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12 Answers

Often during foreplay he will lose his erection before we can get to intercourse


Posted anonymously, 11th November 2020


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  • I would definitely see a doctor and get professional advice.


  • Get his blood sugars checked. He may have Diabetes. Not getting or keeping an erection is common.


  • I’ve just read all the comments and most of them suggest that there could be something wrong with him. There is not! It’s not uncommon for men not to be able to last the distance. Some people just live with it (like me) or go to your GP and suggest viagra. It’s not something easy to talk about without offending him.. Good luck!


  • Try less foreplay and see if that makes a difference. If not then I’d suggest seeing your doctor to rule out any problems. Best of luck


  • I would definitely be going to the doctor about this first then perhaps reducing the amount of foreplay if the doctor rules out anything wrong. Good luck.


  • I would suggest a visit to the GP to get a referral to a specialist. There may be some underlying problem that is causing this.


  • I would consult a urologist. There may be a physical issue that needs to be investigated otherwise it may be psychological issue behind it in which case he can be referred to a psychologist.


  • How old is your husband? Has he had a check-up with a prostate check?


  • See your doctor he can provide the correct medication for this. It’s something that should be addressed for your health


  • Speed up foreplay. Less time on foreplay and more time doing the deed


  • Oh this could be for so many reasons. Does he drink? Smoke? Get enough regular exercise? Drink enough water? Is he stressed? The list can be a long one and you may need to explore quite a few areas before you get your answer. It could be all in his head too. If this has happened a few times already, he may be convincing himself that it will happen again and just by stressing and thinking about it – it turns out he was right – it happens!
    Provided there are no physical issues going on down there (I would recommend a visit to the docs just to make sure), it may help to shake things up a little in the bedroom and try something new. Do you currently use adult toys? There are some very simple aids for him, like a cock ring, that trap the blood in the penis and help to maintain his erection. Or a penis pump could do the trick. Men are also very visual creatures so maybe watching adult movies (yes I mean porn) together could help? Classy adult movies actually do exist! Remember that only a truly insane person repeats the same action and expects a different outcome so if you have the same routine/foreplay/pattern going on, your going to get the same outcome and everyone remains unhappy. It is possible that just by shifting the focus away from intercourse for a bit could relieve the performance pressure he is under. Try taking turns in giving each other a massage with no talk or pressure around sex as the end result – does he need some pampering? Or maybe try an adult board game or card game to lighten things up. Sometimes these can lead to a night of hilarious, side splitting laughter, which is great for you both. It’s possible he may get very turned on just focusing on you, using toys to spoil you or watching you use them on yourself. If sex is important to you both then this is an area that can make or break relationships. Generally, people can put more time and effort into perfecting their golf swing than making sure their bedroom game is up to par. Do a little research. Do it together! I just Googled “How do I keep my penis hard during intercourse?” and got 79,6000,000 results. At the very least, you have taken a step and opened up the lines of communication. There are some great online adult stores that appeal to women like Lovehoney. Full of useful advice, podcasts, tips and tricks, product reviews and even a live chat line to ask specific questions. Not scary. No nude people or pornographic scenes, just intimate, adult products and you can shop and explore to your comfort level. Now – are you truly insane or is it time to take a little risk for a potentially big reward? I hope that something I have shared here helps you both to get to the bottom of this and I’m certainly wishing for a happy outcome. Best of luck and be brave for him.


  • Sounds like he needs to go see his doctor and have some tests as could be a few things causing it and the doctor is the best person to ask for advice.


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