12 Answers

What do you do in the situation when you seem to be the only one in so called friendships that is the person who gives a gift/remembers birthdays and the like? It’s not the physical presence of the gift that I’m looking for but the acknowledgment of the special occasion.  Its gets a little old that we dish out money for people who don’t seem to care. I know this sounds trivial – my thoughts are now that I just revert to sending a card and no presents so people will stop expecting presents.

Posted by sasichick, 21st October 2015

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  • My mum is like this. All her grandkids and great grandkids got a card every year, they hardly ever thanked her for them and she never got them on her birthdays. She has now stopped, just the immediate family is acknowledged now. Took her a long time to get over the guilt

  • Don’t give them presents. I personally don’t give presents to friends unless it is a really special birthday as I think the gift giving thing gets out of hand, and it becomes a burden to people.

  • Go with what your gut tells you,if they don’t care to do the same l would do a card or a call.

  • yeah a card or better yet a phone call. then you give the gift of time and that means a lot to a person.

  • I had this problem with a couple of family members. Like you, I wasn’t expecting a gift, just an acknowledgement of the special day. I would have liked to have heard from them any day of the year actually, but it never happened. They never rang, visited etc so I no longer have them in my life

  • Just send a card it means just as much as a gift its from the heart. Its about the thought behind it, not whats given. But if the people dont even bother noticing your special occasions buy phonecall, card etc. stop sending them a card as well. .Then they might take a little notice and realise the situation.

  • It is very difficult to be in this position.
    You are obviously a very kind hearted person & it sounds like people take advantage of you very easily.
    If you are not being appreciated then you need to revert to card only.
    Simple things such as saying thank you are expected.
    It sounds like those close to you are just expecting to be lavished.
    Appreciation is not very difficult.
    I hope those close to you learn to appreciate your thoughtfullness & perhaps cutting back is the way for them to learn you are not going to tolerate being the only good guy.
    You shouldn’t be feeling this way, make the change & I hope things improve for you.

  • I would just give a card. If they don’t at least say thank you, their manners leave a lot to be desired. Maybe they don’t appreciate the gifts you give them. Do they even acknowledge your birthday? Yes, I would be disappointed if mine isn’t acknowledged in any way. Do they even say “Happy Birthday” to you??

  • It has been my motto that givers should be with givers, and that not only goes for relationships, but friendships as well. I think you are spot on with reverting to card giving only

  • Do what makes you feel the most comfortable. I like to see the joy on someone’s face when giving them a card or gift. Once I have given the card or gift I do not expect any card or gift in return as I have bought it to give and the pleasure for me is in the giving and not receiving. However, if people do not have basic manners and say thank you then that is poor form! I only give gifts to family and close friends and send cards to all other extended family and friends.

  • think you have answered your own question,just a card as you like to remember them on birthdays etc. You sound like you enjoy doing it, so do not stop. I once gave myself a birthday party, cos I wanted too. Had best time ever every one of my friends felt guilty so got great presents Ha ha this is true was fun to do

  • I think your right about just sending a card – that way you have acknowledged the fact of the birthday anniversary or whatever.

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