14 Answers

Hi mum’s, this might be long so please bear with me!
My daughters father and I are not together and live about 2 hours apart. He sees her every 2-3 weeks depending on how busy he is. Where he is, is in lockdown so I was under the impression he wouldn’t be visiting her for a while. He has told her and I that he is still going to see her, even though it puts people at risk, we live with my parents who are retired and considered “vulnerable”. My sister is also pregnant and due any day now, everyone is excited as it has been a long journey for her. She has said that nobody in our household can visit if he comes, as because it has been such a journey her and her husband don’t want to risk anything happening. I completely understand that! My problem is, I feel horrible that now my parents won’t be able to see their new grandchild and my daughter has been extremely excited and is now sad as well that she won’t be able to. I don’t know if I should insist he doesn’t come and try to explain or do I let him as he is her father and has a right to. We’ve always been on good terms, everything has been fairly easy and we co-parent really well so I worry this will change it. My parents are already feeling differently towards him over this and our daughter is resentful. She tried to tell him on the phone that she wants to see her cousin and he dismissed it and said he wants to see her, not taking into consideration what she wants.
What should I do? Any advice appreciated! Thank you ☺️

Posted anonymously, 14th July 2020

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  • Considering the current lock down situation, any visits will probably be prohibited, so you will have more time to consider your options and work through things …..

  • If he is in lock down then wouldn’t he be breaching the restrictions by visiting? Tell him if he tries to visit you will contact the Police because he is breaching restrictions?

  • Possibly with the tighter restrictions any travel movements would surely be questioned?

  • If he is in a area that is in locked down then he is in the wrong he is putting you all at risk and I would tell him to stop putting you all at risk. He can’t have it all his way and he needs to think what he’s doing to you all.

  • Anyone in lockdown must adhere to the lockdown rules.

  • Someone has posted some stress relief assistance on this site. I just read it. Very happy ideas.

  • When the area he lives in is in lockdown he should abide by the law, he endangers your daughter and others. He could apply for an exemption if he wants to visit.

  • I think you need to tell him to piss off because its idiots like that breaking the rules making him be in lock down in the first place. STAY AT HOME then the lockdowns will end and the virus stops spreading, its as simple as that!

  • Parents still have the right and are allowed to see their children. Just always have to think about it from your perspective if you were told you couldn’t see them. For everyone else, FaceTime is the way to go

  • There is no choice, lock down is final. People in lock down are to reside at their primary residence. I would be seeking legal advice and going from there. He doesn’t have set times he sees the little one so can’t really get upset. They can talk as much as they want through video calls etc but it is not allowed to leave a lock down area

  • If he’s in lockdown, it’s not really his choice. He shouldn’t be coming anywhere near her. Can you find a third party to explain to him that it’s a temporary health issue, and he can’t be visiting if he’s in lockdown?

  • If your sister doesn’t live with your parents and they are in lockdown – then they really shouldn’t be visiting the new baby and your sister -that’s my understanding of the rules. If you are at stage 3 lockdown you can only be with the people that you live with.
    However…..there are provisions within this rules for families that share children children, for these visitations to continue. So legally (from my understanding only)…….your daughter’s father has every right to see his child.
    This won’t be forever and it is about keeping people safe. Personally I haven’t seen my very elderly, frail and cancer suffering mother since March, as I cannot justify exposing her – just in case. We have missed our combined birthdays, Mother’s Day and fortnightly family dinner with her. I miss her hugely.
    Best wishes and health to all of your family :)

  • Personally I would be saying to him that he should be in lock down and he needs to be abiding by the laws to keep everyone safe. He can video chat her every day if he wants to, but until the lock down is lifted he needs to stay away unfortunately

  • I don’t see your request as an unreasonable one. I would document it that you won’t be changing care percentages based on his inability to visit due to covid restrictions. I would also suggest maybe some extra video calls, depending on your child they could write letters/send photos/pictures to dad. Covid is such a scary thing for everyone he could be reaching out as his own mental health etc is at risk and he wants one of the things that makes him happy.

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