some one on one time alone with your son and take a day to go to the beach together or a park…somewhere where you can talk and ask him how he feels about everything thats gone on.
    He may or may not tell you. Often children to say how they are feeling and they hold it all in so it comes out in thei actions.


  • Does the father recieve the melt downs at all?


  • I wish you all the best and truly hope things get better soon.


  • I hope things get easier for you soon, I dont have any great advice sorry :(


  • I’ve been with my husband for 3 years now, and still trying to work out how to deal with the ex and the children from his previous relationship. It is not easy, but we are slowly trying to make things work. It just takes time and patience. Lots and lots of patience.


  • Wow, you have a lot going on! B kind to yourself and spend some one on one time with your son to work out what he needs to make him feel better about the situation


  • Don’t be hard on yourself you have been through a lot. You will just have to give him time and maybe a little more one on one if possible. I have a 7 year old boy who has meltdowns lately and we don’t have any real reason for him to be over the top. Hopefully just a stage but time should help. Sit down quietly with him alone and just ask him why he goes over the top about things. You may be surprised at his answer and something that can be fixed easily.


  • Hope you are feeling better now. Too many changes for your son so he finds it difficult reassure him you love him and have fun times together Time helps


  • take them out and do something special that they can enjoy and participate in, just take it slow!


  • one on one time with your son, or take everyone out to do something special with both the boys. theme park, beach, swimming pool? things they can both enjoy and join in together


  • An intavention between all partys at a councleing sesion to find the problem would be a start. And a reguler counceling sesion just 4 yr son would give him a out to voice his thoughts with out any influence from those involved. As melt downs only increce


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