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Oh where to start. My year 2013. I,m running. I am on a merry-go- round how the hell do I get off…
Mathew called in home he is one of our ident twins .. He says mum dr thinks my Crohns is playing up .. But I,m not sure… So I ask ,what’s going on… I,m bleeding from the back passage again… Okay … Down to our dr … Yep Mathew was put in had the scope again. His father and me waiting out side… First time in our lives get taken to a room .. What’s going on.. I,m crying already. .. Dr says Mathew at 30 has bowel cancer .. We need to sign the paper for him to have a operation now… So I sign away. Not knowing really what the hell I was doing … Mathew 7 hours later comes out of theatre. Missing part of his bowel appendix wow. Now we are going too recovery then do chemo .. .. Mathew is into his five lot of chemo when one night early hours of the morning police knock on our door… Omg I thought Mathew had passed away. He had been so sick… No Mathew was find .. Martin his twin brother had been raced by ambulance. To Liverpool hospital. In extreme pain…
Martin has Crohns we were required at the hospital. .. So once again get dressed. Off we race .. Sign away Martin had a blockage ..in the bowel…..sign away. Sign away. What am I doing. …Martin had gone to surgery.
6.5 hours omg the sun had come up. I was still sitting and waiting. My hubby was in the chair next to me lightly snoring.. I want to yell at him how could you sleep… But I sat and watched him… And waited…dr came out.. Elizabeth. Peter sat straight up. .. Okay. All went really well we have removed the two blockages. Plus three part blockages. How is bowel was working we do not know… Martin now has a bag… Omg what have I done.. I start crying this is my fault he will never forgive me.. Dr says you had no choice he would of died… What… We see the police walking around talking and moving on.. I,m trying to listen to the dr but watching also what’s going on……..then they held our way .. Mr and mrs Gully .. Yes says my hubby .. We hate to tell you but your son Mathew has been brought in by ambulance he is down stairs .., what. . Yes a young man run the red light and Mathew has been involved in a car accident .. Dr says Martin was going to I C U. To go down to Mathew and we can see Martin in a hour ..we go down they were checking Mathew over as his air bag had gone off.. But apart from shock and a few bruises he was going to be okay… Martin three days later was moved into the ward and was doing well…ten days later Martin came home to us for six weeks … Mathew was still living with his girl friend and she was looking after him with us talking on the phone daily… I said to Peter about three weeks after Martin went home to his own place.. I said Mathew rang today he doing really well next chemo should be his last. .. So we were having dinner a bottle of wine.. And I said to hubby after dinner I was tired. .. I wanted to go to bed … I climb in to bed at 8 pm and was sleeping like the dead.. The phone rang at 4.12 am. .. It was my youngest sister. As I,m the oldest of four.. The next sister down from me Margaret had pass away. 50 and two weeks two days old.. She had breast cancer.. Wow As my sister and my self had never got on.. We lived our own lives .. Never wanted anything bad for each other .. But never loved or liked each other neither.. It went back before time it self… It sounds sad but we were both happy .. So I never knew she was even sick … That,s just how things where… And she never knew I had my own dramas going on…. I layed in my hubby arms and cried.. For what was gone what we never had. ,,What could of been… I knew I could not go to the funeral. As my mother would be there.. I did not want to go down that road… The next day. Our daughter came over she asked if I was okay.. Yeah just tired. .. I said I think I killed a chinaman.. And we told her about her aunty. ….
