What did you end up deciding? You are so mindful of possible problems that might come up for him and his family, so thoughtful. But then you need to take thought for your own family’s need for medical history. I hope you found a way : )

I am adopted. I went to the best family I could ever hope for. And wait for it, Yes, I’m a twin. We were so lucky to be adopted out together. 47 years ago it hardly every happened. We were born premature; our natural Mum was told by my maternal Grandfather that she would not be a ‘scarlet women’ and sully his good name. She was then shipped off to Australia from New Zealand to give birth to twins, have one little look and have us taken away from her. She went back , but never, ever forgot us, (she told us that she would look at the pictures of twins in New Idea & Women’s Day etc. and wonder if it was us); and we went to Mum and Dad. Beautiful, fantastic, wonderful Mum and Dad. As far as I’m concerned they are my birth parents. Mum looked at the adoption papers in the hospital and remembered our natural mother’s name. She was comfortable enough to give us her name when we were old enough and registered us with Jigsaw. She knew she would always be Mum and Dad would always be Dad. She was actively helping us to find our natural Mother. My sister through serendipity (her boss was head of the genealogical society in our State that wrote magazines, which were delivered worldwide, and to the newsagent in New Zealand where my natural Mum worked) found her against all odds. She received a phone call from a 3rd party who asked about us and apparently passed the info along. When contact was established my sister told me ‘let’s go meet her’. I said I wanted nothing to do with it, I felt nothing for this woman, no hatred, no love, just nothing, the only thing I was interested in was the medical history (which has now come in handy). I’ll never forget my sister saying. You bitch, how can you be so selfish? I told her it was my choice but if she wanted to she should go for it. My mum and dad are now dead, but I’m so glad my sister did go for it. Mum and Dad used to talk to my natural mum every Christmas day when she phoned us. She even wrote to them and they to her. They encouraged me to talk to her and write to her. I did this, but have still not met her. My natural Grandmother died after we had made contact with our Mum and my natural Grandfather who shipped her to Australia died 7 years before contact was made. My twin sister had had numerous trips to New Zealand visiting. I regret not going over and meeting her before she died. I still talk to my natural Mum on the phone and am planning a trip to visit her in the next couple of years. From the first contact with the 3rd Party with my sister, it took my natural Mum two years to make contact again. It took her that long to prepare her family, her daughter and her brothers etc. She had married again, but he had passed away. She told us that our natural father passed her in the street many years ago and said ‘how is your daughter – not us, but the daughter she had when she eventually married. She did not tell him about us. I always wonder what my natural father is like. Should I look for him? I asked my natural Mum for a name and was given one. I searched the NZ phone book and was amazed at how many men had his name. Where do I start, I know he doesn’t know about us. That was 4 years ago, I’m still deciding what to do about my natural father. Of course I wonder about him, I wonder all the time. I was angry for a long time as to why she ‘gave us away’ until I spoke to her the second time. The first time I spoke to my natural mum (by phone) I said ‘why did you give us away’, started crying and slammed the phone down. Whatever you decide, it is okay. Okay to make contact, okay to hold onto the information whilst you decide what to do. Okay to be angry or sad. You’ll make the right choice for yourself in time. I wish you all the luck. I truly do.

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  • • mom57522 replied
    • 06 Jan 2015 , 6:43 pm

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  Thank you for sharing your story as well.

Goodluck in what ever you decide to do….It must be so hard for you and I do wonder if your mum had a reason to keep this from you. But you dont want to live your life not knowing. But at the end of the day your dad is your dad and no amount of genetics will change that. It takes more than sperm to be a dad (sperm makes a father, a dad is the one that is there for you). Do what feels right, and either way (if he embraces you as a daughter or turns you away) at least you know. Good luck hun.