16 Answers

I could just be getting my back up, but my first child is now 10 months old. We survived Christmas without to much hassle, however I did get a little cranky that my mother-in-law bought my son his first ever trike. She has now informed me that she has laybyed a swingset and jungle gym for his birthday, and has already started looking for his first bicycle. I did not say anything but these are all things I had planned on my son receiving from his parents (or santa), and I’m not sure if I’m just overreacting because I do not agree with my mother-in-law on most things. Please tell me, are these gifts you would prefer to give your child or do you think its great that someone else is doing it?

Posted anonymously, 12th March 2015

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  • I would not be too bothered about this – but I don’t see these things as particularly special or personal. If they are special to you in some way, then fair enough. Can you talk to your husband about this, and get him to talk to his mother?

  • I think it’s great. I don’t think it matters who buys these things.

  • Does it really matter who gives the gift? If grandma I’d buying this stuff, that means your money is free to buy other things. I don’t see too much of an issue here

  • I would be happy for Nan to buy these gifts, but she should consult with you first

  • Yes I agree with you, they are parent gifts….. on the plus side if she likes to spend lots of money, maybe she could pay for his education?

  • also i have a mother in law who would rather drink than spend money or time with her grandchildren and we live in the same town….

  • Honestly your child at 1 year old will not know who has given him what and if she wants to buy the expensive things then go ahead as it will save you money for something else. Often grandparents can get a bit carried away but I guess that is the joy of being a grand parent! You could also ask her it you could help choose one if you want to be involved in decision. – good luck.

  • Your feelings are all normal. Don’t worry your baby is 10 months old. At one baby does not know who gave him/her whatever at their birthday. Sames goes until they are about 3-4 and then they really don’t care at all. Don’t waste your energy on this matter let Granny pay for these things even tell her what the child needs or which brands you like. Granny will calm down eventually. Baby will not remember or even ask who bought the swing set or his first bike. You might mention it to your children one day but it’s just that you wanted to buy it. If you want buy one in another colour so that if he has a play day with a friend they have a bike too!

  • Just be happy that your kid has a grandparent who is happy to do these things. Maybe you could suggest that you go shopping together to help choose his bike? You could say that you’d like to make sure your son fits the bike properly, and you could take the opportunity to get a little closer to your MIL?

  • I can understand your disappointment, but can also understand the excitement from the mother-in-law, especially if it is a first grandchild. It doesn’t matter whether you buy a swing set or a bike for your child, or give them a soft toy or a car. Because the gift came from mum and dad it will always be the most exciting gift they will ever receive.
    Unfortunately both my in-laws passed, one before our children were born and one just after. My son received a monkey teddy from grandad before he passed and he treasures that monkey more than anything. I just wish that I had more time to spend with my father-in-law as he was such an amazing man and wish I could have had the chance to meet my mother-in-law. Meanwhile my ex-father-in-law took no interest in my son and although had the money wouldn’t waste his time buying a gift for my son. Sometimes you just need to let go of the little things and look at the bigger picture. A mother-in-law who wants to be there to show your children love.

  • If she can afford it Id accept! You can buy acubby house and trampoline

  • I’d be annoyed too, especially as there are so many styles of swing sets to choose from some fit better in the yard than others. Personally I think she’s getting this stuff a but hoo early. Say thanks for the swing set but let her know that you aren’t planning on him getting his first bike for a few years and would really like him to have a hand in choosing it. No point getting a blue bike with cars on it if he prefers dinosaurs or a plain colour. You need to get the right size, too.

  • I personally wouldn’t find it such a big problem. But if for you it is, it’s probably better to talk about it to avoid further disappointments.

  • Well, I think is ok for the in law to give. You gonna have a lot more money to spend on ur child in the future. The child won’t care who give the present to him . You can put the money a aside toward the education funding instead.

  • I know you are disappointed; as of course you wanted to buy these special items for your child. However; at this age he will not remember who bought it or gave it to him. Put the money aside and save it for when he gets his first big bike as he will remember this bike. Also; use some of the saved money for family outings or other family projects. It may be her way of helping you out and demonstrating her love? I suggest you speak to her about this with your partner. If she is unaware of how you feel she will continue to buy things for your son that you wish to buy for him. I would make sure she is fully aware that you will be buying the next bike. She may not like to hear it? But at least you will have told her and hopefully feel better for having made your position clear. Your little boy is lucky to have family that love and care for him.

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