10 Answers

Hi, can I ask for a any ideas? I am a 26 years old mum, have a 5.6 years old boy, he has autism. Raising a child is very difficult since we always are asking our self if we are doing what is best for him. Through the struggles of raising him , mostly I did the bigest struggle for my boy, since daddy was mostly working. Lately, I saw him he does a lot of phone sex with a lot of other girls, what hurts me he does it meanwhile he has a profile picture with me on it. I feel disrespected, I talked to him, he blames me for not being sexy enough, I cried a lot since it hurts a lot. Maybe I am not sexy enough but it is just who I am… divorcing makes me also feel bad since I want my boy feel as loved as possible because he also has suffered a lot with his weak immune system. (Sorry if my english is bad, it is not my first language)

Posted anonymously, 5th September 2020

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  • I hope things have improved for you.

  • I was reading your post again. How are you doing, any improvement ? xx

  • Your husband is being very unfair. Perhaps you should try to get him to marriage counselling. He needs to change his behaviour and I don’t think he will without an outside perspective.

  • Sometimes you need to put yourself first. Ask yourself if you’re happy in the relationship and if you are feeling loved. If he loves you, he needs to stop right now and accept you for who you are. If he can’t stop doing it then you need to think about what is best for you and your son. Spending time away to focus on yourself will help you make your decision. What your husband is doing is very very wrong.

  • I am so sorry that your partner has manipulated you in to thinking that his infidelity is somehow your fault. The most important thing you can do for your son is to provide him with a safe, loving, and supportive home and by the sounds of it, your partner is not doing that. I am not going to tell you whether you should leave him or not but you definitely deserve better.

  • If you think the relationship is worth saving then you could try counselling (eg Relationships Australia) or local GP might help with referral (sometimes even religious organization have help for free). Perhaps son’s autism is too hard to cope with for him. Why does he use your picture? That is just strange; perhaps he should take this down as a first step towards respecting you and showing he is willing to do something to work on the relationship?

  • You need to get away. That’s not a healthy relationship and you’ll be damaging your child by staying in a bad relationship. You deserve to be loved and respected and your child deserves a mum who is happy

  • Oh dear….try to talk to your husband and tell him how you feel…maybe write him a note or letter and just gave him…i have problem with talking about my feeling this is why i am writing letters…maybe you need to see couple specialist? Or try to go on weekend away just two of you. Sending lots of love to you.

  • First of all English isn’t my first language either, but we can understand you very well and your English is not bad.
    I can imagine you feel hurt and disrespected by your husband ! Reading your story I think
    your husband can not blame you for not being sexy enough…we’re all created to be unique social interactive and sexual beings, however we don’t get equally turned on by any man/woman but by a specific type or for some just by the one and only person they love. Our sexual drive can be impacted by lots of things and our relationship including our sexual relationship is something we need to work on & invest in the rest of our life. When he goes online or has phone sex he doesn’t work or invest in the relationship with you, so he can’t blame you but could blame himself.
    Don’t doubt you’re not sexy either; we all are beautiful unique beings and when he doesn’t want to see the beauty in you and support you in your love and care towards your autistic son then that’s very sad. Love has to come from both sides, the only thing you can do is your part.
    You could seek counseling first of all to deal with your own hurt and see if he feels for relationship counseling too.

  • This is sad. First and foremost you have done nothing wrong! It is very challenging for you to raise an Autistic child basically on your own whilst hubby works- no one would feel sexy after being emotionally drained all the time. Sit your husband down and tell him how you feel, how it is disrespectful to you and communicate. If he is not interested in doing that then perhaps a trial situation would work. You have to look out for the best interests of your child also. Good luck.

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