54 Answers

My 5 year didn’t meet her father until she was one, he had her every second weekend until she was 2 1/2 years old. He them broke up with his partner and didn’t feel up to looking after her on his own, then 6 moths with no contact wanted to see her again, which again only lasted a few months. Now it’s been nearly 2 years with no contact and he wants to see her. His last message to me was he didn’t want anything to do with her as he felt a a baby sitter for me and nothing else. It’s been proven by DNA he is her father. In the 2 years I have gotten engaged, and had another baby. My daughter also calls my partner daddy. Her father has also gotten married and expecting a baby. I am stuck as to wat to do, he has had plenty of chances before. My daughter is settled and I think this will upset her. Please help.

Posted by sammie2, 17th April 2014

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  • Before you agree, can you try to feel him out about his future intentions?

  • Such a difficult position to be in. A few options to choose from, but none are ideal. I think if you refuse contact, it will come back to bite you when she’s older and realises you are the reason she had no contact with her dad. At least if let him in and he fails, the blame falls on him and only him

  • Was there a resolution to this? I hope it all ended up well

  • I notice this question was posted a few years back and I’m wondering how things are with your family. Hope all is well.

  • I undestand your dilemma as a visit to dad can upset her. The fact that she calls your new partner daddy doesn’t mean that she knows she has “another” father. My 6 year old foster daughter calls me and my husband daddy and mummy while she calls her real parents also daddy & mummy.
    Does your daughter remember her father ? Does she feel for seeing him ?

  • it’s a really hard situation love. my son’s dad never wanted to see him, still doesn’t actually and Nick is 24yo now. I wish you well with your decision. I know families that have two dads and they just have different names for them, and they are both dads… good luck

  • Wait till she is a bit older and maybe she can decide whether to see him . He already decided it is a too hard basket to handle so it is a bit pointless for now .

  • I would be reluctant to let him back into her life for the simple reason of the disturbance this would cause her. Everyone seems settled in their lives. However, if you do stop visits, it could come back to bite you when she’s older and finds out you stopped her from seeing her dad

  • I’d recommend going through mediation.

  • This is a difficult one, he is her father and I understand your point of view of not wanting to see your daughter let down if he does the same thing again, all the best.

  • it might be best to talk this through with a counsellor who will have your daughters best interest in mind and also may have dealt with these situations before

  • i hope its worked out for you all

  • So very difficult. I’d be hesitant; ideally your daughter would have a relationship with him, but I think it would be very damaging if he bails again. Could you and he see a counsellor together BEFORE he has contact with your daughter?

  • if he is the dad, then I guess you need to give him the chance of getting to know his little one

  • hard decision .. maybe meet him yourself first

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