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10 Answers

Why are step mums hated on so much? If there is a step dad, who is fully involved, does everything a biological dad would and should do, he’s a champ, good on him for loving some one else’s kids, he deserves a medal, but if its a step mum who does all the same, she’s ladled an interfering negative person in the children’s loves trying to take over mums role in the kids lives. I’m a step mum, and from those close to me, yes, I’m awesome. Honestly i don’t need that to lift me up, but to those outside the circle, I’m just trying to take over, I’m a trouble maker, if I’m worried about the kids welfare, I’m just trying to cause issues. This is the part that brings me down. As a step mum, I’m automatically ladled a bitch, iv even been labled a home wrecker even though I met my partner well after separation. I don’t understand the mentality. And to be honest, I get most of this judgement off woman.! Are woman so bitter and use their own experiences they can’t look at the bigger picture that not all step mums are evil cows out to take over the motherly role. Are their kids step mums really as bad as theu make out..? Does jealousy really go so far that accepting that the kids have an e tra person to love them is far more important then a hurt ego?


Posted anonymously, 12th June 2021


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  • Hollywood pushes it as a lazy stereo type


  • I think its an ego thing,


  • I agree with you wholeheartedly as I am a stepmom too. I get grief from my stepsons mother. She dropped him on our doorstep when he was eleven saying she could not handle him. If he gets into trouble, it is the way I brought him up. We are in a no-win situation.


  • Hard to understand isn’t it. Harsh judgement, unwarranted and totally unhelpful. No advice or answers other than to look after your own sanity. Humour can work to diffuse situations with others, although those out to make trouble will find even ‘dad jokes’ offensive. Sometimes I think humour is how/why men get away with it… they don’t see the nastiness or make light of it when they do.


  • I’m in the same boat as you, feel your pain . I don’t have any tips unfortunately


  • Been through this honestly and see it from both sides I feel like the bio mum feels threatened that someone is going to take her place and that worried feeling your children are going to “like her better etc”

    As a step mum I just worry about the children and that’s it everyone can talk and say what they like everyone is always going to have a opinion on everything just have to choose not to let it get to you life is to short


  • I’m a step mum as well so totally understand.
    My now hubby’s sister (the one he is closest to the most out of three) was actually really harsh to me when we first met. She totally ignored me and always took cheap shots at me whenever she could because she didn’t like the he had a kid to someone else and thought he was abandoning that child. She thinks he and his ex should have stayed together.
    I guess it gets better with time? She’s a bit nicer to me these days (or to my face at least) but she seems to still have a good relationship with his ex as she invited her to her wedding.
    I guess just keep on doing what you’re doing. Don’t worry about what others say or think. Your partner has clearly chosen you so no one else’s opinion should matter. It does get hard to deal with sometimes but just know that he loves you and those haters can’t change that.


  • I have known many step mums, and not many had the experience you’re describing. So I think it’s about the people you know.


  • I am not sure but it sounds like you are doing your best.
    Have you spoken to your other half?


  • I’m sorry you’re facing this type of opinion and judgement, that must be very hard and I can imagine it drags you down sometimes. Seems to me you have your heart on the right place and your love and passion for your partners children will pay off ! Try not to let other people’s opinion affect what you do and feel in life and surround yourself with positive people. Xx


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