Martin was coming over and picking up Mathew. We had decided to have a family BBQ. A few bottles of wine and give my sister a bit of a send off toast her…and we were going to sit around and I was going to share some stories about our child hood… It was 6 and the boys had not turn up… Bugger them always late between the two of them they can not tell the time I said to hubby… 6.20 I was getting pissed off the phone rang.. Hubby answer it was Martin he had been in a car accident. No way. I said. .. Peter said its not his fault. I ask are both the boys okay.,,,, yep just a bit of shock… Wow.. I,m sitting at the hospital and I burst out laughing I just could not stop… They wanted to know what was so funny… Ha ha I,m laughing tears rolling down my face. Ident twins. … Yeah not to be out done. You both got new butts and new cars in the same year ident twins … I,n laughing. .. Then someone released I was not alright. I just passed out… I woke up on a hospital bed.. With orders to see my own dr… Which I did the next day… He puts me on anti depression medication … And blood pressure meds okay .. I just said its all been a bit much… This was all before August. Wow… It was quite for a month. Then hubby come home to say after 29 years his job was gone … That they had closed his section and they were moving him to Strathfield Into the complex. And would need to retrain.. .. Yep okay. Knowing Peter would not be happy. .. Another nail in the coffin… But took it all in his stride and the move was not as bad as what we thought.. Sep. started Christmas shopping and still playing bowls .. And going to Randwick children’s with my daughter . As our youngest grand daughter was born with issues which need to be attended too.. So I liked to go with Melissa for support. to be true full Melissa has always been a beautiful mother and a great daughter … Could not ask for better,,, oct cam and went life was being normal. Omg. Do not breath … I thought …I had to go the dr and have my meds upped I still was not coping fully .. Days I would not answer the home phone I was scared of bad news … Our wedding anniversary. I,m looking at Peter. And thinking I do not want to be with you anymore .. You kiss me on the top of the head like a child .. I could not remember the last time we made love.. Or gone out for dinner,, or spent any time together. Or talk or walked…. I had or these thoughts running through my head… Then phone rang .. I was sitting here thinking it would be so easy just to swallow what ever I had here. .. Cost nothing be so easy .. The phone rang… It was my grand daughter Ayla.. Nanny can I come and keep tomorrow night and we can do some cooking .. I said yes honey nanny would love that spoke to my daughter and hung up… Never said a word about my thoughts except the next time I went to the Dr … My new medication is now right…. Ayla came we had a great weekend the following weekend she came. We went to the movies… Life was feeling okay .. Still was not happy in my marriage and did not know how to change it…the phone rang … I picked it up ,,, I was sharpe what I snapped.. It was my youngest sister .. Liz. Are you okay.. I lied I said fine just a head ache and I,m busy….. Sorry. But I thought I better let you know. Mum passed away a hour ago…. Wow what can I say.. We had not spoken in fifteen years. She had never seen my three beautiful grand kids.. Mum care more about what she could get out of a bottle then she did us girls… My mother was a piss pot. A smoking drinking smelly piss pot .. I did not want my grand children around it,,, it was embarrassing. … My merry go round was spinning. …,Peter came home and found me sitting in the middle of the lounge room crying … My sister died my mother has died. My life sucks my marriage is over my boys are sick .. My baby grand daughter is sick. I Do not want to be hear … I was screaming .. I really wish I was dead…… I layed on the bed and cried and cried… The dr came ., and I got some needle and slept and that was me for a week or so time had no meaning.. But some how it was two weeks to Christmas .. And hubby ask me what I would like .. I said a divorce. And for the first time we sat down and talked…. I never made mums funeral I was not mentally well enough I crack it…. We decided to stay together for Christmas for the family… They had all been through enough…. Mathew had finished chemo. ,, Martin had been back in hospital and had his bag reversed. And both where back at work finally .. Christmas morning came and hubby told me to open the envelope. He had given me .. Wow it was a holiday..he said we are not getting divorced. He said we are taking our life’s back .. 2014. Is our year. We are going on our first cruise .. We sail the 20th march .. Never been on a ship before. Omg… 10 days going to Brisbane Cairns airily beach Great Barrier Reef. Wow … So a few weeks after Christmas there was a competition on face book. We a day on the sun princess the love boat and renew your wedding vows .. What the hell have I to lose .,so I entered .. Omg I was squealing. Peter said what’s wrong .. We won we won .. He said what have you won. I told him… .. I said do you want to marry me again.. Of course he said… Omg we had the best day of our life’s ., princess look after us . We made new friends . Which we are still friends with…,awesome .. So we now go out for dinner. Once a week together we back to holding hands. .. Our twins still have Crohns but are doing well. Peter is looking after his diabetes. With help from me. ..,I am back to playing bowls and doing really well… Kiera is still under Randwick children’s and will be for a long time. … Ayla her big sister.. Made the school cricket team and dux her year And Melissa is a loving beautiful mother … And Peter and myself its our 35 year this year and its our year. To find each other and enjoy each other again… Not sex.. Just. Walking talking joking sharing caring about each other And being there for each other I,m still on medication .. But it was a hell of a year.. It did not make me stronger but hell I,m wiser for it.. I have learnt. No sex but my husband truly loves me …and the sun does shine again …..

Posted by liz007, 2nd March 2014

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