The new mum was devastated to learn of NICU staff’s disapproval of her and her husband…

A distraught mum-of-two has posted on Mumsnet, sharing her anger and hurt after discovering a judgemental note from NICU staff while her premature baby was in their care. The mum found a number of comments in her medical notes after her baby’s birth that criticised her and her husband for being inattentive.

Not Good Enough

The new mum said she couldn’t believe what she found when she requested her baby’s medical notes after they were discharged. “I’m in tears. Requested my baby’s medical notes after a prem birth. Found a part where they started a visiting log as they felt we didn’t stay on the ward long enough, that I wasn’t talkative enough and that my husband rarely visited” she wrote. “I don’t drive and I have an older child with disabilities. My husband works, and at that time was working night shifts. They KNEW this.” The mum said she felt personally attacked. “I feel distraught at the notion that at my most vulnerable, when I was trying my best, I was judged as somehow not good enough,” she told the forum.

A Difficult Time

Parents on the forum who had experienced the stress and trauma of having a child in the NICU were quick to rush to the mum’s defence. “I had an experience of very judgemental NICU staff too,” said one. “They seemed to have very rigid ideas of what normal was and no concept that some families have little extended support.” Others, however, were more critical of the family’s approach. “They want you to be on the ward helping to care for the baby,” one commenter wrote. “They wrote down your visits because they were concerned. Nothing wrong in that.”

Did your child spend time in the NICU? Share your story in the comments!


  • I can’t imagine that they would have noted it unless they were concerned for the child’s welfare. How long was the mum staying on the ward etc? My little one spent a week in the special care and I spent all day everyday with her til discharge.


  • I can understand reading this is upsetting and it’s not professional of the NICU staff to make judgemental comments in the medical reports.
    When my youngest was in NICU I had 3 of my kids at school and my husband traveling. I was only able to go during school times and not stay during the night. I talked about this with the staff and the social worker of the hospital.


  • I don’t blame her for feeling upset and attacked. It was a sensitive time and you want to do all that you can for your little baby in there.


  • It depends how it was written definitely should be doing everything to protect kids though it’s hard to balance that with parents needs. Every Mum does their best and with other commitments and knowing bub is well cared for you do the very best you can.


  • I was actually banned from the NICU because I was so sick myself. I saw thir point – risk of infection – but it didn’t feel great.


  • Sadly, it’s a fact of life that not all parents can sit with their sick child 24/7. Jobs, other children… in general can affect this. As much as we would all like to, it’s just not provable with everyone. But I’m sure most parents spend as much time as possible so the comments from the staff would be heart breaking


Post a comment
Like Facebook page

LIKE MoM on Facebook

Please enter your comment below
Would you like to include a photo?

No picture uploaded yet
Please wait to see your image preview here before hitting the submit button.

Your MoM account

Lost your password?

Enter your email and a password below to post your comment and join MoM:

Loading articles…
↥ Back to top

Thanks For Your Star Rating!

Would you like to add a written rating or just submit?

Write A Rating Just Submit