My partners sister and husband separated just before Christmas, she had an affair and living with the new guy who is 10years younger than her and they work together she hasn’t spoken to her son or seen him 3 weeks prior to Christmas and has seen him or spoken to him since Christmas. We drive 2 hours every Year on Christmas 2 hours and only get to see all the in-laws 2-3 times a year and it’s only when we drive down as they don’t come up. My partners nephew waited to open his presents on Christmas with his mother and she came to the lunch and then left her son said to his cousin I wish my mum and dad where still together and why can’t they be in the same room. He didnt know what to say to him so he spoke to his mum. His mum has already left by the time we got there I sent her message saying thanks for the girls presents my 8 year old and 4 month old but it would of been nice for you to give to them as they would of loved seeing you and especially when we drive 2 hours to spend quality time with family. Her reply was sorry but it in the right space at the moment and I will catch up with you before you go home.
She has 2 daughters from first marriage her ex cheated on her 1 daughter over seas and the other on 21 is living at my in-laws in between houses as she is moving in to her mums and separated husband investment property I tried to speak to her saying you need to speak to him he is hurting told her what he said to the 21 cousin and she said she tried but said to leave him she said for him to stay with her over Christmas as we will be at nan and pops and hang with their uncle and me meaning for me to look after him she didn’t get it . His dad was on going on night shift and isn’t want him house by him self but we already said we will take him he is 15 I tried to speak to him but he doesn’t want to talk about it and said his dad has sspken to him he said leave it .I reassured him that if wants to talk we are all there for him meaning all the family and we love him and care about him the problem is he doesn’t have much to do with his nan and pop other 2 aunties and their partners and kids as the cousins are older 5 +years older and he was naughty growing up and got in trouble a lot my mother in-law doesn’t really like him but she doesn’t pay much attention to any of the 11 grandchildren
Me and my partner have always done things with him and the other cousins I have never had a problem with him he has always done what he was told by me and his uncle he does winge a lot and stuffs himself with food and is the fat kid. So while he has stayed with us the in-laws have been away 40 min camping so we drive out and see them every second day I took him to get his hair cut as he had a mop of LEGO hair his mum still hasn’t called him or any other family except her daughter she hasn’t said anything about her brother to her mum I messaged her again today saying we are leaving late Saturday still no reply now I feel like messaging her saying stop playing the victim I get that you have fallen out of love and your going through a hard time but it was her decision might not of been the right one but you choose to do it but don’t forget about your son he still needs a mum and he is suffering as well . I’m really upset that she is treating her son like this also she keeps saying that she needs to work things out and she doesn’t know what she is doing to me the boyfriend is not her family and if he had any sense surly he would be telling her to see her son
Should I message her again tell her this or leave it

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  • It is great that you care so much about the kids. I’m sure you’ll be a big help to them. I think maybe you should back off on your SIL a bit at the moment though. She’s been through a huge upheaval, is clearly hurting, and maybe needs a bit of time to process. Give her a break and follow up in a few months if you still think it’s necessary.

  • What a hard question to answer. I honestly don’t think it’s an issue you need to bother with. As difficult as it is to see your nephew suffer, there’s not much you can do if mum doesn’t want to see him

  • Wow, such a hard position to be in. I’m sure once the separation has become yesterday’s news, so to speak, it may become easier for everyone to be together

  • This poor kid does need support and he is lucky to have you in his life to care for him. I wouldn’t message his Mum, but rather focus on supporting the 15year old. If he doesn’t want to talk about things with someone, (his Dad, you etc.,) Maybe an organisation like Headspace could help. They are great in offering extra support for teens and young adults. It sounds as if he could really use some external support. Someone not involved in it all. Best of luck and I hope the Mum sees her son as a priority soon.

  • It’s a tough situation. I would not text her just yet. Give her some time to work things out. Most importantly, be there for her son as much as you can. He needs lots of support at this time.

  • This sounds like a really new situation and a very complicated one. I applaud you trying to be there for her son, but maybe give her a bit of space to work things out.

  • Oh dear, such a difficult situation. Must be so hard, especially at Christmas. Even amicable separations have their trials. Hopefully it will get better with the passing of time

  • poor boy. he needs a lot of support for this situation.

  • I’d be very careful about texting her. Maybe seek some professional advice on the best way to handle the situation it sounds very complicated.

  • I don’t really have much advise, but it sounds like alot of people are hurting and angry in regard to the situation. Maybe things just need to calm down for a bit before they can get sorted out with clear minds and level heads. Good luck, it’s a tough one

  • Wow I am thinking the mother of the 15 year old is really not in a good head space. I feel sorry for him as it seems he is on the outer with his family. It looks like you have done the right think with him, but you can not replace his mother. His mother needs to sit back and think this out, the damage she is still doing to this young man. It could be tricky sticking your nose into this even if you are trying to help this young man out. A pity you do not live closer to help him out.

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