A stay-at-home mum has sparked an online debate after asking if it is reasonable to expect her husband to pay her a $5,000 monthly “salary”.

Posting her dilemma on Reddit the anonymous mum explained that she’d agreed to give up her job to stay at home to look after their one-year-old son.

The couple agreed that this made the most sense as she used to earn “about 1/8″ of her husband’s salary.

“My husband earns good money but he’s very frugal about nonessential spending because he wants to be financially independent (no job, earnings from investments) at an early age,” she wrote.

“Granted he was like this when I met him but I also had my own salary at the time to do what I wanted.”

“This means if I go out to get clothing, makeup, brunch, little treats etc, and the amount exceeds $217 (£118), I would need to call him beforehand and talk about what I’m buying,” she explained.

The woman says she finds it “extremely restrictive and quite frankly humiliating.”

“I’ve been talking to my sister who’s also a stay-at-home mum and she says her and her husband have an agreement where she’s ‘paid’ for childcare/homekeeping.

“Essentially she gets ‘paid’ a few thousand every month to spend on whatever she wants.”

She added: “Right now she says she gets around $5,000 a month, which they worked out is what it would cost to hire a nanny.

“Would I be the a***** to suggest a similar arrangement with my husband so I don’t need to go grovelling for money every time I want to buy myself something nonessential?”

Some users agreed that the woman was right to want to earn her own money.

“She’s sacrificing too: job prospects, independence, security, personal retirement, so he can have the life he wants,” one user wrote.

Another shared, “I think she’s asking for way too much money, but she should definitely have something.”

“None of us know what this couple can afford,” another commented. “But the idea that OP deserves some financial independence as a stay at home mother is entirely valid.”

A third poster agreed: “Taking care of children, cooking, home maintenance. It’s a lot of stuff, you don’t get paid for it true but you spend more time on it than most people spend at paying jobs.”

But others thought the woman was expecting too much.

“It’s crazy to get paid a nanny’s salary for caring for your own kid,” one user wrote.

“If she was working, that’s money they’d be paying to someone else – a lot of SAHM’s end up becoming SAHM’s because it’s more financially feasible to lose the mother’s income than to keep it and pay out a nanny.”

“I think more than anything, that’s too much to ask for,” agreed another. “You’re basically asking for a stay-at-home nanny’s entire salary as play money. That’s absurd unless you’re very wealthy.”

“Asking for a salary to stay home and raise the kids is ridiculous,” yet another user wrote. “You need to act like a grown up not an entitled housewife.”

“You and your husband are partners. His salary gives you the ability to stay home and raise your child.

“Sit down and have a realistic conversation about your budget. If you explain what you are looking for, then maybe it can be accomplished.”

I was like yeah that’s fair enough! Until I realised that is more than my husband earns a month with a full time manager’s position.

Do you think she is expecting a bit much?

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  • $5000 a month, oh my god that’s a lot of money! That’s $1250 a week, what non essentials could she possibly need that cost that much? Yeah, it’s tough when there’s only one income and hubby should maybe let you have control over some of the cash……but $1250 a week is way over the top


  • It really depends on your relationship i think. I know that my husband who earns about 3 times as much as me doesn’t bat an eyelid when i spend money. But with this woman, it sounds as though her husband is a bit miserly and is going to question everything that she spends on. This is no way for a woman to live and for some people, rightly or wrongly, having children can be a time in life when you do feel very beholden to others because you are not earning an income. But we do need to realise that it’s a really important thing that we are doing (having and raising children), and we shouldn’t feel as though the money coming into the house is not ‘our’ money. If asking for an income from her husband is going to help, then i say go for it.


  • She deserves some financial independence but that is a huge amount of money.


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