Sometimes I am very happy that I had more than a couple of children and in reasonably quick succession as I never experienced what you are going through. There was no way one could have more than one child in bed with you and your husband, so the children learnt their pecking order and knew that no-one was going to be with them all the time till they fell asleep. And they didn’t cry themselves to sleep either. I made sure they weren’t too hot, or cold, or needed a nappy change or were hungry, but then they were put back into bassinet, cot, bed or whatever and went back to sleep. Are we trying to hard these days to be all knowing and wise and not following our natural instincts?

My daughter is 4 and I still have sleep issues with her. You are not alone. If you haven’t already, try checking the temp of the room, is it dark enough, does she have too many layers on or not enough, have you considered white noise for her room. I even tried putting a pj top of mine next to her so she could smell my scent to know I was close by. Good luck, know you are not alone

This could be many things, but the idea that babies and kids should just magically sleep through needs to change! Teething? Are they warm enough? Is it dark enough in the room? Are you doing a calm wind down routine? It could be a sleep regression. Co sleeping is a totally viable option, if it’s not a problem for you. We used a sleep trainer who taught us about the signs and set up for sleep, also about what is going on in a babies brain as they grow which helped to explain issues we saw. Not at all related to leaving a baby to cry themselves. If your previous routine was working and it is just a sleep regression, you may do well to go back to that routine and stick to it. Consistency is useful for a regression.
PS our 4yo has started to wake between 2-3am EVERYNIGHT. Sometimes we’re so tired we cave and she comes to bed with us, sometimes we stick it out and get her back to sleep in her bed (usually because she’s cold). You got this.

Sleep regressions are so challenging! No advice but solidarity

I know that the internet and doctors etc say no to pillows for as long as possible and defintely not before they’re 1 however my friend went through a similar situation and getting a toddlers pillow (the thin ones from baby section) made a huge difference. She started by putting the pillow in during day naps so she could monitor and then at night paced it under the fitted sheet so it couldn’t move. Perhaps see if that makes any difference. if she’s preferring your bed that may make her feel more comfortable as well.

Many of us go through this and it’s so hard when you are just so tired. I’d try making bed time a little later for a bit to see if that helps Maybe some white noise sound in the background. Then try to resettle her in her own bed if she wakes. Don’t go in as soon as she cries out. Good luck. It will get better.

Sleep regression around 12 months of age is quite common.
This article may be helpful https://www.babycenter.com/toddler/sleep/12-month-sleep-regression_40009704

Were just going through this with our 16 month old and it was down to “habit”. Sleep deprived, she was waking at 10pm every night and we made the silly choice of putting her in our bed and thats all she wanted after that. Weve had to “sleep train” her so to speak and let her cry it out a little and eventually she gives in. Last night resulted in our first full nights sleep in months. Babies/toddlers love routine. We broke her routine and had to fix it.

No one should judge! Her not sleeping isn’t you fault and somtimes co sleeping is less dangerous that you not sleeping every night (and for example crashing your car because you didn’t sleep).

Did you know SUDI peaks between one and four months? So there is less of a risk. To keep minimising a cosleeping risk you can breastfeed, don’t share blankets (just dress both warmly), remove pillows, and no alcohol or sedative sleep tablets.

To address her sleep, l would call karitane or tresillian.

I’m so sorry what you are going through. Did you try sleep training at the hospital? Did the doctors and nurses / maternal health nurses give you some ideas or advice?

Maybe try getting some melatonin from the chemist- they do have varieties for kids- not sure on age though sorry. I’ve seen it work wonders for older children.

You’re not a bad Mum at all. We’ve all been there I think. I might suggest you put her down a bit later and there’s music that gets them off to sleep in 5minutes. If she’s waking at 10pm every night she might be used to that when she was still feeding at that time or she could be wet. If she wakes check that she’s dry and maybe leave her in her cot and turn on the music. I know it’s easier to take them to bed with you but then you have to get them out of that habit and it’s hard. This won’t last forever but you have to set a routine that she stays in her cot. I think she knows she’ll get to sleep with you now. But you need proper sleep too otherwise you can’t function properly. My daughter put my grandson in her bed and it’s still ongoing and he’s nearly 5yrs old.

I just feel so so sad for you. Sleep is so important and you are not a bad parent if your baby isn’t sleeping. I’m wondering why she is waking at 10pm? Is she cold? Is this for a feed? If so, can you give her a rollover feed at 9.00ish and see if that helps? Don’t wake her. Keep the room dark and interact as little as possible. That may help.
You could also try a white noise machine.
In regards to her moving so much. I think that sounds normal.
Maybe she is teething?
Is she well rested through the day?
I know that it feels like it will go on forever, that she will never sleep through the night and you will never get a solid night’s sleep again, but she will sleep through. Hang in there. You are doing an amazing job – Also co-sleeping is lovely and warm and snuggly and we have to get sleep however we can.