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When you have twins, everything is tested. Your patience, resilience, relationships…but most of all your physical and mental strength.

For most, the road to a multiple pregnancy is not straightforward. For many it involves fertility issues that may have stretched over many stressful years. The delight of successfully carrying multiple babies is very often followed by caution and paranoia.

All you want is for the pregnancy to follow a traditional path and that all of your babies will thrive equally. I have not heard of many straight forward multiple pregnancies.

Physically I was bowled over only 5 weeks into my twin pregnancy with extreme tiredness, nausea and a host of other physical side effects.

Most of my symptoms lasted the majority of the pregnancy, except the tiredness. Oh the tiredness, that has only seemed to subside now our twins are three years old.

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Sounding negative? No, twins were the best thing that has ever happened to me. To us.

The greatest surprise that the universe could have delivered. I feel so lucky. Many many nights I have not felt so lucky. Caring for more than one baby, whilst trying to treat them as individuals, at the same time as maintaining a consistent routine, is exhausting.

Relentless. I really know the definition of relentless.

Our family has gained an extra child that perhaps may not have been proactively conceived. You see our little twin boys already had two older brothers before them. When I say older, they were only two and four when I discovered I was pregnant with twins. What a day that was.



We now have four delightful, delicious little boys that we get the privilege to raise. The older brothers were perhaps asked to do more, to be more patient, to be less jealous than they would have liked. Than they would have had to be, had it not been for the twins’ arrival.

But now they each have three brothers to fight with, to laugh with, to discover with and hopefully to protect them through life. It makes me feel fantastic that I have given them this gift. In time, I hope they all realise it was their greatest gift too.

What About Friendships?

My friendships have been tested and I have seen another side to people that I would not have otherwise. I know what a fair-weather friend is now. I really know whom the people are that I can count on. This will stand us all in good stead for the years ahead.

Looking back on the last three years of mayhem, sleeplessness, forgetfulness and anti sociability, I can reflect on all of the hard work our little team has put in. As individual gestures, all of the ‘favours’ my beautiful friends and family have done for us seem small. We could not have survived so well without them. They rose to the challenge with us and when you look back on life, that is what is important. Having twins gave us that unity.

The extra stress that raising multiples puts on a relationship is well documented.

Who has done the most night shifts and who has left the house the least became the daily battleground. Mums of multiples can resent their partner, as they seem to skip out of the house each morning into the fresh air of their day unfolding. Their day when they only have themselves to think about and they can eat, socialise and even go to the toilet alone.

When children and an endless list of daily chores surround you, it is really hard not to resent the life that they lead away from your home.

Resilience

A rainy day stuck inside with twin toddlers teaches you patience. 48 hours straight caring for sick twins teaches you resilience.

Constantly doing boring things for other people teaches you humility. Having multiples in your family teaches you gratitude. For any parent, they understand the pure joy they receive from watching their children thrive. With twins, it really is more than double the love. It has to be, no Multiple Mummy would survive without it.

So for all of those horrendous nights, those thousands of dirty nappy changes, the never-ending feeds, the unrelenting washing pile, the fights, the missed weddings, the loss of time with my other children, I really have gained. I am different than I was before.

Not in a way that most can see, but in a way that is far more important.

Image courtesy of Shutterstock.com

  • My sister in law had twins and can relate with this article. The bottom line is that they are indeed a blessing.

    Reply

  • I was huge and exhausted and ended up with hashimotos thyroiditis, but it was delightful and amazing and so exhausting but i still look at them in amazement. I feel honoured.


    • That’s exactly it, it is an honour to have twins in your family :)

    Reply

  • I am the mother of two sets of twins and one single and that was the second marriage. I have two other daughters. There was no necessity for fertility drugs, for me it was a natural process. After the second set we decided our family was complete. My first set of twins were premature, two months, and the second set threatened to arrive at twenty three weeks so my obstetrician employed a radical procedure and we hung on until 38 weeks. I feel we were blessed. My seven daughters are adults now and have given my husband and I so much happiness and love.I agree with everything the previous author wrote, and rather than repeat the words, I would just say that if there is anything I can say that would help a multiple birth mother,I would be happy to oblige.


    • Wow, what an amazing story you have. Lucky you to be surrounded by so many twins & a large family x

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  • Spot on! I have a select few friends who help but at the end of the day it’s entirely up to me; hubby works long hours and is there at nighttime which makes it a bit easier. Twins straight up with no children before is a journey that we have been blessed with, sometimes a struggle but the double cuddles makes it all worth it. Our pride & joy!!

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  • I would love to have twins now after having two kids but I would be overwhelmed I think if I’d had them first.


    • It’s amazing what you can cope with when faced with the situation :)

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  • I take my hat off to parents of twins, triples ,Quads etc They do an amazing job times 2 +

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  • i would love to be blessed with twins twice the work twice the love!

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  • I don’t think anything could have prepared me for having twins. No one in our immediate family has twins, and we don’t have any friends that have had twins. Fortunately I had had 2 children prior, so the whole pregnancy and first year were a little easier to bear with as I had been there and done that before. People ask me all the time how I manage, but at the end of the day, you are in where you are and you need to make things work. We as women are resilient and always find a getter way of doing things. I love my girls. And I am still learning from them every day!


    • Exactly, you deal with what you are given & it sounds like you appreciate your little blessings too x

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  • you do what you have to do as a parent whether that be with one or multiples. Though i look up to parents of multiples, it must get so challenging at times

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  • my friend has five children in five years including triplets she makes it look so easy her second child is only 9 months older than the triplets so really it was like she had quads. it is amazing how everyone males things work differently, she handles it all like a breeze with less stress than me and I only have three children although that is just her way of dealing with life

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  • Take my hat off to a mum with twins or more, you are amazing and you do so welll

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  • My hat goes off too multiple birth parents, sending you all wishes for health and much happiness and love.

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  • yes it must be so exhausting! but worth it

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  • Having Twins and looking after multiple babies at once is something only a twin mum can really understand, I had twins just after my 21st birthday, then a girl 20mnths later complete with IUD, ended up being a single mum at 23, working fulltime to provide for my brood, but the exhaustion is unbelievable, but you do forget and it is lovely having all those nappies and baby stuff gone in less than a couple of years, most people take nearly a decade to have 3 kids and be rid of the baby stuff, I would not change a thing but the thing that annoys me the most is people who have 2 kids 18 mnths apart and they look at twin babies and say that having 2 kids close together is the same as twins, NOT EVEN CLOSE, having had twins and then a singleton, I really did wonder what people did with one baby, you feed it, change it, bath it and put it to bed, it was so easy, nights were easy as well compared to dealing with two. But like I said anyone who is lucky enough to have a multiple birth, naturally occurring or with fertility treatment are really blessed.


    • Wow, your story is amazing. Well done for getting through the first few years with twins +1. It sounds like they are lucky to have you (& vice versa) x

    Reply

  • This is such an interesting read. Thanks.

    Reply

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