18 Answers

Hi mum’s, this might be long so please bear with me!
My daughters father and I are not together and live about 2 hours apart. He sees her every 2-3 weeks depending on how busy he is. Where he is, is in lockdown so I was under the impression he wouldn’t be visiting her for a while. He has told her and I that he is still going to see her, even though it puts people at risk, we live with my parents who are retired and considered “vulnerable”. My sister is also pregnant and due any day now, everyone is excited as it has been a long journey for her. She has said that nobody in our household can visit if he comes, as because it has been such a journey her and her husband don’t want to risk anything happening. I completely understand that! My problem is, I feel horrible that now my parents won’t be able to see their new grandchild and my daughter has been extremely excited and is now sad as well that she won’t be able to. I don’t know if I should insist he doesn’t come and try to explain or do I let him as he is her father and has a right to. We’ve always been on good terms, everything has been fairly easy and we co-parent really well so I worry this will change it. My parents are already feeling differently towards him over this and our daughter is resentful. She tried to tell him on the phone that she wants to see her cousin and he dismissed it and said he wants to see her, not taking into consideration what she wants.
What should I do? Any advice appreciated! Thank you ☺️

Posted anonymously, 14th July 2020

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  • If you are in Victoria I would have thought this is against the Lockdown laws. Perhaps you could say you would hate him to get a fine if someone finds out and ask him to wait till after the baby is born.

  • Every parent has a right to see their child and I think it’s fantastic your ex wants to see his daughter but if he is situated in lock down then he needs to stay where he is regardless. He needs to understand that even though he might be well and not sick these restrictions are in place to keep the vunerable safe which includes your parents, daughter, yourself and your sisters family. He could put you all at risk without intending to off course but still the risk is there. I would phone him and explain the situation again if you haven’t already and express your concerns but also try to come to some sort of compromise with him. He can still see his daughter just not physically right now. There are other ways he can see her and talk to her. If you have Skype, Messenger or some sort of video calling app they can see each other that way and even arrange a daddy daughter video call day where they can spend a few hours video calling together and talk, play games or maybe watch a movie. The only difference is that he won’t be physically there but still gets to spend time with her. I wish you luck and congratulate your family on the new little miracle. I hope I’ve been a little helpful.

  • I think COVID restrictions MUST have the final say. I’m fairly sure that lockdown does not mean visiting family or friends. Double check with police / local authorities if you need. If it’s not allowed the police need to be informed, you need to get help if he is pushy and still tries to come. Please make sure that the rest of the community (as well as your own) are not put at risk.

  • I would tell him that under the circumstances he should understand that your parents are “vulnerable”.and it is not a good idea to travel that far with the restrictions. You get that he wants to see his daughter but he is not the only one in this situation and we should be respecting everyone’s wishes in this difficult time. We cannot afford to be selfish, we need to think about everyone.

  • Considering the current lock down situation, any visits will probably be prohibited, so you will have more time to consider your options and work through things …..

  • If he is in lock down then wouldn’t he be breaching the restrictions by visiting? Tell him if he tries to visit you will contact the Police because he is breaching restrictions?

  • Possibly with the tighter restrictions any travel movements would surely be questioned?

  • If he is in a area that is in locked down then he is in the wrong he is putting you all at risk and I would tell him to stop putting you all at risk. He can’t have it all his way and he needs to think what he’s doing to you all.

  • Anyone in lockdown must adhere to the lockdown rules.

  • Someone has posted some stress relief assistance on this site. I just read it. Very happy ideas.

  • When the area he lives in is in lockdown he should abide by the law, he endangers your daughter and others. He could apply for an exemption if he wants to visit.

  • I think you need to tell him to piss off because its idiots like that breaking the rules making him be in lock down in the first place. STAY AT HOME then the lockdowns will end and the virus stops spreading, its as simple as that!

  • Parents still have the right and are allowed to see their children. Just always have to think about it from your perspective if you were told you couldn’t see them. For everyone else, FaceTime is the way to go

  • There is no choice, lock down is final. People in lock down are to reside at their primary residence. I would be seeking legal advice and going from there. He doesn’t have set times he sees the little one so can’t really get upset. They can talk as much as they want through video calls etc but it is not allowed to leave a lock down area

  • If he’s in lockdown, it’s not really his choice. He shouldn’t be coming anywhere near her. Can you find a third party to explain to him that it’s a temporary health issue, and he can’t be visiting if he’s in lockdown?

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