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My husband works about 60 hours a week and lately has come home very cranky and will snap if dinner isn’t on the table. Normally has arrives at a certain time, but lately has been all over place which makes it hard for me to do and he gets really angry about it. There is normally a snap and some name calling and I am left in tears. After the fact we sit to talk about it and he doesn’t know what the problem is and I can’t explain it to him without him getting angry or me crying again. I really don’t know what to do. My daughter and I wait all day to see him and it’s been awful lately. Any advice please?


Posted anonymously, 13th March 2014


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  • Being tired and cranky is one thing, but being hostile/name calling and not acknowledging his behaviour is worrisome. You both need to let the other know what is acceptable behaviour and what isn’t. I hope everything improved for both of you and your family.


  • Maybe don’t put do much effort into waiting for him. Get out and do your own thing. Text him to grab takeaways on the way home. Maybe suggest a visit to the GP. It could be a whole multitude of possibilities causing his anger. From an incorrect diet, to lacking vitamins, to just being tired, to mental health issues that need recognising. Your GP is a good place to start


  • I hope you’ve found a resolution. It’s hard when one is tired and cranky all the time.


  • I hope you and your husband were able to work things out.


  • I can understand it as mine works long hours but he can cook for himself as he is one so guess that is lucky . Mine can be horrible too when cranky and so many times I think will it change or call it quits . What I did was I changed my routine and my attitude to take a bit of my own responsibilty . Can you cook extras so that you and kids eat first ( early if possible ) then enough for today and tomorrow . Do the essentials only so that you are not left totally drained to cook . I developed a daily routine and just stuck to it . I think name calling is not acceptable so talk to someone professional on how to handle it if it continues. Hope it works out soon .


  • It’s hard isn’t it. He sounds stressed, overworked but taking it out on you isn’t right.
    A dinner out, weekend away, are all bandaide solutions. Not longterm.
    Are you happy, content, ok?
    If none of these have you thought of counseling for yourself, marriage.
    Is there ever going to be a change to this behavior?
    Separation can be solution for some.
    Was for me.


  • You just need to sit with him and tell it like it is. If you can’t start making slow cooker meals that way it’s ready by 4pm and you can just have it on low till he gets home. When you hear him pull in the drive rip out a bowl/plate and bam… Honestly I’m joking. Stuff him! You are not his maid and making you have dinner ready when he gets home… Blah. Maybe ask him in the morning what time he will get home? If he doesn’t answer tell him what time you will have dinner ready so that way if it’s cold or not cooked yet it’s his fault. You told him. Try get angry at him instead.


  • Oh I know what you mean, I cop the same some days.


  • i hope it has gotten better now?


  • your not a slave, tell him to call when he is leaving work and then his dinner can be ready when he gets home


  • maybe he needs to work less hours if possible


  • Sounds like he is having some troubles with coping with certain issues and is taking his anger out at home. If it’s just the dinner he is getting upset about, tell him to call as he leaves work so you can judge the time to have dinner ready for him. Although I think it would be more helpful in the long run to have his issues sorted.


  • I would follow him home from work just to make sure what he is getting up too, or even drop down to his work at the time he used to get home, if everything is is good then I would maybe sugest getting a mate to have a talk to him, they may get more answers than you.


  • if you have a good doctor talk to them as they or I now ours does if we say something about Hubby will casually bring it up with him and than see what stresses he is under and if he is copping. You could try marriage counselling but Hubby would have to agree. I first would rule out medical as he may need some anti dress and you might as well or you may benifit from just a good chat with your GP


  • I would be looking into some counselling or something for him. It sounds as if he isn’t coping very well and you need someone to mediate the conversations you have


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