20 Answers

This morning I left the house to run an errand leaving 3 of my young kids (all under 5) with my husband. For a bit of background info we have had big issues regarding his drinking as I feel it’s an issue and is not good for our kids to be constantly exposed to and we can’t afford it as well. Tonight I find out via paying bills on Netbank that he left the house with the kids and bought another carton of beer at 9am. I left the house at 8.40am and it’s a 10 minute drive to the shop so he literally left as soon as I had gone. He bought his last carton on Monday at 11am so it’s not even lasted more than 3 days. I don’t know what to do anymore but I have a big issue with this level of drinking and sneaking around (he will spend our bill money on beer and I found out Monday he had re drawn money from a loan to buy beer). He believes I am been ridiculous and he doesn’t have a problem ????


Posted anonymously, 16th January 2020


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  • Contact Al-Anon for support. They are their to help families and friends of someone whose drinking is a problem, regardless if they acknowledge they have a problem or not.


  • To redraw a loan for alcohol is a big warning sign, speak with someone you love and trust and go from there


  • Unfortunately the fact he is drinking so early and having issues getting money for alcohol (& leaving children alone) makes it sound like there is an issue. Does he work? Is he a shift worker that runs on different hours? There are many factors that may contribute but it sounds like you need him to have a chat to someone, maybe men’s helpline or a gp to begin with?


  • That sounds like a problem with the sneaking around. I reall6 feel for you as it’s difficult to get someone with a drinking issue to believe and admit they do have one. Is there a reason why he drinks lloke stress or grief? Perhaps you try get him to talk to a counsellor for the stress/grief or the issue and they would see how he deals with it and identify the drinking doesn’t help????
    Good luck


  • I would say yes,a cartoon can last up to 2 weeks and he is hiding it from you.l would talk to him seriously.


  • He has a problem and he cant see it. I am just glad that nothing happend to kids when he was out. You need to talk to him, look for help.i am pretty sure he doesnt want to loose kids for a stupid mistake but what if someone will call social services and tell then the kids are alone ect.


  • I believe your husband has a problem, not only with his drinking but also with deceiving you. This isn’t going to go away in a hurry because you can’t help a heavy drinker unless they want help. I know someone close to me who was in denial for 40 years until a medical condition changed his attitude – and his drinking habits. I really feel for you and hope you somehow find a solution.


  • I can completely understand. My hubby’s a big drinker were I crack it. He can easily spend $30-$40 a day on beer etc. I have said that he is our children’s male role model and he’s setting them up to fail. I told him to pick up his game as he should be thinking more about he’s family then worrying about Alcohol. He cuts right back for about a week then goes right on back


  • Sounds indeed he has a problem. Lots of addictions com e with denial which makes it difficult to have a reasonable chat and seek help as without motivation you can’t be helped.
    What you could do is find support yourself though. I would try to have a gentle chat with him as well in which you share your concern.


  • It does sound that your husband has an issue and you have every reason to be concerned. I am not sure what you do in that type of situation, however I think your GP (if you have a good one) might be able to help and provide advice.


  • It looks like a big problem indeed. But if he doesn’t realize that, he can’t be helped. My father used to drink a lot. And it wasn’t pretty at all. Alcohol damages not only your health, but your relationships.


  • may be even if you are considering that it might be a problem, then it might be worth checking out.


  • Sounds like a big problem to me and you Have a tough decision on your hands (him too)


  • mom 81879 and other Mums
    Your husband needs to understand that alcohol can damage his liver to the extent that he develop a alcohol induced liver disease which could develop into liver failure. Does he want to ruin his family’s life??? Do any of the guys want constant stomach problems or even Liver Cancer?? Remind them all that the alcohol money should be paying for other necessities including food and electricity to keep food cold.


  • It sounds like a big problem to me. Redrawing money from a loan because he can’t go without is a big issue.


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