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I would not wish teenage twin girls on anyone. (1) Mine are both very abusive to me, nasty, cruel, mean in every way that they can find, individually but especially together. (2) They gang up on me, ‘back each other up’ in ‘discussion’, frustrate communication by butting in, one over the top; not letting me finish… it’s like two brains against one.. in difficult heated moments the other brings up something else, distracts and complicates the matter, refuses to go away while I talk with their sibling. (3) They work together with twisting the truth until you are not sure what is what (is that gaslighting?) and both join forces to push for something they want based on the twisted truth. It is only my husband who can stop non-sense in its tracks… and thinks quickly enough to see the contradictions and absolute rubbish they have said catching them out on almost every occasion that my gut has told me is wrong (4) They walk all over me. In particular they will not respect boundaries when I say I need to get away. They will push, break through locked bedroom doors, force their way in and continue their complaining, insulting, bullying,etc. (5) They often tell-me off for being a bad mother or whatever it is they think will bring maximum pain in that moment…. (6) they take my stuff, don’t put it back, lie about it. (7) I try not to take it personally but it is mentally and physically wearing me down. Everything I try to do to help myself ‘cope’ they frustrate and wont allow. It’s like they want to push me and break me.. they wont even allow me space to sleep, but will be as noisy as possible. Some days I think they are absolutely toxic people who I want out of my life…. HELP!


Posted anonymously, 7th November 2020


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  • I think maybe some family counseling is in order, ensure your husband is there with you to back you up


  • You and your husband have to be united in a no-tolerance. This is ridiculous and so disrespectful. They need to be reminded how lucky they are to have a home, family, place to feel safe, etc.


  • Your twin girls seem really awful in the way they treat you. If your husband or you can’t handle this situation, you need professional help. Perhaps a doctor, trusted family member who they like and look up to, a counsellor, teacher or experienced family friend could talk to them and make them see that what they are doing is affecting you terribly and it not right. Sometimes an emergency event may shake them up and make them see sense.


  • What a terrible thing for you to have to go through. Talk to your husband and between you set up a plan to nip this in the bud before it gets any worse. You need to get away for a few days or go on holiday somewhere without the girls and let Dad look after them. If he is a good disciplinarian they might realise how much they need you. Otherwise find out about getting counselling for the whole family to deal with the situation. I wish you all the luck and strength in the world.


  • Just wondering how old exactly your twin girls are ?


  • Think maybe you have been too soft on them earlier on in their lives, maybe treating them as equals or friends rather than your children. They have to learn respect and some of the answers here have been great – definitely it’s time to take back responsibility as a parent and set new rules, and stick by them. It will be hard at first but don’t give in this time to them and make sure your husband is on your side. Having a weekend away with another member of your extended family and leaving them with dad to do what you would normally do just might make them start to respect you more and then keep at it. You will win, because you are the mother – the nurturer, the person who feeds them, washes their clothes for them, etc. Don’t threaten to remove the things you do for them unless you mean it and refuse to do it no matter what they say. Good luck – you will win.


  • A really tough one that probably will take time, I don’t have teenagers yet, but I was one of these little you-know-whats when I was a teenager. I definitely think you should do some research, raisingchildren.net.au has some great advice. I’d also talk to your husband and make a plan of rules and consequences, even if they’re basic, like no swearing, no lying, do as mum and dad say. and then have a meeting with the kids and explain the new house rules and consequences for breaking them, and most importantly, follow up on your discipline, if that is no phones, no pillow, no bedroom door, no hanging with friends etc. They will put up a fight, why wouldn’t they? but if you’re consistent and predictable, things will change for the better. You have the power Mumma, be strong for all of us!!


  • Aw bless you, sorry to hear about the struggles you have with your teenage twin daughters, it sounds really tough ! First of all I would have a chat together with your husband with the girls. You and your husband should be side to side on one line and supporting each other and make the rules and expectations clear and set boundaries. I think it would be good too to get professional help for and with your girls whereby also you as parents get supported, which may mean family/system therapy


  • I’d pack my bags and tell them, adios, I’m not standing for their crap and disrespect any longer. Go and stay with a family member or a friend and see if your absence changes their appalling attitudes. You either need to stand up to your teenage bullies or show them you’ve had it by removing yourself from their presence. My guess is, they’ve got away with their disrepect and attitudes towards you once too often and they now know how to push your buttons.


  • Oh lord help you. I found 1 teenage daughter hard enough. I too was an impossible teen. It does get better tho, so hang in there


  • Dad needs to put his foot down and tell these girls some home truths. He needs to have your back! You need a well earned break go away for the weekend and leave them in Dad’s care. He can have them do some basic housekeeping and cook meals and talk to the girls, see how that goes. Both parties need a break from one and other. You are not at your best because you are drowning in their mean, nasty, senseless behaviour towards you. I have a friend who has twins they tried this and Mum and Dad stuck together and they had made some rules that the kids didn’t like and they didn’t pay the kids phone bill.. Just the once and they towed the line after that! Verbal abuse should not be tolerated and any cost. There are HELP LINES try 1800RESPECT or 1800 737 732. Police do not tolerate , Domestic Or Family violence this means Teenagers too! If the verbal abuse escalates to physical abuse, leave! Take a walk, take your phone and leave the house. I do wonder if you should ask the school what the girls are like there. Are they abusive at school towards anyone?


  • What horrible young girls! Put your foot down and say you will no longer tolerate it! That it is unacceptable. Threaten to take them to counselling if they can’t be polite and courteous! You deserve better!


  • Oh my goodness what a horrible time for you. I would definitely suggest some professional help for this situation. First contact would be the GP for some recommendations and referral on a mental health plan that won’t cost as much for professional assistance. But in the meantime you can try setting some boundaries with consequences. What do they love that you could take away for bad behaviour. Start small ie expect one thing to change like giving you some rest time! I wish you all the best and hope that your family can be happier together.


  • Sorry to hear you are in such a stressful situation. I do think that your best option at this stage is to seek professional help. Start by speaking with your GP. They can point you in the right direction and put you and possibly your daughters on a health care plan where you can access some free sessions with a psychologist.


  • It sounds like you might need to see a professional for some help on how to parent your girls. This behaviour doesn’t just happen overnight, it builds up over time and may take a while and some professional help to get back on track?


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